As I sit on my bed at 2:30 a.m. wide awake...I finally have some inspiration for my first Odyssey article! Exciting, right? Well I'd like to take this moment to thank my right hand man, the Hamilton to my George Washington, ladies and gentleman I'm talking about my anxiety. Ah, yes. Anxiety. This little attribute makes us unique in many ways. I'm writing this article because I want to focus on how those of us who struggle shouldn't have a stigma or let it define us. I'm learning new ways not to sabotage myself and figuring out how I can stop being my own worst enemy.
Like many people, I struggle with anxiety. I clench my jaw, pace around the room, shake, sweat, cry, and panic as if someone were paying me by the hour to do so. Some days are better than others for me and that's okay. I'm not worried about assignments being due, my plans after I've finished graduate school, or what to write for an article (okay--well not today at least), but I worry about little things that I call "what ifs."
Examples include (but are not limited to):
-What if I'm not sick, but I'm actually dying?
-What if this headache is actually a tumor?
-What if I have a nightmare when I go to sleep? How will I move on?
-I heard a lot of people mention strokes today...what if I have one?
The list goes on and the cycle continues. I overthink to a point where I feel stuck in my head. That's not fun and I shouldn't do this to myself. That being said--I am aware I do this to myself by pondering these questions that have no solutions or realistic answers that will reassure me I'm doing just fine. In short, I accept who I am and know that I can keep moving forward by finding ways to cope. That's where the top 3 enter.
1. Overthinking can be useful when necessary...but it can also be counterproductive.
If you're making a plan of what to bring to the beach tomorrow...that's a good scenario to overthink. You don't go to the beach everyday (at least here in the constantly weather confused New England we don't), so it would make sense to ask yourself:
-What if we don't have enough snacks? Let's look at surrounding areas to eat at or grab food from. Or what if it's raining? Let's pack an umbrella just in case!
- It looks busy on the highways. Maybe we should wait so we don't get stuck in traffic or risk getting into an accident.
But not everyday is a day at the beach. Sometimes when I overthink, I'm not even planning. Overthinking sabotages my way of thinking by taking something positive and spinning it into something dangerous, dark, or takes it to an extreme. My prime example is writing openly to the public. I feared so much of what others would think and I was so afraid of others thinking I was trying to classify that my anxiety as a one-size-fits all for all of those who have this. When in reality--I know not everyone will think that. It's more productive to think of the positive outcomes outweighing the worst ones. Jumping to the worst conclusion doesn't really prepare me for anything.
It's times like this when I reference my dad: "What if it rains money tomorrow? Then we'll all be millionaires." In other words--I can think of all the negative "what ifs" I want but there are also positive ones in there too. You don't need to "prepare" for the positive "what ifs."
2. Not all "what ifs" are valid.
Thoughts are not facts. It's somewhat comforting to know those words. That's when I knew I could make some progress if I keep moving forward. I can't be productive if I'm only obsessing over a billion things out of my control. Also--no one wins in the game of what if because there are no solutions in real time to answer the questions we're searching for. Did Superman constantly worry about where the kryptonite would be or where the villains were going to get him? He had a job to do and that was the priority at hand. I have a job at hand and that's to keep moving forward.
3. Using this quirk as a driving force.
I call my anxiety a quirk. It makes me quirky. My boyfriend even tells me that I can come up with some pretty creative horrific (and unrealistic) scenarios when I express some of my "what ifs" to him. That's not a bad thing! I like writing and thinking up stories. We are creative and imaginative people. Our complex thinking can be a blessing and a curse because we're passionate. It's where we put that passion and how we turn it into worry. At least that's what happens with me. Apples are fruits but not all fruits are apples. My experience will differ from anyone else who has anxiety. For me, using it to drive my creativity and put my effort/energy into drawing and writing can help. It may not be a permanent fix at times, but it helps me. Creative outlets can often help put our energy into places that distract us or relieve our stress. I love doodling in my sketch book. I'm not Picasso, but I LOVE to focus on the drawing and doing my best! This helps me create a balance and gives me a place to put energy and ease my mind at times. Drawing may not be your thing, but I'm sure there is something out there that will help like maybe trying new fitness routines, cooking, reading a book, or watching some YouTube videos. Whatever inspires you to be your best self--I find that comforting. Famous artists like Janis Joplin and Adele channeled their emotions and put them into song--they used their creative outlet of music.
My way of coping/thinking isn't gospel, and I'm still learning everyday. My message is to keep learning, continue to get to know yourself, and keep moving forward so we don't sabotage ourselves by letting anxiety win and dictate how we live. I have that happen time to time and I don't want to live my life as a puppet to my obstacles. I think by removing the stigma and letting others know that they're not alone with this can help create a positive community and encourage discussions that can change our way of thinking about our mental well-being. After all, when the going gets tough...the tough gets going! We can all put up a good fight without feeling defeated. We deserve that.
