I am now on week 12, and I still have quite a bit of catching up to do. I’ll definitely get around to it one of these days. I should probably just look up topics on the internet, or maybe meditate on the whole idea more often. Sorry for the break in the rules. I’m doing the best I can.

As usual, for those of you who do not know why I am doing this, I will quote my first article here:

“I have realized that a great way to keep sane when you’re busy (especially with very tedious work) is to keep your creativity flowing. So recently, I have decided to start a sort of creative goal for myself. I’m going to write 365 poems. That is one every day without stopping. This is all free form and off the cuff. So if it’s short, long, good, and/or crap, that is up for you to decide.”

Please enjoy.

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I was suggested by a friend of mine to write a letter (as a poem of course), about an affair that suggests an elopement. I took my own interpretation of it and voila.

January, 2^nd 2017

84 of 365

Letter of Elopement

Dear Madeline,

Hello, my dearest love,
How have you been feeling?
The family almost found out
I think our hearts are still healing
I know this is a long time running
And I probably shouldn't say this
Should they get in the way of our loving?
Surely we both think it's egregious?!
Hasn't our time made us so happy?
All of the poem and song I write
No matter how simplistic and sappy
Gives you a smile worth the whole fight.
I can only think of one way
For us to be whole again
I'm afraid these conditions may,
Most certainly leave you errant
Everything before me became moot
When I first looked into your eyes
An emotion with such deep roots
To express, All words would just belie
My plan goes just like this
I have a friend with a sturdy boat
He's willing to help in our tryst
If he's given a sum of gold
He would never betray us
I trust him enough to know
Besides, my best friend would be furious
And beat him into a pulp
We must act quickly for this to work
We must be reckless!
But I don't want you to end up hurt
If you happen to regret this
We'll meet at our spot tonight
To ensure the path we're on
I'll know if this is wrong or right
If our eyes look as it did day one

Love, Gerard

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I wrote this about someone I used to know in the past. There are a lot of parallels to how she lived her life kind of recklessly and at too young an age. She loved mermaids, hence the “Girl in an Oasis” bit.

January, 3^rd 2017

85 of 365

A Girl in an Oasis

A family of ambivalence
A clique of resonance
No glass was broken from that tone
Operating alone
Relying on no one
Just shows how much you’ve grown

The ground was shaken again
By your artistic expression
The scene I stood in created by hand
Life in motion, with art’s permission.

Break the wall of innocence
You do that on a daily basis
Retiring from adolescence
A girl in an oasis

Seen so much
Experienced lust
There is a lot more to learn
Introspection
Self-deprecation
The truth cannot be discerned

There are things you want to give
But still cannot accept
To learn what it means to live
Some things we will regret

So turn the tide of regression
Awaken to a world less gracious
To live your life is your mission
A girl in an oasis

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Unless you have a low self-esteem, you like to think that there’s something special about you that others don’t have. Or maybe you’re special to at least one person in your life who isn’t your parents. However, some people can have too high of an opinion of themselves, and become too conceited. When they see the world, it either hits them hard, or they ignore it and continue in denial. Everyone has something special, and at the same time everyone is mostly the same. But, we all like to hope we are special to at least one person in our lives, if anything.

January, 4^th 2017

86 of 365

Too Conceited

Crooked version of myself
Higher than I really was
Offering all I can help
Ended with very little fuss
Isn’t it worth more than thanks?
If that’s so, please show it
Feelings are so easily replaced
Persistence doesn’t know it
Nothing else is special
Should have realized that
Personally more stressful
Should cut the conceited fat
Tried too hard
Perplexing results
Unhappily singular
Unwittingly insults
Crooked version of myself
Higher than I really was
Advantage over what’s felt
What is it to truly love?

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I personally think, especially in public (and most private) schools that children are growing up too fast. Sometimes they have to if the oldest has to (unfortunately) be a parent to their siblings. However, I’m referring to those kids that want to drink, party, take drugs, have sex, and be an “Adult” at a very young age. As a 23 year old, my advice is that your childhood is something you only have for a short time. I was lucky to have a long childhood thanks to my mother. It’s something you reminisce on fondly, and often want back. Adulthood is nothing but stress, and often conflict. Gone is the innocence of the world and the calm of personal enjoyment. And people want to throw that innocence away for petty, temporary enjoyments? What a sad life we live in.

January, 5^th 2017

87 of 365

Adolescence?

Growing up too fast
Propelling adulthood on every boy and lass
Sex already before the class
Active before the teen-pop trash

Language as foul as a sailor
Ego's tainted to be whalers
Alcohol is a common flavor
To transform innocence into vapor

Pressure of peers is uniquely common
Drugs of all kinds "tried" without caution
Judgment so weak they've already fallen
In a life with no sight outside of rotten

Seldom is a childhood still intact
Once tainted by public school's acts
Or is it their neighborhood living these facts?
Or even their family who's fallen in the past

Children learn by other's actions
Curious by their elder's reactions
Maturity is not determined by mimicking fashion
Nor treating childhood with no compassion

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This is a sort of unconscious mental dialogue with a character who’s succumbing to alcoholism, and he knows it’s hurting everyone around him. He pushes them away, and at the same time he has pain inside that he can’t express or understand. He can’t find catharsis for it either. It’s rather depressing, kind of like the film “Leaving Las Vegas.”

January, 6^th 2017

88 of 365

The Bottle On My Shelf

I’m such an idiot who chooses the wrong thing.
And inconsiderate to boot.
I’m sure I’ve hurt everyone I’ve cared about, and everyone else who’s known me.
I don’t blame you if you’ve lost trust in me.
I always seem to create huge discrepancies.
It’s no wonder I’ve been alone for so long since up to my twenties.
I can’t seem to meld with anyone I know.
I always deliver the final blow and end up falling in my hole.
I don’t think I know how to interact with people.
I ruin a good thing before it even starts.
You see my name and turn to the next page.
I know, because, if I was you, I’d do the same.
I wish I could cry for catharsis, but it just gets bottled up inside.
I can’t discharge it.
I can’t discard it.
It only enlarges, and charges.
I’m alone in my car, deciding whether I should go to the bar.
I’m already dead inside, because I can’t live my own life.
I push everyone away that I love, hell, even strangers.
Building inside a dormant anger that’s been getting heavier and heavier.
I can’t discharge it.
I can’t discard it.
It only enlarges, and charges.
I can never seem to get enough of anything, no matter how much you are supplying.
But I always have to ask.
I think I see the details, but get them wrong.
I think I care more than I really do.
I really don’t care about anyone but myself.
I should just drown in that bottle on my shelf.
Apparently the hand I give has a tack on the end, it’s about time everyone realized my means to an end.
I know how it’ll end, with me on a bend, losing myself again.
It’ll be okay this time since I’m not hurting anyone anymore.
I’ll just be on the floor.
I’m sure I’ve hurt everyone I’ve cared about, and everyone else who’s known me.
I don’t blame you if you’ve lost trust in me.
I always seem to create huge discrepancies.
I wish I could cry for catharsis, but it just gets bottled up inside.
That bottle right now, is on my shelf.
I should open it tonight.

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Friends and family can be difficult. People can take a 180 in their personality towards you, and it just comes out of nowhere. Not bi-polar, not warranted. Maybe it’s one of life’s unnecessary challenges? Could be more than what we see on the surface. It’s just how we process it and deal with it. Some people are blinded by love, or friendship, or are just to weak to deal with it. Life can force you to make difficult choices, and that's always one of the hardest things.

January, 7^th 2017

89 of 365

Sudden Abandonment

Betrayed so many times I've gotten used to it
Everything I've wanted was free when you were the opposite
I still succumbed to your greed and all your needs
When you gave me absolutely nothing
He gave me these opportunities that I took
Why do they end up slapping me in the face?
Am I supposed to be a mean person?
Because being nice has only caused me pain
I don't see how much sacrifice causes gain
People take advantage of the slightest kindness
Without a thank you or an acknowledgment
You were that way when I was a weakling
Never hungry for anything except my suffering
Why did I think you ever cared?
Now that you're gone you never think of me
It was all a ploy to gain something
In the end, one ends up perfectly better off
One ends up with less than origination
So much less than you can imagine
Because you never put in the same effort
Not like that you didn't

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To use an old Texan phrase, some people think they’re “all of that and a bag of chips.” Those who believe they are such a one of a kind individual, can have such a conceited idea of themselves, that it’s just ridiculous. I decided to take an approach to mostly avoid pronouns (it can be quite a challenge!).

January, 8^th 2017

90 of 365

One-of-a-Kind and Asinine

So calculating, and so cold
Their words hurt, they don't know how so
Yearning for something never coming
Traces of hope vanish to nothing

Grieving in only respite
Killing all will to have a fight
Losers always show off their might
Resulting in characteristic trite

So calculating, and so cold
Learning nothing turning old
Immaturity constantly returning
Affective against all yearning

Understandably destructive
When reactions turn eruptive
Always critical and unconstructive
A kind of perfect 180 shift

Believing they’ve found the gold
To be so ignorantly bold
The imagination can be asinine
If you believe you’re one-of-a-kind

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Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, or topics for me to write about.