I may not live with little kids full time, but it's hard to miss them when they're there. Living with little kids is tough. You're taking care of another human being all day. They're grumpy, hyper and loud, especially in the middle of the grocery store. If you live with little kids, you'll understand everything.
1. It's loud, and when it's quiet, be scared.
There's loud screaming one moment, and complete silence the next. They're probably scheming on how to destroy the house from the floor up.
2. There is toothpaste EVERYWHERE.
You can stand there the whole time they brush their teeth, then you'll blink and there's toothpaste down their faces, clothes and in the sink you just cleaned yesterday.
3. "Why are there ________ in my purse?"
I find the weirdest things in my purse, from little dog erasers to socks.
4. You've decided to never go barefoot ever again.
Even in the middle of the night when you get up to run to the bathroom, you throw on some flip flops because your feet are Lego and stray food magnets.
5. You have to lock every door behind you.
I can't even change my clothes without a 7-year-old running in and screaming, "WHERE ARE THE PRETZELS?"
6. Everyone in the house has a different nick name.
"Where's Peanut?"
"Bub it's time to pick your stuff up."
"Time for a bath, Bean."
7. The oh-so-famous, "I'm full," and then, "Can I have a snack?"
If you're full, you don't need a snack. That's definitely not how it works. At least be subtle. Ask in 20 minutes.
8. You might just blow someone's ear drum.
Yes, I have screamed for everyone to get in the car multiple times. Why is there a little human being on the couch watching "Sofia the First?" I have no clue.
9. You repeat everything you say at least twice.
"Will you take this to the bathroom?"
"Yes. Wait where?"
"The bathroom. No, the other bathroom honey."
10. What's sleeping in past 8:30 a.m?
I mean, I could sleep in. But I'm afraid you might set the house on fire.
11. You're always a genius when it comes to long trips in the car.
Anytime you're in the car longer than five minutes, you start to hear the math problems.
"WHAT'S 1,000 PLUS 1,000?"
12. You could start belting out every opening theme song to any kid show ever.
You're just lying if the "Daniel Tiger's Neighbor" isn't stuck in your head, even after six weeks of not watching it.
13. "I can't find it."
Oh really? Have you turned around and maybe looked on the floor right there? Right where I'm pointing? In front of your face?
14. They like something one day and hate it the next day.
"I hate peas!" We had them for dinner last night, child. I wish you had a love hate relationship with chocolate milk. Your bones will be too strong one day.
15. You sleep on the couch or you suffer through the night.
Sleeping with a kid in your bed is like sleeping with a contortionist. "What is touching my face? Oh my gosh, why is your foot up here?"
16. You're a sucker for "Will you cuddle with me?"
Of course you little space heater, I would love to cuddle with you.
17. You gasp anytime they do something dangerous.
They're fine though. They could jump off a building land face first, get up and laugh.
18. There are crayons, colored pencils and pens anywhere there's space for them.
They swear they put them away, but I'm pretty sure we could supply an army with pens from under the couch cushions.
19. They're jokes don't make any sense, but you try to laugh.
"What did the snake say to the other snake?"
"I don't know. What?"
"Ssssssssssss."
Oh man. That's a good one.
20. You get hugs every time you leave the house.
They need a big hug before you leave for work or just go to the car to get the groceries. It makes you feel kind of special.
21. They try to sing songs, but they just get the words wrong.
"I don't like this song because I'm really not a tiger."
"No, baby. It's the 'Eye of the Tiger.' Not 'I am a Tiger.'"
22. It's never bed time.
"It can't be bed time, it's still light out."
And my personal favorite...
23. "I LOVE YOU."
You hear, "I love you," so many times a day. You hand them a yogurt. They love you. You color with them. They love you. You watch the "Scooby-Doo" movie again for the thousandth time and they totally love you more than anyone else ever.
Living with kids isn't always easy. They make you wanna rip your hair out. And maybe you may think about locking yourself in your bed room and sound proofing the walls just a few times. But it really is worth it when you're laying down and they want a kiss on the nose, or they tell you about what they dreamt about last night, or when you're in the car having a 30-second dance party.
Kids may be a lot to handle, but it's amazing to see them grow. One day they'll be taller than you and will never tell you that their teeth are wiggly ever again. Cherish their moments. Even the not-so-good ones.
