Unfortunately, I missed another week. I do apologize. However, I have caught up with all of the days that I missed. It really was a tough mountain to climb. Sometimes pushing yourself can produce unique results (or just burn you out. One or the other). So this makes up for both my 15^th and 16^th weeks. Please forgive me for the astronomical length.

As usual, for those of you who do not know why I am doing this, I will quote my first article here:

“I have realized that a great way to keep sane when you’re busy (especially with very tedious work) is to keep your creativity flowing. So recently, I have decided to start a sort of creative goal for myself. I’m going to write 365 poems. That is one every day without stopping. This is all free form and off the cuff. So if it’s short, long, good, and/or crap, that is up for you to decide.”

Please enjoy.

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This one is quite obvious. It about the remembrance of someone in the past, however the opportunity to continue the interaction was lost due to complications. These complications could have been romantic, or even from a friendship. However, they were caused by subject, and he regrets he actions that brought the outcome.

January, 9^th 2017

91 of 365

Lost Opportunities

Still searching for the next
Wonderment of regret
I’d place all my bets
On slipping through the net

Hope that you’d be at the bottom
Haven’t seen a face since I’ve fallen
Similar how we’re downtrodden
A humor old and long forgotten

Opportunities arise so seldom
No matter how long I’ve held them
However I shift or try to meld them
I realized the wrong ways to work

Realized how much I am a jerk
Showed how much I’m worth
How much I truly hurt
You and myself included

Your face that I’ve eluded
Instances that have been precluded
Ever since we’ve concluded
Uncovering what we could have

I’m lost down here

---

This one took a more Bon Iver approach to the writing style. I purposefully focused on all rhymes to have an “E” sound at the end of every line. The story of the piece starts with betrayal and it leads to the acceptance of what happened between the two involved.

January, 10^th 2017

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Inversed Vitality

Woke up to see
Complete dishonesty
Bewilderment unjustly
Non-ironic, unfunny
Requesting to be
Euphemistically
Fragile beauty
Late with the subtlety
Questionable glee
Returning powerfully
With stale variety
Shiver to carry
Willing to parry
Anything wary
Continued difficulty
Retroactively
Yearning to be happy
Then finally
Relayed calmly
Needed honestly
Understood justly
Consequently
Ironic and funny
Yes, objectively
A futile belief
Wake up and see

---

I have to admit, I like Maroon 5’s first two albums quite a bit. They’re simple, but relatable works, and have a lot of funk/rock/pop influence that creates an entertaining blend of tracks. Their first album, “Songs About Jane” was their pinnacle though. They’ve literally been going downhill ever since, in my opinion. The main reason why I bring this up is because this piece is heavily inspired by a song called “Not Falling Apart” by Maroon 5. It’s sort of an homage to the catchiness and theme of the song.

January, 11^th 2017

93 of 365

Stuck In My Head

Now I’m stuck in my bed
Can’t get what you said out of my head
Through the skin that you shed
I see now you were just pretend

Working off of my own dreams
How much did that really mean?
In reply to my ramblings
That you were always sampling

Say the words you really mean
I see your lies clearly enough now
My body’s running out of steam
Crippled by what you’ve done in town

Now I’m stuck in my bed
I can’t get what you said out of my head
Through the skin that you shed
I see now you were just pretend

Those same roads that we tread
You left me there for fucking dead
All these notes that I have kept
Have led to more and more regrets

Say the words you really mean
I see your lies clearly enough now
My body’s running out of steam
Crippled by what you’ve done in town

---

This piece mainly has to do with the decisions that people make on who they want to spend their time with and how that it doesn’t equally apply to everyone you know/meet. It can be quite surprising if you step back and realize how picky (or open) someone can be.

January, 12^th 2017

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Too Damn Picky

I see there are people that want the same
Why do I then always shift the blame?
If it’s not her, it’s an annoyance
That guy? He shouldn’t bother with his conveyance.

But I look at this on a deeper level
Why do some make me so disheveled?
If it’s not him, he’s a weirdo
Conveying how much I clearly know
How much I care for others
Especially those that are not my mother

Doesn’t that make me terrible?
That everyone, to me, isn’t incredible?
That I don’t want to see them?
How I don’t want to be friendly then.

So specific and unconscious
Thinking back on it makes me nauseous
I don’t like to think I’m like that
But I always seem to show what I lack
In the care I have for others
Especially those that are not my brothers

Isn’t that horrible of me?
That I’m so damn picky?
We are all not perfect beings
And accepting that doesn’t change a thing

Doesn’t that make me terrible?
That everyone, to me, isn’t incredible?
I still want what it is I want
Even though those thoughts haunt
The care that I show to others
So much so that it has become a bother

Too damn picky

---

I literally wrote this while riding a bus. No, I did not experience these exact events… But this wasn’t my first bus ride after all.

January, 13^th 2017

95 of 365

On the Bus

I sit here quietly on the bus
Using some money I just saved up
Three babies crying in the back
So full people try to sit on your lap

Unfortunately I had to stand up
With no free space between us
Why is it that I smell crap?
And this place looks dirtier than that

So go ahead and bring your hazmat suit
Instantly spoiling any contact with fruit
The driver almost gave me a whiplash
Wait, what is that? Sweet potato mash??

Seeing some shady people get on
I think I heard one say "let's have some fun"
As I hear those doors locking
I probably should have just went walking

---

Sometimes when it comes to close bonds, it can feel like one has or wants more power in the friendship/relationship than the other. It’s there in subtle ways, whether we notice it or not. I guess it’s just human nature’s inclination to lead. This piece is based on that feeling.

January, 14^th 2017

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Who's The Ruler?

No one's word is absolute truth
No one can predict the future
How many more times will I lose
My temper over who's the ruler?

I have forgotten how to think for myself
Afraid of my own conclusions
Since I always rely on someone else
Spares me from those resolutions

But I know the meaning was wrong
I couldn't handle my reality
I've taken the wrong path all along
Impossibly facing banality

My trivial lies were a consequence
Of the truth I couldn’t face
And with all of my strength and resistance
I will move from this place

I’m the only one who makes my truth
I can build my own future
Even if it is you that I lose
We’ll each be our own rulers
We’ll each be our own rulers

---

I was asked by a friend of mine to write a piece on the LGBT community. I must confess, this piece may show my ignorance on the community. However, I decided to portray the possible feelings someone has when they can’t express themselves without possible consequences. For the record, anyone who reads this and misinterprets this as talking about myself, I am straight.

January, 15^th 2017

97 of 365

Voice of the Anonymous

I have this secret...
But why should that be?
Society's pressure to keep it
To myself when I'm just being me.

I know people pretend
When they go outside
But every message I send
Is not how I feel on the inside

Like using text to communicate
Which can be fake as hell
When you much prefer face to face
Where an ass can be easy to tell

Even to my closest friends
Who never questioned me
I couldn't possibly betray
Everything they've believed

A moment may come when I can proudly relay
How I feel and who I am
I'm so tired of hiding myself everyday
But they force me back in

It's so lonely as the only one
Finding another, that's a laugh
Always in the face of rejection
Can't remember the last time I was relaxed

I've tried to change how I feel
But I wasn't born that way
The only way for me to reveal
Without changing my place
Is to anonymously say.... I'm gay

---

I was reading a lot of articles about Ted Bundy, and I thought of something while I was reading them. There was a time where a cop was pulling Ted Bundy over for some minor infraction, but it escalated to the point that the cop had to pull out his pistol and then tackle him. Ted said to the cop, “I wish you had killed me.” Now, nothing about Ted’s true nature was discovered until after this incident. If the cop shot Ted and killed him, it’s possible that his horrific crimes would have been discovered ridiculously late into the future, if ever. Imagine that? How many people actually do horrific acts and get away with it? It’s a rather depressing thought, but I think it’s a lot more than we would all like to admit. You can’t deny we’ve shaken hands with at least one devil in our lives.

January, 16^th 2017

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The Killers

Reality sets in and kicks you in the teeth
Out there are people you’ll never meet
Unimaginable skeletons that they all keep
Prowling when you’re awake or asleep

The mind can suppress any oppression
We often forget our past decisions
Nor question those within this dimension
Especially when truth comes to fruition

Paranoid of them
Doubtful of them
Belief in them
Denial of them

Justifying our reality to be perfect
But can change the moment you reflect
That man demanding your respect
Has committed more than anyone could regret

Afraid of them
Intrigued in them
Ignorant of them
Trust in them

Out of the seven billion we could see
We all know that one of them we will meet
Unimaginable skeletons that they all keep
Prowling when you’re awake or asleep

---

I’ve known some people (and heard stories of friends of friends) who have had strong addictions to many kinds of addictions. I decided to write a piece interpreting the inevitable downfall, yet horrific urges of an addiction to something like heroin.

January, 17^th 2017

99 of 365

Addiction

I knew I was crossing the line
When I stopped to steal a dime
But not just from any kind
From the one who raised my behind

But I didn’t care
I couldn’t stop
The addiction’s there
For my next shot

Surely this makes some sense
Finding some way to jump the fence
That first high I’m always chasing
And down is the direction it was facing

But I didn’t care
I couldn’t stop
The addiction’s there
For my next shot

The kind around me raised a question
Does my life have any direction?
On the take, on many conditions
And Environment in dissention

But I didn’t care
I couldn’t stop
The addiction’s there
For my next shot
Lost in superfluous trust
Is this hate or love or lust
Wondering where it must
End with a feeling unjust

But I didn’t care
I couldn’t stop
The addiction’s there
For my-

---

I have finally hit the 100th milestone. What better way to celebrate than to write a free verse piece! This piece focuses dormant feelings that people tend to not talk about. They usually hide behind the words “I’m fine” when someone asks if they are okay. These are the kind of actions that hurt the people around you, as well as yourself. However, some people you just don't want to (or shouldn’t) talk to and tell them how you really feel.

January, 18^th 2017

100 of 365

"I'm Fine"

Thoughts that come up
But knew you'd never show up
The hope was always there
But not in your eyes
Which I still can't look past
If I see through anything
It's my own dignity
For me, I'd be with company
But saw the reality as it was
I can pretend like it's nothing
Like it hasn't festered inside me
I can easily look in your eyes and tell you,
"I'm fine."
Because what you don't think about
Couldn't possibly matter in the slightest
Believe these words instantaneously
I'VE NEVER TOLD YOU MY TRUTH
We just don't really agree that way
I see life, it's a narcissist
To be unaware of that fact creates it
Ah, you've fallen down that path
It's okay to join Rome, I see that
While I still waste my day in wait
Knowing you'd never show up
I can pretend like it's nothing
See you with someone else again
Easily look in your eyes and tell you,
"I'm fine."

---

I had recently watched the new film “Split,” which actually focused a lot on childhood trauma affecting the brain. I decided to right a piece that focused on the repression side of trauma when it comes to these cases.

January, 19^th 2017

101 of 365

It’s Time to Remember

It has taken so long to remember
Any moment could be a trigger
A panic ensues within my mind
A blackout that came on so bright

I remember everything
As if I was dreaming
If I could turn off those lights
I’d break them with all my might

Every “thing” has its set memories
Each representing dark soliloquies
Always present, and always tired
Represents only a muffled fire

Looking over the crescent’s edge
To quell a monster needing to be fed
I couldn’t control when it would arise
Justifying the manic depressive guise

No apology can change the past
For repression has come to pass
Forgive the nightmare that it is
To relieve yourself of reliving it

It’s time to remember

---

Sometimes emotions get the best of you, and you can’t know how someone else is feeling before you get over your own feelings. Relationships have room for a lot of misinterpretation, especially when emotions run high. We can make decisions we regret. This piece is an admission to those regrets.

January, 20^th 2017

102 of 365

Do I Still Make You Smile

Do I still make you smile
Do I still make you laugh
I'd go on for miles
Just to get back on track

You seemed happy last time we met
It's been a while since we've last spoken
A while since I've heard that voice and yet
It is something that can't be forgotten

Under the impression of something more
But I’m just kidding myself once again
I know the truth that reality pours
I can’t accept what happened then

Do I still make you smile
Do I still make you laugh
I'd go on for miles
Just to get back on track

Wrestling ideas within my head
That my ego wants my right
The layers of trust that I shed
When I think I’m always right

Embarrassment turns my head
When I try to see your eyes
For my fucking selfishness I’ve led
Casts a shadow in your light

Do I still make you smile
Do I still make you laugh
I'd go on for miles
Just to get back on track

And all the while
I’m wishing that
I could just file
And forget my past

I am sorry.

---

This piece focuses on the phenomenon that people can have an out of body experience in extreme situations.

January, 21^st 2017

103 of 365

Out of Body

Outside of myself
Likely seeing everything
It’s something I can’t help
Something I can’t stop seeing

Interpreting every detail
Much like it was innate
Life or death is what it entails
That moment to initiate

Slow moving and strange
Unlikely to occur ordinarily
Is this something I can change
Through actions done normally?

Outside this unkindly view
Telling me where to go
Unfortunately, I see a truth
That I wish I didn’t know

Rushing back into myself again
Believing in my own way
If only I hadn’t been
So careless that day

---

I looked at an underground indie film called “Worm,” where the whole film was shot in one take. It’s extremely interesting, and a spectacle for its low budget and experimentation. The story is basically about an uneducated man doing what he can for his family, even if it is illegal. This piece kind of focuses on the last part of that sentence, where the subject in this poem is really a terrible person, but he still has hope that he can improve. Especially since someone is still there for him, trying their best to help him.

January, 22^nd 2017

104 of 365

Just One More Moment

I put too much importance in the wrong people
Express myself at the wrong times
Say what I mean when it doesn't matter
Pursue beauty when it's unrequited
Commit action with no reaction
Indulge in fun under a deadline
Speak a bit too loudly
Dress a bit too oddly
Act a bit too proudly
Hurt those I consider lovely

Just one more moment

I yank the chains of the weaker minded
I jest of those behind their backs
Lie to my friend’s faces
Pressure those into doing wrong
Drink much more than I should
Inappropriately give advice unasked
Lose on all opportunities
Flip on rationalities
Pursue useless banalities
Drinking my own hypocrisies

Just one more moment

Maybe this time I’ll do what’s right
Not let my habits take control
Stop my friends from seeing me
Throw away the fifth cigarette
Turn their head away from what is ugly
Stop when the bartender closes
Why is she coping?
Reticent in unloading?
Putting up with my loafing?
Because I am still hoping

Just one more moment
Will change where I am going…

---

Overthinking seems like a subject I bring up quite often. I have trapped myself in the negative effects of overthinking far more than I care to admit. Thinking can be a great thing, but not when it is unwarranted and over negative things, or things we can’t change. It can make things needlessly complicated. Remember the K.I.S.S. method. KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID (emphasis on stupid)!

January, 23^rd 2017

105 of 365

Overwrought in Thought

Pining on uselessness gone past
Can’t seem to leave it be
Mind is a dichotomy
One day free, and locked up
Restrained by impossibilities
Trying its best to pursue
Forward through a deep fog
In so much but not too far
Yes, is an answer given
No, is the hardest one
Change in a disguised lie
Cause the truth is what it is
Pining on uselessness gone past
Can’t seem to leave it be
Finally see what you need to

---

I hate to sound like a soccer mom, but this poem is based on the overuse of technology. I’m basing this piece on personal experience. We have become dependent on technology to the point that when we are without it, it’s almost a colossal event! Communication, work, school, news, entertainment, and more. Everything is through electronics or the internet. It’s quite surprising when you think about it. I’m not saying I regret that any of this exists, not in the slightest. However, “Everything in moderation” really is a quote we shouldn’t take lightly. That’s all I’m saying.

January, 24^th 2017

106 of 365

Technologically Brainwashed

So attached to your phone
Respite has been dethroned
To put it away causes a panic
Without a connection we become manic!

Sucked into this technological world
Spiraling in our social media twirl
Work, life, and school are all online
Might as well include our minds in due time!

Don’t you miss someone’s voice?
Or hugging someone by choice?
Sure, it’s a convenient tool,
Since anonymity keeps yourself fooled!

That barrier from behind the phone
Your calculated texts written alone
Contrived to the point of pretentiousness
To get used to this is completely unrealistic!

So attached to your phone
Respite has been dethroned
To put it away causes a panic
Without a connection we become manic!

---

Simply about feelings that are unrequited and overthinking.

January, 25^th 2017

107 of 365

A Presence of Quandaries

Cross referencing past experiences
From my family to the worst of my "friends"
Why am I a consistent pessimist?
I don't blame those decisions made to end

Looking at myself this way
I wouldn't see me either
Overthinking too much everyday
Certainly makes a mind less eager

Priorities are all out of line
Dreaming of pure fantasies
Always sinfully in my mind
A presence of quandaries

Your mind is somewhere else
I never had influence on the matter
At least I was the one who helped
When you needed laughter

The truth is, it’s better this way
Without me there to pry
Tell me what you want to say
But tell me with a lie

Cross referencing past experiences
From my family to the worst of my "friends"
Why am I a consistent pessimist?
I don't blame those decisions made to end

---

People try their best to get attention any way they can. Either negatively, or positively. However, sometimes even when you get that attention, it is still not satisfying. It’s like a never ending need, like a drug. This piece focuses on that mentality.

January, 26^th 2017

108 of 365

Question Attention

Why do we want attention?
When we get it, it isn't sufficient
Like it's an ongoing mission
Of constant mental derision

Always mundanely stressing
To the point we are not living
Our lives are what we make it
Challenging how long we fake it

An unsatiated desire
Even when we conspire
Foiling us to be liars
Throwing more fuel to the fire

Grab it long enough to see
Burn every bush and every tree
Is it worth hurting your trustee?
Just to continue this inanity

Why do we want attention?
When we get it, it isn't sufficient
Headfirst and a full submission
Of a high-speed head-on collision

---

This piece focuses on someone going down a path they think will fulfil something within them. However, they realize that what really gave them meaning was something they stopped doing to gain what they thought was more important. This piece experiments with conscious and subconscious thought interacting in each stanza. The quotations are the subconscious, the rest of the conscious. The conscious tries to push the questioning subconscious away. Don’t we all?

January, 27^th 2017

109 of 365

What Can’t Be Bought

This work will start me on the right track
This work will bring me what I want
“But will it provide the things you lack?”
Those bucks that make the women flaunt

I’ll be able to drive that fast car
Seize the world at large
“Does that fill what’s sparse?”
Create my own carnage

All power through possession
Telling underlings what to do
“May I make a suggestion?”
And force my philosophy onto you

But something doesn’t feel right
I’ve gotten all that I’ve wanted
“Your greed has made you lose your sight.”
Nothing feels really grounded

There’s something empty I have found
What else could it be?
“Maybe it’s best to turn around.”
It’s deep inside of me

This work that started me on the right track
This work that brought me what I wanted
“Never gave you that essence you lacked“
An emptiness that keeps me haunted

Why didn’t I stay a writer?

---

Sometimes people pursue things, even though they know very well how it will end up. They’re either in denial, just don’t care, or believe they deserve it. Things like this happen unfortunately, and we all fall into it every now and again.

January, 28^th 2017

110 of 365

Evidence of the Outcome

Why even get into it?
Why waste so much time with that bullshit?
Hopes and promises always broken
Though deep inside the outcome was known

Dreams can't come true
With someone you can see through
Up at night and still hoping
To obtain what the dreams have shown

Even when honesty is naked
And the pictures are all candid
You end up with nothing
When substance is overblown

Always blaming the other side
For never doing what you think is right
Seeing that we were both lying
Because deep inside the outcome was known

---

The world is a much more difficult place than most believe. It’s nice to have a long childhood to enjoy, but get ready for the world to not give you anything at all. You have work hard, and sometimes even that’s not enough. It’s relentless, but we can’t stop it no matter what we do. Might as well live it to the fullest!

January, 29^th 2017

111 of 365

Time Moves Without You

People have different levels of empathy
And different takes on what we all see
One extreme countering the other
Not everyone treats you like your mother

Where did it all go?
With an uneven flow
Leaving gaps so wide
Undesirably affecting lives

Many peaks come through
However wide is to be construed
For there's always that one fear
We'll miss opportunists all too near

For fear of getting rejected
You’re not the only one dejected
This world if full of many lives
Considering the same ideas and lies

Time doesn’t wait for the hesitant
And tends to excise the irrelevant
Push forward along the track
Or stay in place where you sat

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Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, or topics for me to write about.