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25 Thoughts I Had During Trump's Inauguration Speech

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Daisy Gray

Jan 23, 2017

William Marsh Rice University

25 Thoughts I Had During Trump's Inauguration Speech

Fusion

On Friday, January 20th, I slept in, avoided television, and spent the day reading Buzzfeed articles about Michelle Obama's fantastic (magnificent, really, best you've ever seen) side-eye. Despite the big thing that was happening in Washington, I figured it was best for my sanity to pretend it wasn't happening. However, I eventually caved and watched President Trump's inauguration speech, prepared to be impressed*. What follows is a collection of my thoughts that cropped up during the speech.

*A word here which means not impressed in the slightest.

1. Surprised he didn't open up with "and President ME."

2. He's definitely thinking it.

3. "Together we will determine the course of America..." See, that's exactly what we're afraid of.

4. Yes, please continue to exalt the will of the people, since you totally won the popular vote and all.

5. "Their triumphs have not been your triumphs." But like, they have? Taking steps to address climate change? Gay marriage? Addressed the war on drugs? Reduced unemployment? Who did these benefit, if not the American people?

6. "This is your day, this is your celebration."

7. "Please clap." -Trump, probably

8. Don't you dare talk about schools, or someone is going to set a grizzly on you.

9. At the very least, his fifth grade teacher would probably appreciate his deployment of simile.

10. I'm sure they would also wish that his rhetorical skills didn't end there, but hey, what can you do.

11. The American people...the citizens of America...the people...

12. Shhh.

13. This is a drinking game waiting to happen.

14. What do you think will happen on the next episode of The Bachelor?

15. Seriously, The Bachelor is more intellectually challenging.

16. The biggest lie from Trump's mouth thus far: "I will never, ever, let you down."

17. "What have I done???" -Paul Ryan, probably.

18. Can you build me a highway to get out of here?

19. Do you think he just has a jar full of buzzwords - radical Islamic terror, borders, America — that he’s randomly pulling from?

20. That sounds like a problem from my probability homework.

21. What’s the probability Trump says something I like?

22. Does he realize he just condemned a religion and claimed there was no room for prejudice in like, one breath?

23. This speech would be a very good rebuttal statement to everything he’s said on the campaign trail.

24. “You will never be ignored again” -Trump, and some guy on Tinder who won’t text you back.

25. Me too, Michelle. Me too.

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25 Thoughts I Had During Trump's Inauguration Speech

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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