When I was three years old I played house with my sister and dressed up as a princess like most little girls my age. We even played wedding—where my stuffed dinosaur was the groom 9 out of 10 times—and my sister was the blushing bride walking down our hallway and off towards the kitchen for her happily ever after. But, like some kids, we grew up. My sister quickly shed her tiara and plastic shoes in exchange for a bandana and sneakers. She became the confident and engineer-minded girl we all knew she would become. She was going to rock the world with her independent films and I couldn’t wait to see it happen. But I was different. I didn’t want to trade in my tiara for anything. I wanted to keep my childhood dreams alive, especially the one where a handsome prince comes to save me from my immanent adulthood. But as I got older I realized my childhood dream became a nightmare. A nightmare in which I was prevented from becoming who I was made to be. Over the course of ten years I have come to learn that I don’t actually need a prince to save me. I’ve already been saved by the King of Kings and he has helped me discover myself in ways I never could have managed on my own.
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One of the comforts of waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and rescue me was it let me be the coward. I hid my face in my books all through high school and even graduated a year early just so I could hide an extra year at home. But God believed in me more than I believed in myself. He pushed me to go to college despite my fears. Though everyone else was pressuring me I didn’t get up the courage to go until I received the go signal from God. But I chose the school my sister was oing to and became her roommate. Why make it needlessly harder on myself anyway? But, to me, college was just a way to kill time until I met “the One.” In the end, however, God inspired to me not to hide behind my books and actually meet people. Though I didn’t meet “the One” I have met “the Ones.” I made friends and pursued opportunities. None of this would have been possible if God hadn’t challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and believe in myself for a change.
Me
The only thing I feel comfortable taking credit for is obeying God. And even that was done rather poorly. But I have found that when I go the way He has prepared for me, I usually end up much happier. Honestly, I know in my heart I am not ready for marriage and if I have learned anything about myself it is that I am a free spirit. I didn’t know that growing up. But God did. In delaying my gratification, He gave me the time I needed to see that. If I got married right after high school like I wanted I would be uneducated, unchallenged, and most likely miserable. Marriage for me would be a new hiding place and it would be even more impossible to get me to leave my new comfort zone. In the midst of not getting what I wanted, I discovered myself in ways I never could before. But let me be clear: this is not a “bah! Humbug!” article on marriage. I still desire it, just with someone I see myself fighting for the rest of my life and not someone I see myself fighting with for all eternity. If I get married, it will not be at the expense of the relationships God has already given me or at the expense of my own conscience. My husband will only extend my family, not decrease it. He will be an added blessing to my life and not a burden. And I hope vice versa.
Limitless Possibilities
Working with God’s plan rather than against Him, has helped me keep my dreams as dreams. I don’t mean this in a negative way, but in a pliable way. Whenever we set our dreams in stone, we don’t give ourselves the freedom to change them. Dreams are inspirational because of their airy quality. They can change and expand the more we learn about ourselves. The beauty of God’s plan is that He doesn’t give us the details, only the faith to trust Him as He leads us step by step. This leaves room for dreams. When I clung to my plans, I subjected myself to a dismal future only as a wife and mother and nothing else. But God’s plan led me to university, gave me lifelong friends I never imagined I would find, and challenged me to dream even bigger. Now I am making a 3-5 year plan to save up money and attend grad school in the UK. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get my Doctorates as well! All I know is God’s plan has proven better than anything I could come up with and if we are willing to just give His plan a chance we may discover that the possibilities are simply endless!
