There is something about working in retail that rallies people together. Whether you work for a department, specialty, or grocery store, you find yourself commiserating whenever you see a cashier swamped with customers, a fitting room destroyed with left over clothes (at best), or when you see people leave the store in a huff because the employees can't make product magically appear in the store.
For these choice customers there are things we wish we could tell them. As a customer, here are a few things cashiers/sales associates/ managers wish we could tell you.
1. You are not "just looking" when the store closes in 5 minutes.
2. The reason why we ask is because we want to go home.
3. You're "just looking" to ruin my evening, Deborah. Go home.
4. FOR THE LOVE of ALL THINGS HOLY figure out what you want before you come up to me.
Yeah, placing your purchases into two piles means nothing to me. Oh! And if you could not slap my hand when I go to ring out the things you decided you didn't want that would also be great.
5. If you don't say you need help now, you better not ask for help in 5 minutes.
6. You're on your own now.
7. I don't want to sell you the credit card either, but don't cut me off, thanks.
8. Don't tell me how great the weather is outside. I'm here because of you.
9. Telling me "Merry Christmas" won't insult me.
10. Or make me thank you for being so brave to wish someone a happy December 25.
I rarely even wish anyone "Happy Holidays" at work. Not because I'm trying to prove a point, but because they are ruining my holiday season. One person I did wish a "Happy Holidays" to she became so righteous and said "Merry Christmas!"
Like, okay, whatever.
11. You have no legitimate reason as to why you're returning $200 worth of items from 5 years ago? Sorry, no.
I don't undersand how people think they can just return items that they've been wearing for years. We don't have a lifetime warranty on our products. Just buy new clothes and throw the others away maybe???
12. Do you work here? Ohh, heavens no! I just go to the back, take a headset, wear the store's dress code, and fix the displays for fun. I'm just kooky like that!
13. There is nothing in "the back."
14. The back is a lie. I go back there so I can curse loudly about how awful you are to me.
15. Or I'm going back there to eat cookies someone left in the break room.
16. Get off your phone, ma'am. I need to know how you plan on paying for our overpriced products.
Don't give me sympathetic eyes and mouth "I'm so sorry."
17. No, I don't have any coupons. Do I look like a newspaper?
18. Also, just hand me your money.
Don't leave in on the counter and expect me to reach over awkwardly and grasp your loose change.
19. I secretly love that angry face you get when I have to go on break and you have to wait in line an extra 5 minutes.
Sure I understand that it sucks that you've been waiting in line, but it also sucks that I've been on this cash register for 4 hours.
20. Don't ask me if you should buy something. I'm always going to say yes, because this high stress retail job forces me to make a certain amount of sales per hour if I want to work here.
BUY EVERYTHING. MY MANAGER IS WATCHING.
21. Don't say you are going to "stop shopping here" and come back every week. You got my hopes up and that is not okay.
I was made promises, AND THEY WERE NOT KEPT.
