Over the last few weeks, we have looked at the first 2 reasons as to why you may still be single. 1. YOU... yes, you. You're behaviors and choices in men can keep you from moving forward. 2. The Church. Yes, I know! But your single church friends and women's groups that single shame, can very well keep you single. The final week we will talk about the 3rd reason. and that is Your Friends.

Reason #3

YOUR FRIENDS

This reason ties in somewhat with Reason #2. Your friends can very well be one of the reasons you are still single. They mean well, they try their best to give you good advice, but often times they are giving you advice from a place of hurt and unrecognized jealousy. Some of your friends are bitter and don’t even realize it. They are hurt and trying to figure it all out and the minute you come looking for direction, they can steer you the wrong way without even realizing it. This “bad direction” can come in many forms. Here are a few.

Imposing their fears onto you

People can project their fears and hurt onto our experience even where there is no real threat or issue. They may have been hurt before by a guy who was the same complexion and height as your current interest. All of a sudden they are telling you why your new interest is no good. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but because they have projected their issues onto you, you now begin to find faults in him or become fearful of what “may happen.” They may have been cheated on and now they are giving you all kinds of scenarios about how and why it can happen to you.

Knowingly (and sometimes unknowingly) wanting to see you fail.

Let’s face it. Some of your friends are haters! No sugar coating it, they want to see you fail. If you get into a relationship then they miss out on having you around to fill their empty space. They won’t have you around for girl’s night every weekend. Your time and focus will be mainly on your new relationship and quite frankly they don’t like the sound of that. So they give you bad advice and impart negative thoughts about relationships to you. They begin to belittle the idea of you wanting to get in a relationship. Everything is ALWAYS wrong with every guy you meet. If it’s not a character flaw they see, they wonder why his nose is too big, or his head is shaped weird. Anything they can do to plant a seed of doubt in you. One mistake and they are ready to crucify him. Remember how it was for Jesus right before the crucifixion? He rode in on the donkey and they sung his praises in John 12:13 and by John 23:21 they were yelling to crucify him! That’s how it can be with your single and not so satisfied friends. One minute they are “happy” that you met someone new and the next they are trying to “help you find” every reason to leave him alone. This will DEFINITELY keep you single.

Last but not least, the friend that can steer you in the wrong direction when it comes to love is…

The unhappily married (or in a committed relationship) friend

You know the type. She has a man but 9 times out of 10 she is complaining about him. How he’s this and how he’s that and even all the things he isn’t. She is never satisfied with the things he is doing for her and in their relationship. She always has a negative story to tell as well. This type of friend will keep you single. Every time you find a man or mention relationships she will have something to say. She will rave on and on about why you should reconsider and encourage you to “look at how unhappy she is!” she will help you find faults in your new man, just like your bitter friend mentioned above. She will make you believe she is always trying to satisfy him and make the relationship better but what she doesn’t tell you is she carries that same nasty attitude into her time with him. She doesn’t want to see you happy. Sometimes she really is in a bad relationship, but remember it’s her own decision to stay there. You are not her and you going to make a good choice in relationships, but you will never get there if you continue to listen to your friends.

TRY THIS

This is going to be tough but it will be WORTH IT! I had to do this and I learned it’s the best advice anyone ever gave me. You ready? All right, here it is… Keep your mouth shut and your moves a secret. There you have it. Once you do finally meet a nice guy, keep your friends out of it until it is ESTABLISHED. You should have a trusted confidant who can help you see any red flags that you might have missed, but it shouldn’t be the type of friends that I just mentioned. While you were reading the descriptions about the friends, I am willing to bet a friend came to mind and she fit the description above. That is the friend I want you to keep it from. She is the one who God is showing you will steal your seed and devour your harvest. You have to treat this new relationship like a newborn baby. Not like these new school parents who are out the next day, but the old school mothers. Whose baby didn’t come out the house for the first 6 weeks. Who made you put on hand sanitizer and a burp cloth and made you sit down when you held their baby. You need to treat your new relationship like that. Especially if you know that it is what God has for you. Once you have gotten the opportunity to ask the right questions, spend time with him, and get to know his CHARACTER, THEN you can begin to introduce the relationship to your other friends. This takes around 3 months if you do the work right. Trust me it will be worth it! *You can thank me later*

Conclusion

Contrary to popular believe there is nothing wrong with being single. With the proper perspective, it can be an absolutely AMAZING season in your life. The bible says that is a time when we can fully serve the Lord. We may have minimal responsibilities and no partner to answer to. If you don’t have any children you can pursue your career and educational goals. You are free to roam about the world without anyone holding you back. If you do have children, you can still pursue your goals and dreams with only them to worry about. Our single season is a time to discover who we are, explore our passions, and pursue our dreams. It is a time where we can make mistakes and learn and grown. There is nothing wrong with being single, there is also nothing wrong with wanting to be married either. When you have decided to make that transition in life you should be able to do it without any issues or regrets. You should be able to freely date and explore your options and make the decision for yourself. No one has the right to “shame” you for wanting to be married. Once you have made it up in your heart, begin to seek God and his direction for you in this area. Your love life is a 3 strand cord; God, you, and your partner. Not a 20 strand cord, where you are trying to keep everyone included, but just the 3 strands. My assumption is you downloaded this book because you are ready to venture into a relationship. You are tired of being single and are ready to forge ahead. GREAT! I hope this book has opened your eyes to some distractions that have been hindering you from entering into a relationship with someone who will love, honor, and respect you.Please check out my other books that will help you do the work to get you married to God’s best!

Hagar’s Affirmation

I am a Daughter of the Most High. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am beautiful, whole, and complete. Everything I need can be found in and provided by my Father. I don’t have to beg for anything or anyone’s attention. I realize that I am the prize, the good thing to be found. I will not beg for scraps when I know that my Father has prepared a table for me. I am empowered, encouraged, educated and edified. God has opened my eyes to see that I can do all and be all I’ve been called to be through Christ who strengthens me. I will allow the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me as I begin again the kingdom way and receive all that my Father has for me. I am beautiful and whole and perfectly me. I am a Daughter of the Most High, just who I’ve been called to be