I know the title alone may already be boring to anyone over the age of 16 and sound pretentious AF, but I’ll just get right to it. I have never been a huge fan of alcohol. There were points in my life where I did drink, but it was only for the pure fact that it made me feel more mature. The first time I ever got drunk I puked on my own leg, fell asleep on my friend's garage floor and woke up feeling like absolute shit the next day. After that, I did drink for a couple of years casually and when I had broken up with my first boyfriend I went into a spiral of drinking every night of the week for almost two months. After puking in the hallway at my parent's house at 3 am, I decided I had had enough. I even met my boyfriend around that time (who didn’t drink) and that only reinforced my decision to swear off all alcohol for good. I haven’t had a drink now for a little over two years and even though I never got to experience the rush of buying a drink from a bar for the first time legally, I still know what it’s like to be drunk. However, I choose not to be. Here are some of my personal reasons why, and what it is like to be 23 and living with the decision to be sober:

1. People are constantly pressuring you into drinking.

And don’t think you can change my mind, because I will always say no. Mostly because I seriously can not handle more than two drinks, and don’t give me any of that “You just haven’t built up a tolerance!” crap. I am a light weight, and I accept this. Do not try to tell me different, when I already know about my body’s constant instinct to puke because I know that if I have these two drinks you will have to clean up my stomach vile. So let’s just save both of us the hassle of dealing with that and get me a ginger ale.

2. Just because I don’t drink doesn’t mean I don’t have fun.

I have friends who drink. I even have friends who drink wine with my mom (weird but whatever). Just because I decide to have a sprite does not mean I am going to dictate anyone and preach to those who want to drink, the ways of being sober. I do not want to take away from anyone’s good time just because I decide to not drink.

3. The comments:

A) “hahaha OMFG you look so hungover, someone must have had a good time last night!” comment.

Actually, no. I am not hungover. I just didn’t sleep because I was binge watching episodes of Stephen Universe and eating Twizzlers until 3 am, but yeah sure, I’m hungover. Whatever.

B) Or the “What’s in that water bottle ;)??” comment.

It’s fucking water.

4. I could drink if I wanted to.

I don’t identify as being purely straight edge because every now and then I don’t want to have to explain why I don’t drink when offered wine. I’ll accept, have a few sips, and just wish I had a can of Arizona around.

5. Ok, but like, beer is actually really fucking gross.

I don’t want to offend anyone’s taste, but I’m sorry. Don’t tell me beer tastes good, because it tastes like the bitter tears I shed while trying to drink it. I don’t need you, in your Balance and Composure shirt, telling me my taste buds are not “advanced”. I want a drink to quench my thirst, not to go on an epic taste adventure filled with all sorts of “fruity” and “nutty” notes. My attitude will stay bitter toward beer. Just as bitter as that PBR you’re drinking.

6. Parents, and actually every other person ever, WILL NEVER BELIEVE THAT YOU DON’T DRINK.

Just because I am in my early twenties, every person seems to think that means I like to “turn up” every night. I have never even ordered a drink from a bar for myself. I went to the casino with my parents a few months ago and my mom asked me to get a drink from the bar for her, and I was like, “How do I do this?” It’s also a pain in the ass when I am out and a guy comes up and says “Can I buy you a drink?” and I’m all “Uhh…can you just give me that 8 dollars? Or maybe pay my phone bill?” What is also super annoying, is when you are around older adults who drink and they are telling you that you should drink. I’m sorry, you are an overweight, 45-year-old man, wearing a Larry the Cable Guy shirt. Why should I listen to you?

7. It causes me wayyyy too much anxiety.

I can’t even take a new medication without thinking I am going to die from the side effects. So naturally, whenever I have an alcohol drink in my hand, I am googling whether or not vodka can cause a stroke. Can I drink if I am on birth control? What about if I took Advil? Can’t I die from that combination? and ohHHH MY GOD WHAT IF THIS MIXED DRINK HAS PINEAPPLE IN IT!?!? (Disclaimer: I am severely allergic to pineapples) So yeah, please stay away from me with your piña colada, unless you are willing to console my panic-stricken self later.

8. Good news: My skins will look so good when I’m old.

No wrinkles, no problems. Also, healthy organs, and lovely hair!

9. It’s generally assumed that I will always be the DD.

…and I do not mind at all. Just give me your keys, and go have a good time. Just don’t get mad at me when I tell you it is 4 in the morning and we have to leave. You look terrible, and you really need a shower at this point anyway, so I’m saving you.

negatively affect people and I just don’t feel it is a necessary part of my life. I sometimes wish that I could go out to bars, order a drink and enjoy the buzz without freaking out, but in all honesty, I am perfectly content with my chocolate milk. I would rather be sober than have a panic attack about there possibly being pineapple in my drink. My decision not to drink is mine, not yours. However, if you are a drinker, and you find yourself bent over a toilet regretting everything you've ever done, I'll be there for you.