Let's talk about Empo, or in more official words, The Math Emporium.

Why? Why is Empo a thing? Like ok, so yes there are the legit benefits, but we are going to push those aside and continue our complaining.

If you don't go to Virginia Tech (sucks for you, sorry dude you're missing out), then let me give you a rundown about what The Math Emporium is. The Math Emporium is a "learning center" about 1.5 miles off campus. Basically, there are crap ton of Apple computers there and we usually go there for our online math courses. I mean you can go there to study other stuff if you prefer to, but most go because they have to. If you want a more official description (why would you though), you can check out their website. Looks wise, the place itself is very uniform and gloomy, but it's ok because that just makes it a great place to cry.

Anyways, here are 30 things I'd rather do than get on the UMS and go to Empo:

1. Get slapped by the Hokie bird. Twice.

2. Wear my "What's A Hokie?" shirt 24/7.

3. Wait in the Qdoba line during prime time.

4. Wear my lanyard around my neck.

5. Have President Sands look me in my weak mortal eyes, and tell me that my fly is down.

6. Drop my Benny's slice on the ground.

7. Have to jump to Enter Sandman with two broken legs or jump to Enter Sandman and fall off the bleachers, breaking both my legs. Either way.

8. Never have Chicken Parm again.

9. Talk to every single booth on the Drillfield.

10. Cry.

11. Have my computer play an ad for Vagisil in a huge lecture hall.

12. Drop my iClicker right before a question and have the batteries fling across the room so I can't answer the questions.

13. Have my unassigned lecture seat taken every class.

14. Wait for literally every Cadet here at VT to walk by before crossing.

15. Have a VT squirrel take my chicken and waffles for hostage.

16. Hike McAfee Knob when it is sleeting and slippery thus falling constantly on my butt in front of everyone else.

17. Join in every time a family tour group is walking around campus and pretend I don't go here.

18. Be in the same elevator as the Pritchard pooper.

19. Eat D2 and deal with the consequences of eating D2.

20. Run around campus while I scream and play the Virginia Tech Fight Song from a speaker.

21. Go to West End during prime time wearing a Hokie Bird Onesie made for adults.

22. Cry some more.

23. Go to a Marching Virginians' audition with a recorder and start playing hot cross buns like it's my sole purpose on Earth.

24. Let the whole VT defensive line tackle me to my death.

25. Wear John Boyer, aka the Plaid Avenger's, plaid outfits for a month.

26. Show people my hideous Hokie P photo. Trust me. It's so bad.

27. Only be allowed to answer questions with a gobble noise for a week.

28. Get hit by those speed demon bikers on the Drillfield.

29. Have a duck constantly follow me and quacking at me until I gave it my steak (that I waited an hour for) from West End.

30. Make a list of 30 things I'd rather do than go to Empo.