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34 Thoughts You Have When You Wake Up Hungover

I am NEVER drinking again.

Melanie Friedman

Jan 30, 2017

University of Wisconsin, Madison

34 Thoughts You Have When You Wake Up Hungover

Scram Systems

1. How did I get home?

2. How much did I drink last night?

3. Oh no. What is my Snapchat story?

4. I think I'm dying.

5. Why did I do this to myself?

6. I can’t move.

7. I need Advil now.

8. And a fat ice coffee with a bagel.

9. Water is a necessity.

10. checks phone

11. I suck.

12. Why do bad things happen to good people?

13. I think I am going to vomit.

14. Someone get me saltines and ginger ale.

15. I hope I didn’t drunk eat last night.

16. The room will not stop spinning.

17. Annnd I’m sweating.

18. I am never going out again.

19. I just don’t understand myself.

20. Who let me dance on an elevated surface?

21. And who spilled beer in my hair?

22. Why am I still in my jeans?

23. Where is my ID and credit card?

24. I hope all of my friends survived.

25. Why did I drink tequila?

26. I can’t watch any Snapchat stories.

27. Should I shower?

28. I should probably stop making dumb decisions.

29. When the f*ck did I order pizza?

30. checks text messages

31. silently curses self out

32. I don’t remember anything.

33. That's it, I'm allergic to alcohol.

34. And it's safe to say I'm never drinking ever again.

Until... *12 hours later*

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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34 Thoughts You Have When You Wake Up Hungover

I am NEVER drinking again.

1. How did I get home?

2. How much did I drink last night?

3. Oh no. What is my Snapchat story?

4. I think I'm dying.

5. Why did I do this to myself?

6. I can’t move.

7. I need Advil now.

8. And a fat ice coffee with a bagel.

9. Water is a necessity.

10. *checks phone*

11. I suck.

12. Why do bad things happen to good people?

13. I think I am going to vomit.

14. Someone get me saltines and ginger ale.

15. I hope I didn’t drunk eat last night.

16. The room will not stop spinning.

17. Annnd I’m sweating.

18. I am never going out again.

19. I just don’t understand myself.

20. Who let me dance on an elevated surface?

21. And who spilled beer in my hair?

22. Why am I still in my jeans?

23. Where is my ID and credit card?

24. I hope all of my friends survived.

25. Why did I drink tequila?

26. I can’t watch any Snapchat stories.

27. Should I shower?

28. I should probably stop making dumb decisions.

29. When the f*ck did I order pizza?

30. *checks text messages*

31. *silently curses self out*

32. I don’t remember anything.

33. That's it, I'm allergic to alcohol.

34. And it's safe to say I'm never drinking ever again.

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AKA, Christmas overload.

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1. Watch an R-rated Scary Movie in a Movie Theater

2. Buy a Lottery Ticket

3. Vote in an Election

4. Participate in a Run (or a Walk, Realistically) for Charity

5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

10. checks phone

30. checks text messages

31. silently curses self out

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