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30 Things I'd Rather Talk About Than This Election

A collaboration with my ADHD

Cori Mendelow

Nov 15, 2016

Wofford College

30 Things I'd Rather Talk About Than This Election

1. The weather

2. Whatever the Northerners have against sweet tea

3. Different types of grass (there's a lot of 'em so get talkin)

4. Things that are so ugly that they're cute

5. How we got all the good TV shows (have you tuned into disney now???????? tragic.)

6. The fact that McDonald's never has soft serve

7. Why you always want Chik-Fil-A on Sundays

8. The golden era of our lives (I'm talkin' Webkinz & Silly Bandz era)

9. Why dogs are better than cats

10. Why cats are better than dogs

11. Animals wearing clothes

12. Those birds that always end up inside garages

13. Is Kentucky Fried Chicken even Kentucky Fried outside of Kentucky?

14. Doors that aren't labeled push or pull(cruel.)

15. How beanie babies are now demonic

16. Why are brussel sprouts the punching bag of vegetables?

17. Why ice tastes better like this

18. How to stop a sneeze

19. Words that are the same but mean different things

20. States that have cities named after other states (Alabama, New York ... Washington, North Carolina... New York, Florida ... Minnesota, California ...)

21. Who the hell is behind the Old Spice commercials?

22. Why do we bless people for sneezing?

23. Jell-o shots (nobody wants to experience a shot any longer than necessary.... so extra burn and extra calories... prime)

24. Your favorite joke (What do you call a nosey pepper? ... Jalapeño business)

25. How stupid jokes are the best jokes (Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? ... because then it'd be a foot)

26. The first time you got cake shoved in your face (my 8th birthday party and I cried)

27. Whoever thought to mash up a nut and mix it with a mashed up fruit (PBJ)

28. Why sporks are easily the Zeus of utensils and extremely underrated

29. Doodle jump (ho yah, you remember it)

30. If you crush a can, is it still a can?

I'm not ignorant. I'm not uneducated. I'm not un-American or ungrateful.

I'm just not lookin for a fight. So how bout talkin to me bout one of these topics instead of politics!!!!!!!!!

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30 Things I'd Rather Talk About Than This Election

A collaboration with my ADHD

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!