This post is covering week 25.
Wow. This is so close to the half way point. I’m quite surprised I have gotten this far already. Many more inspirations keep coming. Whether they are positive or negative, I have to take what I am given and turn it into something. I would much rather have more positive things, but that hasn’t been happening for a while now. Let’s hope for a turnaround soon!
As usual, for those of you who do not know why I am doing this, I will quote my first article here:
“I have realized that a great way to keep sane when you’re busy (especially with very tedious work) is to keep your creativity flowing. So recently, I have decided to start a sort of creative goal for myself. I’m going to write 365 poems. That is one every day without stopping. This is all free form and off the cuff. So if it’s short, long, good, and/or crap, that is up for you to decide.”
Please enjoy.
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This piece takes a noir approach to regret and loss. The character in here is not handling his demons well, blames it on others, but knows it's his fault, and seems to want to steep in it. Much like Bogart's character in Casablanca.
March, 28th 2017
169 of 365
"Playing It Again, Sam"
Look at me, talking to myself
About the way people feel
The way they think...
Oh, how much I need a drink
And how important they are
But knowing your feelings span too far
They never express what they're thinking
Like dreams I have difficulty remembering
They're probably just as lost as I am
Forgotten like a straying baby lamb
You don't seem to fit that mold...
What do I know, I always forget what I'm told
Very much a presence that acts bold
But really a clown dressed in a suit
When I see you acting so cute
I hold back myself like I was always mute
I know you won't see it the same way
I know you purposefully have nothing to say
Piercing your heart whenever I ask about your day
Look at me, talking to myself
About the way people feel
The way they think...
The way I think they think...
Maybe this drinking is worthy of a scold
What do I know, I never do what I'm told
With the stools looking so high
I'd knock them down just for the sight
Questioning the looks in those eyes
Oh yeah, I don't know how to empathize
Resistance from all sides once again
But that's just the state that I'm in
Where have you gone? Where have you been?
I know exactly where I am
I'm just wasting away playing it again, Sam
Seeing just where the cards may land
Silently dying in your reverence
I know the answers to those questions
You wouldn't want to hear these confessions
Look at me, talking to myself
About the way people feel
And I can't even think...
Always knew I was the weakest link
Since I always want to shift the blame
The outcomes always end up the same
I didn't listen to the words you said
"Life doesn't work the way it does in your head."
Believe me, I want to change who I am
But I always end up playing it again, Sam
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This is a piece about someone who constantly is attracted to bad people and situations, blames it on others, but knows it's his fault. Not a happy one, sorry.
March, 29th 2017
170 of 365
Accept Regrettably
Am I a regret?
Am I someone you wish you never met?
Like something condemned to beset
And filled with moments you'd want to reset
Just like that
It's the end of a historical time lapse
Filled with so many internal gaps
So predictable I'd come to you and relapse
Why don't I stop?
I seem to have lost my internal clock
And still struggle to speak more often than not
I do see myself becoming an afterthought
Where I find love
Seems to be a road damned to be rough
I damn myself by wanting more than enough
To dive right into the hell I came from
You can't see
I know that, and that's okay with me
Because I'm always the one who sees
The end before anything can ever be
It's because of me, I'll accept regrettably
---
Nature, love, mountains, and winter.
March, 30th 2017
171 of 365
Currents
The moon puts you in its hold
Find the only reason to love
Don't regret what you gave up
The river flows through me too
Then I knew...
I knew
I finally see the truth
It was you...
It was you
When you're out there in the cold
Find the only reason to love
Don't regret what you gave up
I'm not the only one
Who feels your enlightened sun
I'm not the only one
Who'd carry you till you're done
The moon puts you in its hold
Find the only reason to love
Don't regret what you gave up
Currents build on days of old
Playing songs just like before
You don't have to question anymore
I finally see the truth
It was you...
It was you
---
There are times when you feel like you've grown as a person compared to who you were in the past. However, the opposite can happen too. Sometimes it feels like you're losing the good parts of you. Maybe it's because of the people you hang out with? Maybe it's you're environment? Maybe it's the things you have to do? Maybe it's the things you're not doing? Whichever the choice, it's still a sad truth. Do your best to not be a "cookie cutter" type of person.
March, 31st 2017
172 of 365
The Hallway
Wanting to say the right thing at the right time
Always a few minutes late
Or maybe a few hours late
Is it really relevant anymore?
"Are you okay?"
Am I still a nice person?
I think about myself more than I used to
I care for myself more than I used to
I hate others more than I used to
I hate myself more than I used to
I'm quick to anger more than I used to
Am I losing my kindness?
Am I losing who I thought I was?
I feel like I'm slipping into monotony
The place where everyone else is
The unrecognizable abyss of filth
The people I never thought I'd become
Objectively, I see myself slowly turning
I am slowly turning into these...
These clones
And I can't believe it, and don't want to see it
Then why don't I do something about it?
I look up into the long hallway
I only see closed doors
And they all look exactly the same!
---
People like to try and look for a "perfect match" when they are dating. Personally, I don't think that's possible. But there are people who are pretty damn close. Their quirks/differences are what makes things (or even them) interesting! Wouldn't it be weird if you basically dated yourself? I would think yes. Don't get hung up over small differences. The main points are what truly matter.
April, 1st 2017
173 of 365
No Perfect Pair
There's always some kind of problem
No matter how cool or awesome
Or trusting and hilarious
There will be something tenacious
That won't be attractive at all
No complete package to call
Perfect, because deep down
There's always something around
Don't think it's something we want
Patience is a priority
For them to be your only one
Learn to love their minorities
It takes two to accept truths
Unless you can't handle their views
Nobody likes to lose
But love means sharing what is due
You accept my mind
I think your so kind
Your ostentatious sometimes
I'm a recluse
We walk the same line
Mutual in both our time
Not everything aligns
Perfection? That's obtuse
But every time I see you
Perfect is the word I'd use
---
People overthink, misjudge, misinterpret, and more. It’s a part of the human condition. Unfortunately, a lot of these things can be irrational in reality. We can always pretend like we know what we’re doing, but we really don’t.
April, 2nd 2017
174 of 365
It Is Irrational
Feelings are irrational
Yet, we give them so much meaning
Using them as collateral
For damage we thought we were dealing
Does it really matter at all
What we think we are feeling?
Believing in the intangible
For the hurt that is now healing
The only reason we know right from wrong
Is because we feel guilt
Then how come there are those that have none?
Was it how they were built?
I see the path ahead has been closed off
Even opportunities wither and wilt
As delicate as the wings of a frail moth
Careful to commit irreversible guilt
Words are just that, they affect others differently
Because of just acts, we think we see everything
But writing can always be painted over
Regret remains even after disclosure
Feelings are irrational
Yet, we give them so much meaning
Using them as collateral
For damage we thought we were dealing
The past is always final
Even when our façade is changing
We can try to change our title
And fail to change what we’re saying
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Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, or topics for me to write about.
