I am from Nowhere, Montana. There are few people on this planet that have heard of Townsend, Montana, with its population of less than 2,000; I knew nearly the entire town growing up. This was certainly not a bad thing. Growing up in a small town in the most beautiful state in the United States is nothing I can complain about. The story of Nowhere, Montana is a common thread sewn throughout the state. Small towns throughout Montana share a unique culture. This is a list of just a few of those similarities. In true Jeff-Foxworthy fashion, you might be from a small town in Montana if...
1. Missing class to go hunting or fishing was an entirely acceptable excuse...for teachers and students alike.
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2. Your teacher taught you, your siblings and your parents.
3. Rodeo weekend is the biggest weekend in town.
4. Several of the guys in your school had a mullet at one time or another...or they still have one.
5. When people don't know where you are from, you explain it in terms of distance from Billings, Missoula, Helena, Bozeman, Great Falls, Kalispell, or Butte.
6. You become defensive when someone insults your hometown.
7. You know everyone in your graduating class, or entire school.
8. There is an older lady in your town that everyone knows and she makes really good pie.
9. Bonfires are a summer-must.
10. Getting a new kid at school was one of the most exciting events.
11. When going to the grocery store, you will see at least three people you know.
12. It is unsurprising to see a person riding a horse down the middle of main street.
13. There is a Mint Cafe/Bar in town.
14. Riding the bus to school built character.
15. You learned how to line dance or swing dance in gym class.
16. The elevation of your town exceeds the population.
17. You go on "vacation" to the big cities of Billings, Bozeman, or Missoula.
18. There is, possibly, only one stoplight in town.
19. In high school, the best week of the year was homecoming week.
20. Your vehicle had/has a gun rack.
21. You have known how to safely operate a firearm since the age of 9 or 10.
22. Rumors spread so fast that everyone knows something about you before you do.
23. People come up to you and say, "Oh! I haven't seen you since you were this high!" You have no idea who they are, but you continue to converse as if you do.
24. Your teacher mistakenly calls you by your older sibling's name, but most of the time you respond anyway.
25. You swam in an irrigation ditch.
26. A school dance was not complete until "The Watermelon Crawl" was played.
27. You cannot wait to get out.
28. But, you miss it as soon as you leave.
