Cleveland: The city that everyone loves to hate. We get shit for our city itself, for loving our sports teams, and for winning championships. We're judged before we ever get a word out, we love teams that weren't good for a long time, and we don't give a damn. We're the opposite of bandwagoners and we're proud. But there are some things that we are so sick and tired of saying and explaining (aka "defending") about our city and our culture. Here's 27 things Clevelanders are tired of saying:
1. "I know our river caught on fire"
Let it die. It's been 48 years. I know it was a royal screw up, but cut us some slack. I'm 21, I had nothing to do with that mess, so stop bringing it up to me.
2. "Actually, lake effect snow is a real thing"
PSA for all mid-southern Ohioans: Do not try to tell Clevelanders that our winters aren't that bad just because "We're in the same state, how could you guys really get that much more snow than down here?" Lake effect snow, that's how. It wouldn't have a legitimate name if it was something we made up.
In Columbus we once got a light dusting on the ground while my family in Cleveland got six inches. In March. It's real.
3. "Cleveland isn't shitty anymore"
There has been so much time and money put into that city and it has completely transformed from what it looked like a decade ago. If you haven't been to Cleveland within the last few years, don't knock it.
4. “I finish sentences in prepositions even though you're not supposed to"
I didn't even know that was incorrect grammar until I came to college and was made fun of for it. It's just how we were raised. if you don't give people who say "y'all" shit, don't give it to us.
5. "Shit"
*Sees pothole too close to miss*
*Winces as it demolishes your car*
6. “I hate driving in the winter because no one can drive in the snow"
I will give this one caveat: Cleveland drivers are much better at driving in the snow than anyone south of Cleveland.
But still, traffic slows to a standstill in the snow.
7. “I hate driving in the summer because construction is everywhere"
You can't drive a mile, in any direction, without seeing construction. As soon as you clear the first one-lane road, you meet another. Clevelanders always have to add some time to travel estimates to get to their destination on time.
8. "When did that building get there?”
A result of all the freakish construction is that buildings just go up in what seems like a second. Every time I go home to Cleveland there's something new that seems like it wasn't there two weeks prior.
9. "We almost never get snow days because of snow”
While southern Ohioans get a snow day because there was three inches and no one knew how to handle it, Cleveland rolls it's eyes. Our plow system is so efficient that we generally don't get a snow day unless it's below -15 degrees. The only way we do get an actual snow day is if the snow comes down too hard and fast too early in the morning for the plows to keep up.
10. “I don’t hear the Cleveland accent”
Sorry. I don't. I get it, I say "bowl" weird, but that's all I'll give you.
11. “Just because I live near Lake Erie doesn’t mean I have a boat”
Just like living in the south doesn't mean you have a horse.
12. “You’ve never heard of Cedar Point?!”
Come on, it's #1 in the world!
13. “No, Kings Island and Cedar Point are not equal”
Don't make this mistake. Especially if you've never been to Cedar Point. And sorry but a few measly coasters (all which rank about as great as the Magnum (maybe a mini-Millennium Force?) does not mean that Kings Island is on the same level as Cedar Point with all of it's mind-blowing coasters. Case closed.
14. “Yes, I’m a Cleveland sports fan”
People act like it's a plague. I can tell you exactly how most conversations go with someone who's not from Cleveland that I meet:
Them: Where are you from?
Me: Cleveland
Them: *immediate eyeroll of disgust*
Me:
Them: So I bet you're, like, obsessed with sports.
or
Them: Clevelanders are so mean about being fans of their teams. (Yet here I am having said nothing rude, just taking your grief for being born where I was).
15. “Yes, I do still like LeBron”
If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I liked LeBron or told me that it's bandwagoning that I still like LeBron, I'd be able to pay for floor seats to a Cavs game and actually meet him.
Yes, I still like LeBron. I never hated him, I hated how he left us. He apologized, he missed his home, and he gave us the greatest gift: A championship.
And it's definitely not bandwagoning. Clevelanders physically can't bandwagon. Evidence? We love the Browns.
16. “Just let the Cavs get their chemistry back”
I had to tell this to so many people in the beginning of the season the year we won it all. People are so quick to hate Cleveland that they'll never give us a chance, even when it's blatant that the team has gained a lot of new players and obviously needs some time to mesh together.
17. “Yes, the Cavs winning the championship was that big of a deal”
It was 52 years since the city won anything. Let us have that one.
(P.S. For all of those who tried to say we didn't deserve that win, and that Greene was unfairly suspended, please read up on flagrant fouls. It wasn't that one foul that got him kicked out for a game, it was all the flagrant fouls he committed in the playoffs. He gained his fourth flagrant foul point, which means that he got suspended for one game.)
We came back from a 3-1 game deficit; we earned it.
18. “The Indian’s will get it next year”
Yeah, I know we blew a 3-1 lead. So did the Warriors.
19. "I don't know what Slider is supposed to be"
I really couldn't tell you.
20. "No, it'll always be Jacob's Field"
Just because an insurance company put their name on it doesn't mean it changes it in the hearts of the fans.
21. "Is Michael Brantley playing?"
Frequently injured players: Cleveland's forte.
22. "I know the Browns aren't the best team in the NFL, you don't need to remind me"
PSA: You don't need to remind Cleveland fans that the Browns aren't #1. We're not blind or deaf. We watch the games and see the losses.This may come as a shock to you, but it's possible to just be a true fan who loves a team no matter what.
23. “Maybe next year”
24. “Maybe in my lifetime”25. “I’d be happy with a winning season”
That's all I can ask for at this point.
26. “Why are we using our draft pick on another quarterback?”
Every year we question this.
27. "We need another quarterback”
Yet, every year we need another quarterback.
Despite all of the hate we will always get, Clevelanders love their city no matter what.