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Politics

30 Things I'd Rather Talk About Than This Election

A collaboration with my ADHD

Cori Mendelow

Nov 15, 2016

Wofford College

30 Things I'd Rather Talk About Than This Election

1. The weather

2. Whatever the Northerners have against sweet tea

3. Different types of grass (there's a lot of 'em so get talkin)

4. Things that are so ugly that they're cute

5. How we got all the good TV shows (have you tuned into disney now???????? tragic.)

6. The fact that McDonald's never has soft serve

7. Why you always want Chik-Fil-A on Sundays

8. The golden era of our lives (I'm talkin' Webkinz & Silly Bandz era)

9. Why dogs are better than cats

10. Why cats are better than dogs

11. Animals wearing clothes

12. Those birds that always end up inside garages

13. Is Kentucky Fried Chicken even Kentucky Fried outside of Kentucky?

14. Doors that aren't labeled push or pull(cruel.)

15. How beanie babies are now demonic

16. Why are brussel sprouts the punching bag of vegetables?

17. Why ice tastes better like this

18. How to stop a sneeze

19. Words that are the same but mean different things

20. States that have cities named after other states (Alabama, New York ... Washington, North Carolina... New York, Florida ... Minnesota, California ...)

21. Who the hell is behind the Old Spice commercials?

22. Why do we bless people for sneezing?

23. Jell-o shots (nobody wants to experience a shot any longer than necessary.... so extra burn and extra calories... prime)

24. Your favorite joke (What do you call a nosey pepper? ... Jalapeño business)

25. How stupid jokes are the best jokes (Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? ... because then it'd be a foot)

26. The first time you got cake shoved in your face (my 8th birthday party and I cried)

27. Whoever thought to mash up a nut and mix it with a mashed up fruit (PBJ)

28. Why sporks are easily the Zeus of utensils and extremely underrated

29. Doodle jump (ho yah, you remember it)

30. If you crush a can, is it still a can?

I'm not ignorant. I'm not uneducated. I'm not un-American or ungrateful.

I'm just not lookin for a fight. So how bout talkin to me bout one of these topics instead of politics!!!!!!!!!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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30 Things I'd Rather Talk About Than This Election

A collaboration with my ADHD

Subscribe to our Newsletter

The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

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3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

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