When you turn 25, nothing major happens. There is no confetti, there is no major life mile stone waiting for you. You’re 25. If you’re anything like me, it is another day in your life and you probably think about work the next day or a bill that needs to get paid. Life doesn’t stop. But, as I sit here thinking about this new quarter century mark of mine, here are 25 things that I think are important to know. Some of funny, some are sad, some are spiteful, and some are just me. You can thank me later…or not.

1. You can now rent a car and not be slammed with a young driver’s fee-but you probably still cannot afford to go anywhere.

2. Recovering from a hangover is starting to take longer and longer.

3. Rather than having 25 shots, do literally anything other than have 25 of any sort of alcoholic beverage.

4. 25 is the second best Adele album to 21, but you can’t really compare them because they have entirely different aesthetics.

5. You don’t get 25 candles on a cake. That is a lot of candles for no fucking reason.

6. You are formally in your mid-twenties. You aren’t in your early twenties or late twenties-you’re smack dab in the middle.

7. Everything probably hurts and you wonder where it comes from.

8. Your Mom and Dad shouldn’t be paying your bills or anything excessive. Sure, they can pick up the tab for lunch but they really shouldn’t be paying your rent.

9. The last girl/guy you talked to at the bar? She is there for a reason. Do better.

10. You are just going to be annoyed constantly by the youths of today-and yes you were equally as annoying.

11. Your friends from high school are either fat, ugly, fat and ugly, or married yet somehow you’re single. Just accept that its for the better.

12. Don’t think that means you’re better or worse than someone else though-that’s called cocky and its disgusting.

13. You’re going to be surrounded be higher quality friends-instead of 20 best friends you’re going to have less than 5.

14. Eating Taco Bell at 10 p.m. is still a good idea-but it won’t be the next day. Go for one less soft taco.

15. You’ve probably been heartbroken by someone. Believe me, you’re going to be fine.

16. Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend is still your ex for the reason you dumped them for.

17. Drunk messaging that boyfriend on any platform is never actually a good idea.

18. Taking your top off in a nightclub is no longer necessary-nor was it ever, actually.

19. Holding grudges is exhausting-but you can formally call it a hobby.

20. Get off Grindr, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Jack’d, Scruff, or whatever sick ‘dating’ app you have on your phone. No one there is looking for something you’re worthy off.

21. Read a fucking book. In this era of reality television, no one cares if you like Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

22. Naptimes are really fun-because being an adult is hard and sometimes you need a nap.

23. GO TO BED EARLY. Make fun of me if you want, but if I’m going to be up at 7 a.m. for that steady 9-5 you can best believe I’m in my bed no later than 9 p.m.

24. Keep your friends close, and your enemies further away. You don’t need to hear what they’re saying about you, because they’re probably subtweeting you anyway.

25.You’re going to be okay

You are turning/have turned 25, and the world is your oyster. Ladies, your ovaries have not dried up. Men, your man bun is looking pathetic. It is time we start growing up-and succeeding it. I refuse to let an age define what I am in life or what I’m worth.

Here’s to 25. 24 was sort of a bitch, it chewed me up, spit me out, then threw me in the trash.

But 25 has every single possibility to be a good year.

…After my nap.