Everyone reaches that certain birthday where they feel like they should have it all together -- you feel like you should have a significant other, a degree, a house, a full-time job, etc. Well, for some odd reason my "certain birthday" just so happens to be my twenty-second, and I don't have half the things I wish I did at this age, and I've got a few things to say about it.
1. What the hell does Taylor Swift mean when she says she's feeling "22?"
I don't feel 22, I feel 80 -- I go to bed at 9:00 pm, wake up at 4:30 am, my back always hurts, and my hips pop. Please explain to me how a 22 year old should feel, because I'm lackin' somewhere.
2. How are eighteen year olds getting engaged when I can't even get a right swipe on Tinder?
I give my swipes some serious consideration, so someone tell me how I'm not married, living in a house on the beach yet, but the girl that was a freshman when I graduated high school is planning a wedding with her second baby on the way?
3. At what age does it become appropriate to say "when I was your age?"
Seriously, I feel like an old woman talking about her glory days.
4. You can't make me stop watching Disney movies.
Nope. No way, no how. I know every single word to every song from The Little Mermaid, and that is something I can't turn my back on, no matter what age.
5. The questions about having a significant other will only become more common.
No, grandma, I don't have a boyfriend now, and I probably won't have one when I'm 40. I'll keep you updated though.
6. I'm never going to graduate college.
WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO END?! I am so tired of school. I'm going to be here forever. I'll be a student until I'm dead.
7. How am I this far in debt already?
Student loans, car loans, credit cards, oh my!
8. I wonder how many days I can go without washing my hair.
17 year old me would cringe at how much dry shampoo I use in a week. I have no one to impress and my hair looks like I showered this morning.
9. Dating someone younger is all fun and games...
....until they're obligated to be your designated driver, or they get their fake ID taken away trying to get in the bar.
10. Is it still acceptable to play the question game when getting to know a boy of interest?
Is that even a thing anymore??? Am I a child if I suggest it? This is why I don't have a boyfriend..
11. I didn't sign up to be an adult.
I mean, I kind of did when I got a full time job, a part time job, bought a car, and agreed to go to school. But still. This is bull.
12. I need to get my priorities in order.
But honestly, I'll probably end up taking a nap and watching Netflix while I cry about how stressed out I am.
13. I don't need someone else to make me happy.
I've had numerous failed relationships, and it's taken me years to realize that I don't need a boyfriend, or a significant other, or a "partner" to make myself happy. Anything that a man can give me, I can give myself.
14. I really do appreciate my parents.
For 22 years, they've put a roof over my head, food in my mouth, and clothes on my back, and they've given me everything they possibly could in life, which is more than I could have ever wanted.
15. My friends are pretty great.
They've been there on drunken nights, and when my heart's been broken, and they really know how to be there when I need them.
16. WHY did I waste so much of my life on immature guys?
Guys who lied to me, played me, and continuously flaunt their new girlfriends in my face -- you were all a giant waste of time, and I thank you for teaching me what I don't want.
17. Alcohol solves most problems.
Okay, not really, but when you've had a bad day you just need a beer or seven.
18. Is stripping still an option?
But really, I'm tired of working three jobs and going to school to afford my car payment when strippers are buying brand new Rovers and taking vacations to Cabo on the regular.
19. Mom really is always right.
I hate to admit it, but it's the hard truth. My mom's given me some of the best advice, and her first instinct about someone has always been spot on.
20. At this age, how do people still not know proper (basic) grammar?
"I seen it," "your right," "i love you to." MAKE IT STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
21. If I eat a salad for lunch, it's acceptable to eat ice cream for dinner, right?
....and a whole bag of Reese's cups, and an entire bottle of wine.
22. I'm going to make it, and it will be okay.
Our twenties are the hardest and best time in our lives. We're not meant to have everything figured out right now, and things are going to be tricky, but we'll all make it and wonder why we were ever so worried.
P.S. I'm just kidding about being a stripper, mom.
