During the time of the year when many hard-working high school seniors are bombarded with letters and "personalized" advertisements from universities across the nation, it seems natural, and even logical, to help those students who are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to attend college to eliminate one of the myriad of universities pining for their application. To make the application process easier, let's get this out of the way: no one should ever, in a million years, ever consider attending Stillwater's very own Oklahoma State University. Here's why:
1. The campus is hideous.
2. There is no greenery.
3. I mean no greenery, anywhere.
4. We don't experience seasons.
5. The sky is so full of redneck exhaust that you can never see the sunset.
6. There is no school spirit, not even an ounce.
Ever heard of America's Greatest Homecoming Celebration?
7. Orange is an ugly color.
8. The football team sucks.
Yeah, right.
9. No one even gets involved with the games.
10. Pistol Pete is creepy and definitely not good around children.
11. There's not even anything to do in Stillwater.
Live music, a variety of restaurants, bookstores, rollerblading, bowling, movies, coffee shops, Boomer Lake, a humane society that allows you to play with the dogs for free...yep, nothing to do.
12. Stillwater isn't known for any of its food.
13. Nope, none of its food.
15. The students are SO rude.
Definitely do not expect a friendly greeting or smile in passing; these actions are strictly prohibited.
16. The professors do not care about your success.
17. There are absolutely no resources for academic success.
18. They're all just unhealthy Southerners, anyway.
20. The food offered on campus is low quality and only appeals to a certain group of people.
21. The library is tiny and *not* open 24 hours.
22. There are no perks during finals week. The staff is actually trying to kill you.
23. There are no campus organizations.
24. And there definitely aren't things to do on campus.
In conclusion: if I were trying to get you to attend Oklahoma State, I would end with a classic, "Go Pokes!" But what even is a poke? And why would you want to attend such a beautiful, diverse, spirited campus with so many opportunities?
