This post is covering week 30.

I have not given up, and I will continue to get back up to speed as quickly as possible. Again, I will be only posting the poetry without a description (unless it's required) due to time constraints. Still, many of the poems I will be posting will be quite depressing. Forgive me for that.

As usual, for those of you who do not know why I am doing this, I will quote my first article here:

“I have realized that a great way to keep sane when you’re busy (especially with very tedious work) is to keep your creativity flowing. So recently, I have decided to start a sort of creative goal for myself. I’m going to write 365 poems. That is one every day without stopping. This is all free form and off the cuff. So if it’s short, long, good, and/or crap, that is up for you to decide.”

Please enjoy.

---

May, 1^st 2017

203 of 209

Try, Trust, Lie, Love

Try
Just to fail every time
Try
And you fall down a line
Try
Just to fall into a hole
Try
And lose a bit of your soul

Trust
Just to break your heart
Trust
And lose all hope
Trust
And they’ll rip you apart
Trust
Until you can’t cope

Lie
Just to build your tower
Lie
Because it’s in everyone’s power
Lie
To copy everyone else
Lie
You don’t know how to be yourself

Love
You can’t know if you don’t try
Love
Which is not true without trust
Love
Which can’t be based on a lie
Love
Because all we need is…

---

I've been sick recently, this piece represents that sickness and those that take care of me.

May, 2^nd 2017

204 of 365

Through the Poison

For a latest development to come on strong
Like a wave of dread coming over me
Maturing so suddenly
The length of this feeling? We don't know how long
We hope we'll turn out just fine

It's been so long since the last time
I've only know health with good longevity
I don't show much humility
Since what's inside is currently out of line
Hopefully this will end soon

I know how different I am to you
You can still get up and walk
I can barely talk
And my reliance on you is now true
Shows me how much you care

Even when I have dirty hair
Even when I haven't changed
Even when I'm suddenly strange
Even when I'm in despair
And you still show manners to me

Thank you for being so funny
Through my current fits
When everything's gone to shit
Believe me when I say you're lovely
I think we'll turn out just fine

---

May, 3^rd 2017

205 of 365

When You're the Farthest

The mornings and nights are the hardest
They're the times I can't distract my eyes
With the daily lies I believe on my own
Truthfully ignoring how much I'm alone
My mind is left to its own demise

And trust me when I say that I try
Through the constant expectations of others
I'm supposed to push through without complaints
Confidence pelted like hail in rain
Even from your own mother

Always in search for the next lover
Promises made and never kept
Degrading the trust I thought was important
They don't seem to care anymore than
Those who feel no regret

It doesn't matter if I've wept
The world doesn't give you a free pass
For the thoughts in your mind
For how much you give up your time
When others seem like steel, and you're just glass

---

May, 4^th 2017

206 of 365

Importance Out of View

It's been a while
Since I told you I was sorry
For injecting so many miles
Drinking away my worries
I've been so vile
You haven't wanted to see me
I haven't shown my true smile
Or said words I'd believe

I did not mean to hurt you
While I covered my own truth
With all the methods I'd choose
I didn't realize how much I'd lose
To understand what I must do

With importance out of view

I understand the reason
Why you don't lend your hand
But I still want someone to believe in
I'm only human
Like a downward spiral
All the way to end
Yes, it's been a while
O' what that face could mend

To understand what I must do
I didn't realize how much I'd lose
While I covered my own truth
With all the methods I'd choose
I did not mean to hurt you

With importance out of view

---

May, 5^th 2017

207 of 365

Equaling Out

Losing all feeling
All hope
All emotion
Leading to ambiguous reason
The past is what it is
The care and love felt
Now in ethereal existence
Nothing is overbearing
Nothing is exciting
Like a flatline
Breaking tradition
For what it means to live
What there is to give
What there is to take
"No" is the silent choice to be made
Since nothing is enticing
Or even repulsive
Leave the decisions to those that know it
Understand what this really means
That no truth can be ascertained
When everything is exactly the same
No sense of direction
No sense of gravity
Transient and translucent
Like being underwater
Fusing into the background
Like a bland color palette
What use to be is presently banal
A forgotten childhood
Leaves holes for apathy
The places where love should be
But it's slow burning
Leaving an orange hue
As embers rise into the sky
Breaking the corners of the thin blue line
If love is the answer to life
Then is this what it means to die?

---

May, 6^th 2017

208 of 365

Grow Up

Words I can’t release
Because of these shaking knees
Which plant me in my seat
A blank wall is all I see
Place the blame on everything
You’re smart enough to convince
Even yourself in your lying
The many ways to circumvent

“I know what I’m talking about
I monitor my own mouth
I control how soft, how loud
I know what is happening right now…”
Why do you reiterate yourself?
Why do you stay in the same place?
Why do you push away help
Just to turn around and complain?

You just don’t want to admit
That you don’t know shit
And have over twenty years to show for it
Staring at the wounds you don’t lick
Because you’re “Too old to say sorry”
“Too smart to be wrong”
Living by your own theory
Quickly leaving you gone

Too much pride to be alright
Dead by your own lies
Just like how you feel on the inside
Unjust in the ways of right

WHY DON’T YOU GROW UP THIS TIME
I . . .

---

May, 7^th 2017

209 of 365

Give Up

You need to give up more often

Your fixation, just like a coffin

To the unrealistic

And still so pedantic

Blaming others for why you’re sick

When their mind is not where you stick

But the feeling still arises

That need for emotional surprises

In the end you hurt everyone else

In the end you hurt yourself

Ironic that is what happens

When you desperately need help

Because the pain only increases

When serotonin decreases

An inferiority complex

An extremist to vex

Body cashing too many checks

Unending and relentless

You need to give up more often

Your fixation, just like a coffin

Obsessing over every word

When chances reach the third

You never seem to discern

The bridges that you burn

---

Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, or topics for me to write about.