It's the start of another year, which means it's time to start fresh (in theory). At the end of December, we all begin making New Year's Resolutions in hopes that the upcoming year will be better than the last. By February, most of those resolutions are already forgotten or ignored. Here's a list of some things you may like to change about yourself and your life, and the more realistic outcomes of what to expect.
1. Stop cursing.
(Well, maybe stop peppering your sentences with "fucking" as your only adjective.)
2. Eat healthy food.
(Buy an apple once every few months.)
3. Work out more.
(Join a gym, go a few times, and then continue to pay the membership because you're too lazy to cancel it.)
4. Drink less alcohol.
(Maybe just stop drinking on Mondays till April.)
5. Do some traveling.
(Eat at a couple restaurants about 4 miles from your usual radius.)
6. Take risks.
(Say hi to your attractive co worker, blush, and then hide from them for six months.)
7. Get dressed up more often.
(Literally do this once and realize that fashion is uncomfortable and leggings and sweatpants are your best friends.)
8. Make new friends.
(Make absolutely no new friends, and continue to judge strangers with your old friends.)
9. Lose weight.
(Go on a diet for two days, and then celebrate with pudding, ice cream, some Hershey's kisses, and a full cake.)
10. Spend less, save more.
(Put $25 dollars in your savings account and then spend the rest of your money on those new shoes you don't need.)
11. Spend more time with your loved ones.
(Get laughed at by your boss when you ask for a day off.)
12. Get organized.
(Buy an overly expensive planner, write in it through January, and then let it gather dust for the rest of the year.)
13. Spend less time on your phone.
(Realize that your hand feels weird without the comforting weight and pick it back up 20 seconds later.)
14. Spend less time on social media.
(Post your resolution to spend less time on social media on Facebook and Twitter.)
15. Get a new job.
(Post your resume on Indeed.com, realize the hiring system is broken, and then spend weeks deleting form rejection letters from your email.)
16. Get out of debt.
(Cry yourself to sleep at night thinking about your college loans.)
17. Stop procrastinating.
(Start on a project, and immediately hear the sweet sound of Netflix calling your name.)
18. Learn a new language.
(Rosetta Stone costs how much?)
19. Get more sleep.
(Shut the lights off earlier and still be wide awake at 3am surfing the internet.)
20. Get rid of old clothes.
(But not that shirt. You might wear that someday.)
21. Run a marathon.
(Watch a rerun marathon on TV.)
22. Make the most out of life.
(Try to figure out what that vague statement even means.
23. Go skydiving / bungie jumping / parasailing.
(Chicken out at the last minute and tell your friends it was because you got the stomach flu. Conveniently never reschedule.)
24. Give up making New Years Resolutions.
(Get jealous of your friends posting theirs, and decide to make one just one more time.)
