“Now cross your arms like this, bow, and say chào.”

My seven year old self did as I was told; my straight bangs sashayed as I bowed. That was one type of goodbye I learned. It was the formal way of biding goodbye to my elders. Over the past month I gave my farewells to many people. One consisted of a quick exchange of words before I had to run off to catch a train. Another was a formal handshake. Overall, I realized that there were three types of goodbyes that we were never taught.

1) Not knowing when you will see each other next.

Pull back the velvet red curtains and cue the cinematographic monochrome scene. Two lovers wrap themselves into their own world at the bustling airport. One lifts their eyes from the ground. One murmurs words only meant for their counterpart to hear. One last kiss followed by the reverberation of footsteps. Then the scene dims and the credits roll. Despite the dramatic flair and situation that films attribute to this type of goodbye, this type is the most common. When we bid adieu to someone, we never really know when we’ll see them next unless we made plans.

2) Expecting to see each other again but not having things go as planned.

This happened while I was abroad and it was something that affected me much more than I thought it would. I woke up to a message that described how and why I wasn’t going to see the person I planned to see again. I shrugged it off as something I had suspected would happen. My day of exploration would continue as planned, just minus the company of another. Cut into a galette, pick up some souvenirs, take a peek at street art laneways, nap, and head back out. When I sat in front of the setting skyline amidst the steps of a popular tourist attraction, it clicked. I looked forward to spending time with that person while discovering a new world. I wasn’t able to see them and it was unlikely that I would get another opportunity to. The realization created a direct bridge to the third type of goodbye.

3) Knowing that you will never see each other again.

This is the least common goodbye in everyday life. Usually this occurs due to death or voluntary action. The former is much more permanent than the latter. With the latter, you may run into each other out of coincidence. Despite the vastness of the world, the world is small. We will have unexpected or unwanted encounters with those we know.

Goodbyes can be undeniably painful. But they are a necessity to life; they pave the way for new feelings and people into our lives.