1. The (Back-up) Badass

Soldier Whatsherface has been fighting her whole life. She fought her way to the top of her class, and is very strong, even though she’s a size two and can’t weigh more than 110 pounds. The only time she shows emotion is when one of her male colleagues breaks and she screams at him, “Stop whining like a girl!”

She is in line for a Big Promotion when *record scratch* a ruggedly handsome, yet supposedly average Joe comes in out of nowhere. Joe knows absolutely nothing about fighting or really anything in general. Whatsherface hates Joe. Joe gets put in the fighting regimen and in about a two minute training montage over the span of maybe a week, he is just as skilled, if not more, than Whatsherface. Whatsherface is furious. One day, Joe stumbles in on Whatsherface crying. This weakness makes Joe feel good. He pats her back or something and she melts into his arms. Cut to steamy sex scene. Later, Average Joe goes off to fight the main villain, while Whatsherface fights the main villain’s female henchman. The henchman looks exactly like Whatsherface but has black hair or something. Director’s note: all females in this movie must have the body of Kendall Jenner and the face of Jessica Alba.

All outfits must showcase her body, and should not under any circumstances offer any support or protection in any way. No bra sizes under 32 C, and no emotions besides “irrational anger,” “pretty crying” and “I’m-okay-with-not-getting-my-own-action-figure happiness.”

2. The Girl Who Was Better Than Everyone

*Insert basic white girl name here* was one of the smartest girls in her class. She was also one of the prettiest. But no one knew about the latter due to the fact that glasses apparently make you super ugly.

All the other girls in her moderately sized high school were dumb and blonde and wore skirts. She was different from these other girls because she read books and drank tea and listened to indie music and had brown hair. One day, she meets Allister Weirdguy Addams, or “Al” for short. She always thought of Al as a weird guy, but after getting paired up for a project, she slowly falls in love with the fact that he always wears a leather jacket. Or the fact that he carries around the book, “Sad Title,” by Incredibly Pretentious Author. Or how he prank calls retirement homes “ironically.” Al’s mom gets sick, which is a huge turning point for the movie somehow, but Al and Main Girl’s love heals her. Director’s note: End shot with lovers lying down in a field listening to a popular indie song. Main Girl should be pretty, but shown as very ugly, since she has glasses.

3. The Snobby Secondary

Mary Sue was born into a high-class family. She was very clever, with big brown eyes. She was also very stubborn and liked to get her way. Words associated with her include “precocious” and “bull-headed” and “catty,” and really any other synonym to “b*tchy know-it-all.” Mary Sue and her family liked to vacation to beautiful, faraway places. On one particular vacation, the plane malfunctioned, and they had to crash land onto a deserted island. After the smoke clears, Mary seems to be all alone! Except for the cabin boy, Nick. Nick is your typical, down-to-earth, yet somehow good at everything guy. Somehow, Nick knows everything about surviving in the wild. Mary Sue THINKS she knows how to survive, but because she’s rich, and a girl, she does not. Every time Mary messes up, Nick has to save the day and listen to Mary Sue whine. Towards the end of the story, Mary has toned down her stubborn ways and listens to Nick. Nick finds a way to get them both off the island, and once they’re home, they decide to get married. Nick uses Mary’s family’s wealth and influence to further his career. Mary uses her abilities as a woman to be a stay-at-home mom. Any argument that her character demonizes women can be refuted by the author, who says, “She’s not a damsel in distress! She’s, like, smart! Just not as smart as Nick!”

Director's note: Mary Sue should be white, skinny and have a shrill voice. Wardrobe must include see-through dresses and not much else. Mary is a 16-year-old girl, but must be played by a 25-year-old woman.

So how about we stop using these stereotypes to create female characters? How about we have more Reys? I’m sure little girls would love to have an action role model who isn’t sexualized.

Or maybe some more Hermiones? Who doesn’t love a smart girl who can save the day?

Let’s have more Rues, more Mulans, just more of anyone that doesn’t cater to the idea that women are no more than annoying sex toys who don’t do anything but contribute to their white, male counterpart’s story line.