Once I heard a quote which stated :
“In a world with many twists and endeavors, your imagination and goals will determine your stability, without it there's chaos and uncertainty.”
I was never sure who originally said it but when I heard it, I became overwhelmed with emotion. Your first response may be "why?", but my thoughts exact were "why not?"! This quote explained my life with only 22 words. It completed every question I had ever asked. It became everything I wanted to live by. They say one of the hardest stages in life is being an adolescent and like many people I can agree with that.
Growing up I wouldn't necessary say it was hard fitting in because I was a very accepted person due to my diverse personality. However, personally I struggled with identifying myself. I often didn't understand myself and struggled to cope with everyday situations. Something simple as walking and riding the bus to school became a series of why and what Ifs. Often I would find my mind racing as thoughts, plots and ideas went flying through my head. Most of the time I could never put my thoughts together , but I knew some how they all belonged together to create something bigger. During this time I would purposely disinclude myself in many “normal” kids activities. I was always scared that I would say something that wouldn't make any sense to people at all. I found myself constantly censoring my true creative thinking to be able to appear as the rest of my peers.
Most of the time I would seem really happy. Infact If you were to meet me then you would say I was a constant ball of fun to be around, but on the inside there was another side to me screaming to get out. It almost felt like twins trying to get back to one another because they felt each other's pain. I felt as if something was always missing. So I constantly went searching for something to complete me. I tried various sports like volleyball, which only lasted a semester before i kicked it to the curve. I tried drama but then discovered i have a bit of stage fright. And the list just continues. At this point I felt as if I didn't even belong on the earth. I didn't have any special skills. I sucked in all my courses. Pretty much a C student for a long time. But one thing that never failed me was my imagination. I could sit for hours drawing and creating the craziest stories and characters. I spent days in my room recreating my clothes into different styles. Painting my walls with various color schemes. And then it dawned on me one day while I was sitting in my english literature class listening to my teacher reading to kill a mockingbird. I'm an artist. Point. Blank. Period.
I spent a long time comparing myself to many other students, becoming apart of things I could care less about. I focused on all the things I fell short of and all the things I thought was wrong with me, to the point I couldn't see the amazing gifts I did have. Which was my creative imagination and love for art. I couldn't see myself fitting in anywhere because I could never identify myself with only one thing . I seen the art in everything. I admired the sounds of R&B but loved the simplicity of Rock N Roll. I loved the beauty of disney movies but I had an infatuation with the comedy of nickelodeon shows. I loved the thought of creating something from just a thought. I loved to hang out with the popular kids because their personalities intrigued me , but I loved the crowd of geeks no one talked to because there loyalty and passion excited me.
You're probably thinking what the hell does any of this have to do with the quote in the beginning. But I am the quote, every day, every second, every moment. Even though I may not understand many endeavours I come across and all the twist and turns life sends me in, my imagination and goal to unravel my inner potential has always been my stability throughout life, and when I couldn't see it for myself it caused chaos and uncertainty within myself, I hated what I couldn't quite understand.
Now you're probably thinking well what was the point of this article? Well it was just a thought I felt the need to say or Just a reminder that life is yours for the taking , what will you do to grasp your stability ?
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