Stare at the page because let's face it, you aren't actually processing any of it.

Memorize the page. Know it inside and out. You just won't understand any of it.

Write. A lot. And then write some more.

Even if it's gibberish you've got a starting point and that's all that really matters right now. You can proofread it later. Although let's face it, you probably won't.

Don't cry. It will be OK!

I know it's frustrating but you'll finish it soon. Or you won't. In the end, does it even really matter?

Procrastinate your essay, because it's the only thing you know how to do. 

Take breaks, it's fine! You'll get it done. Eventually.

Make some food or get some food.

You've gotta eat some food to have the energy to write. Plus, that gives you more time to procrastinate. You shouldn't eat food and write at the same time. You would get crumbs in your keyboard.

Finish a page of writing before taking another break.

Look at you go. Only 9 more to go! On this essay, at least.

Cry because sometimes you just need a good cry of frustration. 

Yeah.... the whole 9 more to go is not very encouraging. You're tired. School sucks. But, catharsis is a real thing.

Take a nice long hot shower!

You'll feel better! Plus you'll be all clean, which is always nice! Maybe apply some lotion afterwards. Treat yourself a little.

Finish another page of writing and hope that your font size is wrong. 

You've only got 8 more to go! If only it was supposed to be 14 pt font instead of just 12 pt.

Research jobs that you don't need a degree for. 

If you drop out, it's okay to be a flight attendant and travel the world! That sounds much better, right?

Go back to homework because your dog won't eat it. 

You feel like you can't give up yet. It's just a paper. You've written hundreds before!

Hype yourself up because YOU'RE AMAZING. 

YOU CAN DO IT. YOU'RE GREAT AND BEAUTIFUL AND SO SMART.

Finish another two pages because YEAH. 

Look at you go! You're energized and ready to take on this paper.

Treat yourself because you need a break. 

Eat that ice cream and buy that shirt. TREAT YO SELF.

Cry again. Because papers are hard!

You've got a lot to write. School sucks. Why do papers exist? Why does it matter?

Nap on your laptop because you're tired and need to clear your mind.

You'll probably wake up with your keyboard imprinted on your face, but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Wake up refreshed and feeling ready to tackle anything.

You've got this! I believe in you. You can do anything you want.

Crank out the rest of your paper faster than you have ever done anything ever.

You're crushing it. You'll be done in no time at this point, right?

Realize it's 3 a.m. and you have to be up by 7 a.m. to make it to your 8 a.m. class tomorrow. 

And you probably need 7 hours of sleep to survive tomorrow, but mathematically you would have had to already been asleep for three hours.

Just go to bed and sleep. Four hours is better than three hours but that's only if you SLEEP RIGHT NOW. 

You either crash as soon as your head hits the pillow or spend the next two hours stressed about how much sleep you're going to get. But the thing is, no amount of sleep is going to be enough.

Wake up late for your class at 8 a.m., which doesn't really surprise you. 

You turned off your alarm and didn't snooze it. So it's now 7:40 a.m. and your class is across campus. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Sprint to class because you don't want to be that person that's super late.

You'll be a few minutes late but it's better than being 15 minutes late and having everyone question why you came in the first place.

Realize you forgot your notebook once you sit down in your seat. 

At least you have your laptop, which you probably aren't supposed to use during class. But you don't even remember what the syllabus said. It's probably fine, right?

Research jobs that you don't need a degree for again, but this time while you're in class.

You think you know what you want to do. But papers suck and you want to drop out. So, you need a backup plan. Personally, I have five.

Get a good grade on your paper.

Maybe college isn't so bad, because you're great at papers! You don't need to spend a lot of time on them. If you procrastinate on them it's not the end of the world, let's be real.

Repeat and take back everything you said last time you got a paper back. 

Papers do suck and you shouldn't procrastinate. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is C's get degrees!