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25 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Sigh So Hard You'll Laugh

The most 'cringy' dad jokes you can't help but laugh at.

Sarah Kotlan

Aug 29, 2017

University of Wisconsin Milwaukee

1155

25 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Sigh So Hard You'll Laugh

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1. I’m reading this book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.

– Niceonedad.com

2. I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the streets.

- Niceonedad.com

3. I bought shoes from a dealer one day. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

- Niceonedad.com

4. What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1

– treehut.co

5. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

- Niceonedad.com

6. “I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later. Call me dad

- Niceonedad.com

7. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing

-Niceonedad.com

8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

- Niceonedad.com

9. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

- Niceonedad.com

10. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple days off.

– treehut.co

11. I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

- Niceonedad.com

12. Why can’t you have a nose that is twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

- Niceonedad.com

13. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

- pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php

14. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind I shouldn’t spread it.

– treehut.co

15. A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father. “Well son now that you’ve got a kid of your own I think it’s time to give you this.” “Dad you don’t mean—“ “Yes son I do.” Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition. “Dad I’m honored…,” he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. “Hi honored,” Replies his father. “I’m dad.”

– treehut.co

16. My doctor said I have Type A blood, but it was a type O.

– ranker.com

17. If a child refuses to take a nap is he resisting a rest?

– treehut.co

18. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

– treehut.co

19. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

- Niceonedad.com

20. You know how birds fly in a V formation and often times one side of the V is longer than the other – Do you know why that is? There are more birds on that side.

- funsubstance.com

21. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

- funsubstance.com

22. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don't worry, he woke up.

- laffgaff.com

23. I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there’s no point Russian into things.

– ranker.com

24. I’m afraid for the calendar. It’s days are numbered

– ranker.com

25. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bi-son.

– ranker.com

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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25 Beatles Lyrics: Your Go-To Guide for Every Situation

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

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For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

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college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

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Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

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25 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Sigh So Hard You'll Laugh

The most 'cringy' dad jokes you can't help but laugh at.

1. I’m reading this book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.

2. I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the streets.

3. I bought shoes from a dealer one day. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

4. What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1

5. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

6. “I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later. Call me dad

7. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing

8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

9. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

10. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple days off.

11. I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

12. Why can’t you have a nose that is twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

13. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

14. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind I shouldn’t spread it.

16. My doctor said I have Type A blood, but it was a type O.

17. If a child refuses to take a nap is he resisting a rest?

18. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

19. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

20. You know how birds fly in a V formation and often times one side of the V is longer than the other – Do you know why that is? There are more birds on that side.

21. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

22. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don't worry, he woke up.

23. I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there’s no point Russian into things.

24. I’m afraid for the calendar. It’s days are numbered

25. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bi-son.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

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