For the past month, I’ve been trying to figure out what it is about mashed potatoes, pumpkin-flavored everything, and mediocre turkey crafts that gets people so fired up around this time of year.
Is it the way the gravy falls so delicately into the concave of mashed potatoes on your dinner plate?
Is it all the Instagram likes you’re bound to get on your first pumpkin spice latte pic of the season?
Is it the excuse to finally use an uncomfortable amount of brown construction paper?
(All wrong, I know. It’s probably just the pie.)
If you’re anything like me, you would probably just rather skip all the store-bought mashed potatoes, the #PSL’s, and the little cousin who insistson tracing your hand a million times until it finally looks like a turkey.
And you would probably rather just skip the three weeks that follow it, too.
Don’t worry, I’m on your side. Here’s what we can do in the meantime.
1. Brag about how you have all your Christmas shopping done already. Even if you don’t.
2. Put up your Christmas tree.
3. And don’t take it down until February.
4. Tell everyone at the Thanksgiving table how much better Christmas is.
5. Replace the pumpkin scented candle on the Thanksgiving table with a pine scented one.
6. Wait to see how long it takes for anyone to notice.
7. Sit at the kid’s table. I bet you they like Christmas more too.
8. Buy reindeer antlers and jingle bells for your dog (and/or cat).
9. Cry.
10. Play Christmas music. Lots of it.
11. Argue about when is “too soon” to start playing Christmas music (hint: never).
12. Buy candy canes and leave them in inconspicuous places.
13. Talk about how much you love the Michael Bublé Christmas album. Just like you do every other year.
14. Pray for snow. But only on Christmas Day.
15. Wear Christmas socks. Everywhere.
16. Point out your Christmas socks to everyone.
17. Tear down all your little cousin’s handprint turkey decorations and replace them with cotton ball snowmen.
18. Coerce your dad into wearing a Christmas-themed tie to Thanksgiving dinner.
19. Threaten to eat all the pie if he doesn’t.
20. Talk about how excited you already are for Christmas next year.
21. Hang up Christmas lights in your room.
22. If you’re a college student, hang up more Christmas lights in your room. You probably have cheap Christmas lights hanging up year-round anyway.
23. Wear ugly Christmas sweaters.
24. Go Christmas caroling in your own house. By yourself.
25. Buy a gin advent calendar. Just to get in the spirit.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong advocate for a good piece of pie and some even better company. But the color brown just won’t ever make me quite as happy as the colors red and green, and the turkey just won’t ever measure up to the circle pretzels with melted Hershey’s Hugs and an M&M in the center.
I don’t really believe in claiming that any one thing in this world is better than another, because it’s all in how you see things.
Except when it comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Christmas is definitely better.
