Well folks! It is that time of the year. Work week? Yes. Recruitment? Yes. Back to school? You betcha. But none of these events matter as to what only happens every four glorious year.
It's Olympic season.
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The only other time American's are as patriotic as the 4th of July is the Olympics. You can walk into any pub and start chanting "U S A" and no one will look at you crazy. As much as we all love the Olympics, there are only a few events we all go crazy for. You can probably guess each event millions huddle all together to watch: women's gymnastics, swimming, diving, and "beach f*cking volleyball" (shoutout to Sandy Utter for the best quote). We can all agree that women's gymnastics is the best, though. So here are some thoughts that everyone has during the gymnastics competition.
1. Is that girl 10 years old?
2. Wait, she's only 16?!
3. That girl got a booty.
4. Why can't I be as dedicated to have a booty like that?
5. Do these girls ever age?
6. Why don't my hamstrings look like that?
7. Is that Michael Phelps? Why is still here?!
8. Do these girls even want to do this?
9. Can I touch their butt, though.
10. I would totally break my wrist.
11. I would break my legs.
12. I could never do this.
13. What will they do with their lives after this?
14. Why does this only happen every four years?
15. I could totally do the Olympics.
16. Crap, that girl almost broke her neck!!!
17. I do not want to do this anymore.
18. How do they not get camel toe?
19. What if they get a wedgie?
20. I would probably get the biggest wedgie on international television.
21. Damn, they work them so hard.
22. Where are their boobs?
23. How much hair gel is in their hair?
24. Do that hair style hurt?
25. DAMN GIRL GET IT!
26. Oh yup, USA USA USA.
27. Do you think Gabby Douglas and I could be friends?
28. Nah, I would be better friends with Aly Raisman.
29. What do they eat?
30. Probably Kale. Ew.
31. I really want ice cream right now.
32. But their bodies make me feel bad...
33. Oh well! They're too perfect. I'm going to have my ice cream.
For the next month, enjoy the perfect people that represent USA so we can chant and tell other countries how much better we are than them. Because in the end, we are all proud to be an American. So finish that beer, wave that American flag and be proud we have some amazing, dedicated athletes to represent the great country in the Western Hemisphere.
GO USA.
