My pawpaw has lived with my mom and me for a few years now. Within that time, we discovered he was suffering from vascular dementia. Vascular dementia is caused by an impaired supply of blood to the brain, frequently caused by multiple small strokes. There are good days and bad, but the bad has just begun for my pawpaw. It's extremely difficult to see the strongest man I know lose a little bit more of his mind every day.
I'm writing this to bring awareness. I'm writing because I don't think people 100% understand what caregivers or even dementia patients go through on a daily basis. Keep in mind, this is a timeline of one of the worst days. I'm going to walk you through 24 hours, starting Saturday morning, ending Sunday morning.
11:00AM Saturday- His mind is okay. His sentences are put together. He tells me good morning and asks how statistics class is going.
1:00PM- He tells me he wants to go get his hair cut soon, he puts on his fancy shoes with his dress pants and a button-down shirt. Oh, and he never forgets his watch. He's excited for the day and ready to eat his breakfast.
3:00PM- I walk into the living room to find him asleep in his chair. This is the first sign, he'll sleep for hours. When he wakes up, he isn't the same. I hope he's just taking a nap.
5:00PM- He goes to the bathroom. My mom and I pray he doesn't hurt himself while we wait by the door. We hear things fall off the sink, and his body hit the hard ground. We try to lift him up, but we're unable. We call his brother, he can't help him either. Finally, we call my mom's brother. He lifts him into the wheelchair while his pants are at his knees.
6:00PM- My mom and I sit him down and beg him to get physical therapy, or go to assisted living. We explain that he would only be there until he gets stronger, but who knows how long that will take.
8:00PM- I go into the kitchen to get a drink. On my way there, I pass pawpaw in the living room. He has his pants to his ankles and he is face first on the couch. He's trying to get himself up, but he can't. My mom and I try to convince him that we can lift him up, but he's scared that we will get hurt trying to lift him.
9:00PM- He is still on the floor. The strongest man I've ever known is lying on the floor, basically naked, unable to get up. How did this happen? How did he decline so fast? Finally, we lift him up to the couch. He's exhausted and can barely keep his eyes open. Our hearts are breaking.
11:00PM- Pawpaw is ready to go to bed. I wheel him into his bedroom and get him ready for bed. This is something I've done every night for the past three years, and I wouldn't change a thing. I give him his medicine, take his shoes and socks off. He finds all of his inner strength to get into bed. You can tell that when he lays down and closes his eyes, he's finally at rest. He tells me, "I hope to see you and your mom in the morning." I always say, "you will." He always chuckles and reminds me that one day, he won't.
Throughout the night- My mom hasn't slept for three years. She's constantly waking up in the middle of the night for different reasons. When pawpaw goes to the bathroom, she wakes up. When he turns his lamp on in the middle of the night, she wakes up. When he's yelling for a towel at 5AM, she wakes up.
9:00AM Sunday- Pawpaw's awake and I wake up to the smell of my mom frying bacon. He's reading the Sunday paper, and excited for his brothers to come visit.
10:00AM- We spend the morning catching up on my school work, life, his doctor's appointments. I live at my university now, so I don't get to see him as much. This is our time to reconnect.
11:00AM- His brother has come and gone, but so has pawpaw. By this time, pawpaw is talking out of his head. He's lying in his recliner and he's talking gibberish, we can't understand what he's saying. Is he dreaming? Is he sleep-talking? No. This is his mind now. This is who he is now.
I understand that a lot of dementia patients are worse off than my pawpaw. But slowly but surely, he's getting there. He's forgetting his sisters, and people he used to know. He doesn't know what day or time it is. He doesn't read his books anymore or watch his favorites movies. But no matter what he does or does not remember and no matter how old I get, I will always be his little girl.
