While the average duck may mosey over to Starbucks on a bi-weekly basis to toss some pumpkin spice down their gullet, there are many alternative ways to celebrate the most wonderful season in the world. The eighty nine days, nineteen hours, and twenty three minutes of autumn are never enough. However, if you honor this crisp, chipmunk filled, spice infested season on a daily basis, you will be able to gain a new appreciation for the best season in the world. I have compiled a list of my personal favorite ways to celebrate the autumn season.
1. Cover yourself in molasses and roll in leaves
2. Dip all orifices in pumpkin spice on an hourly basis
3. Perform an annual leaf dance to honor the autumn spirits
4. Forgo all obligations to watch “Sleepy Hollow” on repeat until December
5. Make a leaf cocoon by taping autumn leaves to all of your walls
6. Or live outside among your fellow autumn loving rodents
7. Find out where your local neighborhood chipmunk hibernates and learn their hibernation schedule
8. If you're feeling brave, express your feelings to said chipmunk in hope that they will be requited
9. Listen to all of the music that was ever composed for Harry Potter for an hour and come out of your three day hibernation in a full autumnal daze
10. Repeat this process every single day from the end of August to the beginning of December
11. Remind yourself that AUTUMN IS THE BEST SEASON EVER AND THAT EVERYTHING ELSE SUCKS
12. Remain in denial about the existence of December
13. Signal your mating call so that all fellow rodents will flock to you
14. Accept their offerings and crown yourself tribe leader
15. Refuse to eat anything unless it has either pumpkin spice, chai, or ginger in it
16. And then proceed to watch all of your hair fall out
17. Refuse to do, think, or breathe anything that doesn’t have to do with autumn
18. Steal all of the chai tea from the dining hall and drink all of it in one sitting
19. Pass out from over-caffeination
20. Take nightly baths in apple cider
21. Celebrate Halloween over a two week time span
22. Make an homage to the spirits of autumn
23. Deny the existence of sleep so that you can be awake for the entirety of the autumn season
24. Go into mourning period around Thanksgiving
25. Take a three month refuge in Starbucks
26. Refuse to acknowledge the existence of any other season but autumn
27. Go into full fledged hibernation mode starting December first and ending when you finally hear the first crisp yellow autumn leaf hitting the grass in late August
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
