If you're anything like me, you hate exercising. I genuinely believe I was not made to sweat. Ironically enough, the sheer thought of it makes me break out into a cold sweat. I used to swim competitively for the love of the sport and exercise, no doubt. But you don't feel the sweat while you're swimming. I'm just not used to it.

All complaining aside, I decided to take charge of my health and take up the next easiest form of working out: running. To ease my mind into this, I searched high and low for a mobile training app and finally found one that works. The app is called "Couch to 5K". The program calls for 30-minute runs, three days a week for 9 weeks. If you follow the program correctly they say that by the end you should be able to "run a 5K no problem." Interesting, right?

So, how terrible can it be? I just need to lace up my sneakers, grab a water bottle, and hit the treadmill in my basement. The answer to this question is that running is all around terrible and should not be trifled with. That is until you finish and you feel like the sheer pinnacle of all that is healthy in the world.

Since I am the queen of pointless complaints, here are 30 thoughts I've had (and I'm sure almost EVERY new runner also had) while running:

1. *looks at watch-less wrist* Oh, look at the time. It's time for pain.

2. Alright, where are my sneakers?

3. Oh, don't forget water.

4. Okay. Let's do this. You got this.

5. *starts a brisk walk* Walking is so boring. Let's go faster. *cranks up the speed*

6. Oh dear God, not that fast. Not that FAST.

7. Maybe this pace will work.

8. What if I work out so hard that I go full Hulk? Will that be cute?

9. How do people enjoy this? Like this is some people's idea of fun. My idea of fun is listening to music and staring at my ceiling.

10. That's pretty sad. I need to get out more.

11. You gonna look so hot. Make future you proud.

12. How much longer until I can stop this madness?

13. Let's try an incline.

14. NOPE. Back to incline zero.

15. Arms still hurt. Morale is low.

16. Is it this difficult for everyone, or just me? Am I considered running deficient?

17. Think of the abs though. High school reunions will be lit.

18. Are we even having a high school reunion?

19. Oh, look. I'm at the halfway point. Too bad my arms went numb three laps ago.

20. It would be so embarrassing if I tripped while running.

21. *trips on treadmill*

22. FOCUS. Eyes on the prize.

23. What is the prize, though? Definitely not a medal.

24. Oh yes, food. The prize is food. Always food.

25. Is it normal to be breathing this heavily?

26. I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing... just praying to a God that I don't believe in...

27. Omg, thank God. I made it. The cool down is the best part.

28. I guess it wasn't THAT bad.

29. *looks in mirror* Oh, damn girl. I see you.

30. I can do ANYTHING. Hell yeah, same time, same place tomorrow, treadmill. Watch yourself. Booyah.

Thank you for reading my running thoughts. Check back in 9 weeks to see if I actually ran that 5K.