CNU's tuition costs are rising. As the school throws down roots and cultivates a legacy, university spending has risen across the board. The school is spending more money, and students are paying more money to go here.

CNU is absolutely developing. The university has emerged as a presence in the state of Virginia virtually overnight amidst a plenitude of colleges with much longer legacies. CNU has grown, and it's improved.

How are we growing and developing as a school? By doing the one thing we've always done, of course.

Building more columns!

CNU's smooth ivory pillars assert its dominance as The Best School. While faculty pay stagnates and administrative workers joyously rake in minimum wage, the school's architecture spending far outshines the rest.

The Greatest Professor at CNU shook her head as she spoke sadly of the columns. "No matter what I do, I cannot surpass the value of these monolithic deities which preside over our campus day and night. Like the Gods of yore they rise up from nothing, and leave the dawn of the day with a beautiful panoramic contrast with the spray-painted Great Lawn. It is in a way, more authentic, this way.

"We are truly living in a second Rome."

A weary-eyed freshmen echoed GP's wonder for the Beasts. We are the great philosophers rising, and day and night we enter the chambers guarded by these Phallic Scrolls; they are there in the day, they are there in the night; No matter what you study, no matter where you go, there shall be a column in that place, like the force of the night, protecting you.

"They look really good on Instagram."

Wow! Inspiring!

As your tuition increases by 14% this coming year and CNU is embarking upon even more architectural ventures, stay inspired as you walk past that unfinished building of a library that you will graduate before you ever get to see. We are CNU, and we must remember what we're really good at.

We are really good at building columns <3

Here are 29 pictures of columns to make you feel better about rising tuition.

1. Wow!

2. Those are some columns, right there!

3.These columns are holding council in their court.

4. So photogenic!

5. What a great photo!

6. These columns even guard you in the night. Dedicated!

7. Look at this bad boy making his way into town.

8. Stately masters in the sunset.

9. For every column placed in the library, student GPA increases by 10%.

10. Majestic!

11. What lavish wealth we have here!

12. Columns do an interpretive art.

13. There must be columns in the Food House.

14. Check out this king of the castle.

15. At night, he is graced with atmospheric lighting, for the Column never sleeps.

16. So academic!

17. Students perform ritual rites to honor their lords and masters.

18. These guys look like they're about to jump you in an alley.

19. Columns promote student engagement. Nice!

20. Such Greek life! These columns are thriving.

21. Can you spot the column indoors in this understated room?

22. Columns are great for doing business.

23. Red columns! See, who ever said CNU doesn't have diversity?!

24. These ivory pillars will guard your way as you enter the Financial Aid office to apply for student loans.

25. Columns of gold! Because we can.

26. Stately!

27. These boys are looking thicc.

28. We are slaves to our ivory gods!

29. These columns work together to build an extravagant dome to mask looming college debt. Inspiring!

I hope you like those columns, cause you paid for them.

Additional Thoughts:

From the Daily Press:

CNU raises tuition for 2017-18 school year.
The total costs for in-state students will come in at $24,878, a 3.8 percent, or $910, increase over the current year. Those increases are projected to generate $2.16 million in revenue. Students' comprehensive fees, which support auxiliary services, will increase by $200. Fees for individual rooms will increase between $140 and $240. Costs for board will go up $170.

The $1.2 million that should be raised by those increases will go toward debt service for the Regattas dining hall expansion, as well as the Shenandoah River Hall, which is slated to begin construction in March 2018, among other items.

Wow! More columns!

Thanks, Paul Trible!