You can bet that I was excited when I heard about the Netflix original spinoff "Fuller House," set to premier on February 26. You can also bet that I am going to watch every second of it, and you can't make fun of me because you know you are too. However, having the journalistic connections that I do (online reviews and Wikipedia), I discovered some things that have taken a slight edge off my excitement for the new show, and I feel a responsibility to share them.

1. Uncle Jesse, Joey, and Danny Tanner are only in the pilot episode... and Michelle is nowhere to be found.

John Stamos' character Uncle Jesse will only make a cameo from time to time, so I guess Uncle Jesse's music career took off or something? Jesse and the Rippers must have really hit their stride. In reality, the reason is probably that Stamos is busy with another show, "Grandfathered," in which he stars alongside Josh Peck (more nostalgia, you guys. I'm about to cry).

IT'S SPHERICAL

As for Bob Saget's role as Danny Tanner, well, his absence has yet to be explained. It's understandable though as Bob Saget is a busy man. "Full House" was the launching point of his illustrious career, which features such beloved roles as Danny Tanner, the host of "America's Funniest Home Videos," and... and, uh...

Michelle is not on the show, and I'm assured by my sources that her absence is explained. It can be better explained by the fact that the Olson Twins, who originally played the character, are the CEOs of an entertainment company and are among some of the richest celebrities in Hollywood. It can safely be assumed they have better things to do.

Dave Coulier, who played Joey, obviously got murdered by that puppet.

2. It's pretty much the same as the original show.

The show revolves around DJ Fuller (Get it? Her last name is Fuller. Fuller.), a mother of two, with a third on the way, who has been recently widowed and moves back to her old home with Stephanie and her best friend Kimmy Gibler to raise her children. Notice that this plot is a radical deviation from the plot of the original show, in which Danny Tanner, a recent widower has his brother and best friend move in to raise his threedaughters.

They changed the genders of the main characters. The plot is the same.

So is their house:

They literally have not re-decorated in 20 years. That couch is probably just the worst. DJ probably needs help raising her kids because she has crippling back problems from her 20-plus-year-old couch.

Also, the golden retriever. It's the same dog as Comet was, and I'm willing to bet that his name is some similar space-rock-related name like Asteroid or Meteor.

3. It raises questions about certain characters.

First of all, Kimmy Gibler is a single mother. She may be divorced or never married, which is a drastic change from the original show's idealized family morals. But it could be explained by the possibility that Kimmy herself is a widow, in which case what is wrong with the Tanner household? Seriously, stay away from that house. Danny's wife (DJ's mom) died, which gave us the premise of the original series, and now DJ's husband has died which, naturally, gives us the premise of the spinoff. Is Kimmy's husband also dead? What about Stephanie? She is single in the show as well. Did she have a husband? What about Michelle? We never see her either.

I'm just sayin'.