Demetri Martin is a stand-up comedian who specializes in one-liners and strange observations of the world around him. Here are a few of his jokes that we think will tickle your funny bone:

1. "I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."

It's all fun and games until you realize the rimer ran out and they're still "acting."

2. "Pets are animals that are not delicious."

These don't taste good, so instead we'll give them sweaters and names.

3. "I find that athletic clothes are perfect for just sitting around in."

Most people don't break a sweat in sweatpants.

4. "I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better."

Hey, where'd that rabbit come from?

5. "A musical is the same as a burlap sack; I wouldn't want to be in either."

They're not as different as they may seem!

6. "I used to participate in sports a lot, but then I realized you can just buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything!"

Squash? Yeah, I'm a 4-time regional champ.

7. "I think they named oranges before they named carrots."

What should we call this round orange thing? "How about an orange?"Okay! And what about this pointy orange thing? "Shit."

8. "I don't like thank you cards because I never know what else to say."

On the inside of the card I usually just write "see front".

9."If I owned a bookstore, I'd make the mystery section really hard to find."

Going to Barnes & Noble just got a lot more interesting.

10. "I wonder what a walrus vampire would look like."

Probably just a regular walrus.

11. "You can say mind your own business or mind your own beeswax, but that's really the only time you can interchange the two."

Sorry honey, I'll be home late today. I have a very important beeswax meeting.

12. "A calzone is a food that shows you what you'll look like if you keep eating it."

A little puffy and full of cheese.

13. "I lost my fog machine because I left it running."

I tried reaching for it in the fog, but I must've mist.

14. "I've learned that there is a fine line between killing a fly and applauding a fly."

To a fly, you missing just sounds like encouragement.

15. "Hey man, can I have, like, 2 tic-tacs?""Sure here you go...1...11...FUCK!"

"Hey do you want some back?" No, I don't want them anymore.

16. "The treehouse is really insensitive. That's like killing something and then making one of its friends hold it."

Why wood you do that?

17. "Cotton balls are an example of something I would buy but hate to have as a nickname."

Cinnamon buns, on the other hand...

18. "I have an L-shaped sofa. Lowercase."

Fancy living, here we come!

19. "One place I would not want to be chased is Kenya."

Can't run very fast, Kenya?

20. "I don't know how to do magic, but I did turn a yoga mat into just a mat."

This joke reeks of broken New Year's resolutions.

21. "I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick birthday candles."

"Alright guys, fire is out. Let's go home!" *all the candles re-light* "Oh, no."

22. "I like digital cameras because they allow you to reminisce immediately."

"Aww, look how cute we were about 2 minutes ago!"

23. "Souvenirs are weird. It's like buying someone a gift to remind them that they weren't able to go on the trip."

Here's a mini Eiffel Tower to remind you of when I went to Paris and you didn't. Enjoy!

24. "I've found that there is a small but important difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool."

Location, location, location.

25. "The only time it's okay to throw a hamster is out of a burning building."

*throws hamster* "LIVE!!"