Sociologists all agree that culture shock has four distinct undeniable phases. The first stage (Honeymoon Phase) is just that paradise. When I first moved to Ecuador although everything wasn’t peachy keen with my job situation, I was in love. It’s kinda the same as a relationship. I was in the infatuation stage. The food prices were low, my rent was even lower, I got to speak Spanish every day, and I was infatuated with every single difference Ecuador had to offer me.The second stage (Negotiation Phase). This is usually the worst part. All those differences that had me in love now had me with a headache. Yes, the prices were low, but God forbid I needed to return or exchange something!!! You’d have a better chance of getting Kanye to be about black women (all shade intended). Couple that with the language barrier and I usually just let it go. The third stage (Adjustment Phase) gets you settled in. Absolutely everything isn’t getting on your everlasting nerves. You are surviving. The fourth and last stage (Adaptation Phase) is where you can show off your mastery of cultural knowledge and brag to your friends (finally) about how well you are fitting in. All of which can make or break your experience living abroad. Sadly, I can’t say that I am there yet but I am getting close.

Aside from the culture shock, the biggest concept, I’ve had to overcome abroad has been loneliness. You miss your mama, your friends, turn-up tribe, and it's hard. You start to get in this cycle of going to work, going home, and not having much of a life outside of that. For me, it wasn’t for a lack of trying, but it’s really hard to create lasting relationships when you can barely hold a conversation. But I have developed a sort of rhythm that has helped me really find my groove and I want to share those tips with you.

1. Learn the Language

This might seem like a (duh bish) moment, like why else did you move abroad. But you know what is the real bitch COLONIALISM. Many of us don’t realize it, but we have English Language Privilege, which means pretty much anywhere in the world we go there are people who speak English. In a regular day, I don’t speak much Spanish, simply because I don’t have to. Cab interactions are short and dealings with a cashier are even shorter. Two to three sentences at the most. As an English professor in an English department, I speak English all day long. Once I got into the adaptation phase of my culture shock, I realized that I really had to put forth the effort to learn Spanish the way I wanted to. Taking lessons even as little as twice a week can help. By learning the language you are creating an opportunity to have better interactions with people. You may not make lifelong friends, but you will at least get a turn-up squad and you won’t be confined to sitting in the house all the time.

2. Have a Drink

As an educator, I am definitely not promoting drinking. But, having a drink out a few nights a month can make a big difference in your experience. For one, when you drink your affective filters are more relaxed. Again (not getting sloshed) just a bit tipsy. The kind where you can talk freely with people. Normally when speaking in another language, your mind is working over time, translating, conjugating verbs, and overthinking sentence structure. I went out to a dinner party once and it was pretty boring, so I decided to let loose on the free wine. I actually ended up having a great conversation with a professor from Cuba about the future of the country now that the American embargo has been lifted-- in you guessed it COMPLETE SPANISH (flex fo' da gram)!!! I didn’t think about any of the things that normally rack my brain, I listened intently, and responded with confidence.

3. Join a Collective

During the worst parts of my culture shock, I had severe depression. I mean, I’m not a psychologist...so I don’t really know, but I was feeling pretty bad. Day in and day out, doing the same things and not having a social life was killing me. I’m also a poet. Going to poetry venues whether I performed or not was always like therapy for me. Not having my usual turn-up squad and going out alone can be a daunting task. So I joined to online collectives, one for weight loss and one for meditation. I also joined groups, that had roots where I was, writing groups, small business groups, and even a yoga group all based in Ecuador. It was a great way to meet people, who were global minded and had similar interests. I know, I know, you are like, "but you could've just been on social media." But while you are living abroad it's important to feel like you are a part of something. If not you are just wandering aimlessly, taking selfies with no one to show them to.

Take this advice and run with it! Love, Peace, and Hair Grease.