Moving mid-second semester into a new dorm across campus honestly gave me so much anxiety. I only had one class with one of the girls, but as the semester comes to an end, I realize I was blessed with weird new roommates. Even though I am transferring, I need to dedicate a somewhat thanks to these two psychopaths. So, to thank them, here are the most common, ridiculous things they both say and do.
1. I think I broke my pillow in half.
2. Did you know when you squeeze the air out of my pillow it expands when I stop applying pressure?
3. I flushed my ice cream down the toilet and it looks like poop.
4. I’m going to press on the horn every time we drive by women running.
5. I only drink light pink seltzer and I’m so sad I can’t find it anywhere.
6. I only poop with music on.
7. I’m actually insane.
8. I only make my bed before I go to bed.
9. My wall is covered in boogers and unknown stickiness.
10. The cookie I ate made me orgasm.
11. Wow, I’m disgusting.
12. I saw the cutest child at dinner and I literally just wanted to steal it.
13. Ugh my stomach. It’s a terrible day to get the sh*ts, there’s no toilet paper.
14. I made a nursery rhyme about our neighbor Luke.
15. If a shooter ever showed up at our school, I would immediately pull down my shirt so fast hoping he won’t shoot me because I have boobs.
16. I’m such a needy girlfriend.
17. I’m trying to grab the bag of Twix with my toes.
18. I managed to grab the bag.19. So I bought Nikki Twix, but I’m the one eating them.
20. You spray yourself with five squirts every morning.
21. No, I only spray myself with three!
22. Screaming turns me on.
23. Why would you point the bottle towards me? I don’t want to be hit with a bottle cap!
24. What the f*** are you doing? You’re so weird.
25. I used to be able to do a split and now I can only get this far.
26. I smell like sh*t.
27. *Burps*
28. My new deodorant isn’t working.
29. Why’d he take all his T-shirts home? What do I sleep in now?
30. I'm addicted to white wine.
31. No, that photo makes me look fat!
32. My head says ab workout, but my heart is says pasta.
33. I'm psycho.
34. I sweat when I make my bed.
35. I think I just peed poop.
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
