For most of my life, I have been a perfectionist.
When I was younger, this was simply an admirable attitude that drove me to work hard, care about others, and be the best I could be. In the glorious world of childhood, I could succeed if I simply tried to please.
As I got older and life got harder, I often couldn’t live up to my own prior expectations of excellence. I lived in fear of not being good enough, not living up to expectations, or not succeeding at anything, simply because I couldn’t be “perfect.”
While it’s good to grow, care, and improve as much as we can, the one thing we can’t do is be perfect.
That's ok.
Here are the top 3 reasons I’m fighting to give up perfectionism.
1) It makes me forget to “do it anyway,” even if I’m not the best.
If we wait until we are the best, then we will never do anything. I remember when I stopped writing simply because I was intimidated by better writers. When I finally admitted that there was no such thing as a perfect writer and gave myself permission to make mistakes, the words started flowing. They'd been there all along, I had just told them they weren't good enough.
We all have unique talents and something to give. So don’t stop singing, writing, running, whatever you do, just because someone else is better at it. Learn from others-- don’t compete with them.
2) It keeps me from deeper relationships with family and friends.
We all get caught in the trap of trying too hard to keep it all together, to look like we’re in control so nobody worries or asks questions. I can recall some dark days where I did it constantly.
It’s one of my biggest regrets because it kept me from going deeper. Sometimes I worked so hard to keep a brave face that I missed opportunities to bond with others, and possibly kept them from opening up. If we want to heal — if we want to help others heal — we’ve got to get real. We’ve got to admit that we’re beautiful and broken.
3) It distorts the way I see myself.
Perfectionism made me see things in extremes. If I succeeded, I saw myself as a bright, talented, caring person that could accomplish anything. If I failed in one area, I would question whether I was really good at anything.
Perfectionism says your value is in what you do.
It’s not. Your value is in who you are.
Can I wrap this up with a little word of hope? When I say your value is in “who you are,” let me tell you what I mean.
I mean that you are someone who is deeply known. You are someone who matters. You are someone with intrinsic worth. You are someone who is loved passionately. Not by people alone, but by the God who made you. (Don’t take my word for it- look at His: “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”- Romans 5:8- and there’s plenty more where that came from.) Not only does He put up with broken people, He wants us too.
My obsession with perfectionism is something I still struggle with. But the more I get to know Jesus, the more I see that I’m free to be flawed. I don’t have to be perfect because I’m secure in the love of the Someone who is.
