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25 Questions I Have For The University Of Wisconsin

This one's for you, Chancellor Blank.

Ilyssa Frank

Jan 29, 2017

Madison, WI

25 Questions I Have For The University Of Wisconsin

Town News

I think anyone who has ever visited can agree that the University of Wisconsin really is an extraordinary place. As much as I love this place, there's been some questions that have come up in the last four years that I really need some answers to. So if you're reading this, Chancellor Blank, this one's for you.

1. Why are the stairs up to Bascom uncentered?

2. Why are there two elevator shafts, but only one elevator in the journalism school?

3. Do you actually get free tuition if you get hit by a bus?

4. How many calories do we actually burn by walking up Bascom?

5. Speaking of Bascom, is it totally out of the question to build an escalator up the hill?

6. What would it actually take for classes to be canceled? At least 10 feet of snow?

7. Will the construction at the terrace ever end or no?

8. What would it take to rebuild the journalism school?

9. Why do you call a minor a certificate?

10. Why are we the only school in this country that uses a different grading scale? Seriously, what is an "AB"?

11. Why can't all classes be on one website? What is the purpose of having "Canvas," "Learn@UW" and "Desire to Learn?

12. Who IS allowed to drive on State Street?

13. Why is Camp Randall so far away?

14. Why do the doctors at UHS always make me feel like I'm dying?

15. Is it really necessary to have football and basketball tickets go on sale at 8 a.m.?

16. How many people can actually fit on the 80 bus?

17. Who started the whole rubbing Abe's foot for good luck tradition?

18. Why do finals start on a Saturday and go until Christmas Eve Eve?

19. Why is food allowed in College Library, but not Memorial?

20. Why do you have to show a student ID to get into Memorial, but not College?

21. What is the logic behind the angled desks in class? Everything just falls!

22. How many bars are actually on this campus?

23. How many Bucky costumes are there?

24. What do I have to do to never graduate?

25. How could someone possibly think their school is better than Wisconsin?

And finally, one question I will NEVER have, "Why Wisconsin?"

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25 Questions I Have For The University Of Wisconsin

This one's for you, Chancellor Blank.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!