Aw, look at little baby me! I was happily the apple of my parents' eyes with their complete and undivided attention and for me, it stayed that way. Years passed and I wished on every birthday candle and asked Santa, year after year, for a baby brother or sister, but still I never got one. I never understood why all of my friends had brothers and sisters while I didn't, but as it turns out I had a pretty cool and unique childhood as the one and only -- and now I would not trade it for anything.
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Then, my friends started coming to school complaining about their baby brother crying all night long, their older sister picking on them, or their brother chasing them around with the worms they had just dug up in the backyard. That's when it started happening. That's when I heard the infamous line for the first time: "You're an only child? You're so lucky and you've got to be so spoiled. Ugh."
Say what? So you're telling me that as an 8-year-old little girl, whose parents decided not have more children, that I'm a lucky, spoiled brat? I'm having a hard time figuring out how you got to that conclusion. Sure, I don't know what it's like to have a sibling, but you don't know what it's like to be an only child so, I am gonna kindly ask you to hush up.
Here are some of the most commonly used lines that I would like eliminated from the English language (along with "moist," but we'll have that conversation another day).
"You have to be so spoiled."
Um, nope. I have worked since I was 15 and was lucky enough to have parents who taught me the value of hard work. This past summer I worked more jobs than I had to and do not feel entitled to get everything on my wish list just because I am the only child that my parents have to buy for.
"You're so lucky!"
This one always kills me. Do you dislike your siblings so much that you wish you were as "lucky" as me to not have them? So you wish that your little brother, Joe, would disappear? If that's the case, tell little Joe that I'll adopt him. Also, I will never be a biological aunt to anyone and I have always dreamed of spoiling my niece or nephew one day and unfortunately that will never be a reality for me.
"Better hope you don't marry an only child."
I'd like to think that there is perfect guy out there for me and if he is an only child, so be it.
This one is usually followed with, "That would be so sad for your children. They wouldn't have any cousins or aunts or uncles. You couldn't do that to them!" Now, I'm not saying that I don't want to go on big family vacations with a ton of their cousins, but if the love of my life happens to be an only child, then we're still going to have a wonderful family vacation, gosh dang it.
So, to all those people with siblings out there, remember a few simple things: we had no control in being an only child and only children are not automatically spoiled.
And to all my fellow only children out there, next time you're chastised for being the one and only you're only response should be, "Well, my parents just stopped at perfection. How about yours?"
Enough said.
