1. I’m reading this book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
– Niceonedad.com
2. I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the streets.
- Niceonedad.com
3. I bought shoes from a dealer one day. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.
- Niceonedad.com
4. What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1
– treehut.co
5. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
- Niceonedad.com
6. “I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later. Call me dad
- Niceonedad.com
7. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing
-Niceonedad.com
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Niceonedad.com
9. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- Niceonedad.com
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10. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple days off.
– treehut.co
11. I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.
- Niceonedad.com
12. Why can’t you have a nose that is twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Niceonedad.com
13. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php
14. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind I shouldn’t spread it.
– treehut.co
15. A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father. “Well son now that you’ve got a kid of your own I think it’s time to give you this.” “Dad you don’t mean—“ “Yes son I do.” *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition.* “Dad I’m honored…,” he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. “Hi honored,” Replies his father. “I’m dad.”
– treehut.co
16. My doctor said I have Type A blood, but it was a type O.
– ranker.com
17. If a child refuses to take a nap is he resisting a rest?
– treehut.co
18. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
– treehut.co
19. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- Niceonedad.com
20. You know how birds fly in a V formation and often times one side of the V is longer than the other – Do you know why that is? There are more birds on that side.
- funsubstance.com
21. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
- funsubstance.com
22. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don't worry, he woke up.
- laffgaff.com
23. I was thinking about moving to Moscow, but there’s no point Russian into things.
– ranker.com
24. I’m afraid for the calendar. It’s days are numbered
– ranker.com
25. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bi-son.
– ranker.com
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
