The young adults of the 21st century have been coined the generation of the “hook-up culture.” Negative qualities seem to accompany this expression, implying that our generation lacks commitment and love. Recently, I have begun to notice that insensitive hook-ups may not be a result of commitment issues or lack of interest in formal relationships; rather, they are a result of kakorrhaphiophobia: the fear of failure or rejection.
“Dating” has become a term that people hesitate to use on a casual basis. Unlike our parents’ generation, when actually going on dates to the movies or out to dinner was dating, the 21st century has turned dating into a long, tedious process. “Talking,” another very common term used in today’s culture may seem casual, but with it comes a list of rules. Talking involves 24/7 texting and being exclusive for a relatively long period of time until the boy, very specifically the boy, officially asks to take the relationship to a serious level, and then it goes FBO.
A few days ago I asked a few friends what they thought about me asking a boy out on a date. I vaguely knew him, but there was no reason for us to talk or hangout otherwise. The instant reactions were extremely negative, explaining that they would never ask a boy on a date because “that’s his job” or, my personal favorite, “I would never do that, boys are scary.” I immediately started to second-guess my idea, thinking they were definitely right. If a boy was interested in me, he would approach me.
But, would he?
Maybe 30 years ago, when asking people to go out was a normal event, I could wait around for him to find and approach me at some point. My mom always explains that she went on multiple dates a week with boys during her younger years, but it “wasn’t anything serious, we just were getting to know each other.”
So, why don’t more people go on dates or get to know each other over a walk through campus or a nice bowl of YoPo? It’s simple. We’re scared.
It’s much easier to find our crushes on every social media site and live vicariously through all the funny things they tweet or cute Instagram pictures they post, than to ask them out and face potential rejection. The heavy pressure of going on a physical date, holding a decent conversation and fighting nervousness has created this kakorrhaphiophobia that has intimidated our generation and steered us away from going out of our comfort zone to meet new people.
After going a step further and asking a few guys what they thought about my bold date idea, each of them looked surprised as they nodded and claimed they would definitely go if a girl ever asked them out but, “that’s never happened.” It’s clear that most people would be excited to be asked on a date, but hiding behind a computer screen seems to be the more common solution to loneliness.
Meeting different types of people is what dating should be about. Our “fun” and “crazy” hook-up culture may be thrilling, but just being with someone from the hours of 11p.m. – 1 a.m. will only get you so far. So, with that being said, forget the nerves and fear and stop letting your potential soulmate slip away, because, as the wise Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” And, come on, the worse they can say is no.
