Alright everyone, Halloween is over so MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Forgetting a holiday, you say? Oh no, I think not.
Thanksgiving, you say? Oh, you mean pre-Christmas.
Yes, it’s that wonderful time of the year again when we get to stuff our faces with unhealthy amounts of turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie, while we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for this year. It’s getting closer and closer to the day America knows as “Thanksgiving”, a day I like to refer to as “pre-Christmas”.
Why, you ask? Well, what a great question. Let me just share with you 25 little reasons why “pre-Christmas” is Thanksgiving’s much more accurate title.
1. It’s basically a Christmas dinner pre-game.
2. You amp up with turkey so you can go ham later on… pun most definitely intended.
3. The tree goes up at exactly 12:00 AM the day after Thanksgiving...
4. ... or it’s been up since August...
5. … or it’s been up year-round, who are we trying to kid?
6. A solid 50% of the excitement of Thanksgiving lies in the knowledge that Christmas is only a month away.
7. When people refer to “the holidays”, it includes Thanksgiving but let’s be real, everyone knows which one we’re really talking about here.
8. Which one does every Walmart aisle endorse starting in like, September? That’s all I’m saying.
9. Have you ever heard someone legitimately say they enjoy Thanksgiving MORE than Christmas?
10. It’s about eating food and being thankful for something… hmm sounds familiar.
11. It’s a time when families travel great lengths to be together again… now what’s that other holiday I’m thinking of?
12. It’s a day that allows for an extended amount of time off of school… is this ringing a bell for anyone else? (again, pun absolutely intended)
13. Okay, but which Charlie Brown film is hands down most meaningful and heart-warming?
14. Just a reminder, orange (traditional Thanksgiving color) is also conveniently before red (traditional Christmas color) on the color wheel and we all know which one everyone likes more.
15. If family members don’t show up for Thanksgiving, it’s not a huge deal…
16. ... but if they’re not there for Christmas, everyone goes bonkers.
17. There’s a small chance you MIGHT decorate for Thanksgiving IF you feel the inclination, but if you don’t decorate for Christmas there is something seriously wrong.
18. Calling Thanksgiving “pre-Christmas” allows for more time for guilt-free Christmas shopping, aka focusing on the REAL holiday here.
19. Thanksgiving is like the awkward cousin whose birthday everyone is obligated to celebrate but can only get through by consuming copious amounts of food and alcohol. Christmas is like the cool cousin everyone likes whose birthday party is always the highlight of the year.
20. I mean, sure the food is good and going around the table saying what everyone’s thankful for is nice to hear, but what’s left of Thanksgiving besides that?
21. Come on now guys, Thanksgiving celebrates the Pilgrims being thankful for the Native Americans helping provide for them in ONE colony… while settlers were performing mass slaughter everywhere else.
22. In extreme contrast, Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus. Christmas literally gave us the Savior of the world. ‘Nuff said.
23. On a happier note, let’s be honest here. Come Thanksgiving morning, you’ll be in the kitchen blasting Christmas music...
24. … because there are no “Thanksgiving” songs...
25. … because it’s just a pre-Christmas.
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