In honor of my birthday month and the fact that I'll be 21 in exactly two weeks (I'm extra af, I know, but I don't care cause your girl is excited!), I've decided that it's only right to post 21 things that I have learned before turning 21....and your girl has learned A LOT. Turning 21 is so much more than finally being the legal age to drink, getting drunk at the bar and the club, turning up with your girls, and partying. That's obviously a huge part of it that we look forward to and that part is definitely important, but for me, turning 21 is a milestone. It's a reminder to me about how much older I'm getting and how important it is to really know who I am, what I'm about, and to know what I want in life. It's a reminder to know my worth and to have high standards with everything and everyone in my life and to always keep my morals close to me. It's about making the right decisions for myself, becoming more independent, and taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, being happy. I'm the type of person who is constantly thinking about my future. I'm always thinking about my goals, what I want to achieve, and how I can get there. I'm always thinking about what I can do to make sure that I am happy and that I am living my best life that is possible. It's about reflection; thinking about how far I've come and how much I've grown. Turning 21 is an accomplishment for me because even though I am not done growing as person, I am blessed that I know who I am at this point in my life and I am proud of the person that I am becoming. However, I've learned a lot on the way that has helped me to be who I am today:

1. LOVE YOURSELF. Yo, when I say this I really mean it. Bottom line is if you don't love yourself, value yourself, you won't have anything else. Self love is freeing yourself from anything that holds you back. It's that simple.

2. INVEST IN YOURSELF & HAVE AMBITION FOR YOUR FUTURE. I can't stress how important it is to think about your future, your goals, dreams, and aspirations. You don't have to have it all figured out, but figure out what you want to do with your life that makes you happy. The little things matter. Network. Talk to people. Take risks. Figure out what you like and pursue that. Look for internships, jobs, companies, that have to do with your career. Whether you want to be an artist or a doctor, push yourself because success will only be attained if you're willing to work for it. If you're in college, take that shit seriously because it's not a joke. You're there for your education and if you think it's a game, you're only wasting your money and/or your parent's money. We are like to drink and turn up, but bottom line is we're there for school.

3. IT IS 100% OKAY TO BE EXTRA AF. If you were expecting anything short of extra, don't expect me LMAO. I'm a very extra person. I can be super dramatic. Sometimes I do things a little over the top. I can be soooo overly sensitive. Sometimes I just do a lot. But my intentions are always genuine. So you know what? Fuck all that other shit, because that's me. Cyn Santana said, "I'm an extra kinda bitch. Not like overly annoying extra, but the make ya life right kinda extra, ya kno?" I feel that on such a personal level. That's my personality, that's who I am, that's Courtney. The people in my life know this about me and accept this because they don't have a choice because I was never changing for anyone. I'd never tone down my personality to please anyone. If I'm not your cup of tea, that's fine. I'm just not for you. I have learned that in life you aren't going to vibe with everyone, however, you should never tone yourself down to fit the needs of anyone else. The right people will love and accept you for you. You'll never have to change. Remember: Don't shrink yourself for someone else's comfort. Do not become small for someone who refuses to grow. If someone thinks you're "too much", they don't deserve you.

4. Yo, stop repeating yourself to these young boys. I'm not going to nag you nor beg you to act right. I am not going to constantly repeat myself. If you make it a point to speak on something that is not okay with you and homeboy makes no effort to change at all, it's real quiet for him. In other words, they don't care. You shouldn't either. 99.9% of the time, it's not as deep as you think it is and you'll get over it as soon as you stop worrying about it. And if you choose to not worry about it and just let it go, more blessings to you, sis. At the end of the day, you should never be comfortable with receiving less than you want and deserve. Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you, even if that means leaving them right where they are.

4. NO ONE, and I sincerely mean, NO ONE, owes you closure. I once read this tweet that said, "Closure comes when you analyze your own behavior until you find clarity in the patterns of your choices." I took that as you are the only person who can truly give yourself closure. You can not count on people to leave you with clarity and peace of mind because nine times out of ten, they will not and if you rely on them for that, they will have you fucked up. Give it to yourself and move on. It's so empowering to realize that something or someone is no longer serving a purpose in your life and to just walk away. That's healthy.

5. DO NOT ENTERTAIN HALF ASS RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDSHIPS, HALF ASS ANYTHING, ETC. First of all, we are really too old for this shit. YOU are too old for the half ass shit. It's so necessary to value yourself so much that you know dealing with that is never going to be an option. If people can't give you consistency, dead them like legitimately, walk away.

6. Mental health days and DEPRESSION are important. If you need that day to lay in bed and cry, do that. If you need a break from class, skip. If you need to call out of work, do that. MENTAL HEALTH AND DEPRESSION ARE REAL. If you don't want to talk to anyone, put your phone on do not disturb. There are days when I have had to stay in bed all day because I just could not bring myself to do anything and I was mad at myself for it, but that's okay. We all need a break from life sometimes, so give yourself that break. If you find yourself not getting better or you don't know how, do not be afraid to reach out to talk to someone. Getting a therapist was one of the best decisions that I've ever had.

7. Family members can be toxic af. I know that I can only be around certain family members for a period of time before their vibes and energy start to affect me and I feel like I have to remove myself from the space. Whether it's shade, pettiness, awkward tension, or a situation more severe, it is 100% validated. Just because someone is blood related to you does not mean you have to deal with them or have them in your life. You know yourself, you know who you want to be around, and that's it.

9. It's okay to outgrow your best friend. Be okay with letting go. Understand that change is a natural part of life because in all serious, some fall outs can really bless your life and very few people and things are meant to stay in your life forever. People grow at different rates. It's unfortunate, but that's just the way it is.

10. Be with someone who actually gives a fuck about you. Yeah, your boo gives you good sex and buys you nice things, but are they there for you physically, mentally, and emotionally when you're going through something? Do they talk you through your insecurities/fears? Do they make you want to be a better person? Are you guys able to have real conversations? Do they support your decisions? Do they push you to follow through with your goals? Do they check you when you need to be checked?

11. Attachment is an illusion. Before you trip over someone, ask yourself what they've actually done that proves that they fuck with you, and I mean really fuck with you. Your twenties are meant for figuring yourself out and discovering what works best for you, not chasing after people to stay in your life. When in doubt, detach.

12. No one will EVER LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR MOM. As I've gotten older, I've realized that mothers are really so important. If someone had told me 10 years ago that my mom would be my best friend now, I would have laughed in their face, but it's true. My mom is my biggest support system. I call her when I'm happy, I call her when I'm mad, I call her just to give her the tea and talk shit. No one loves me like she does and I am so grateful for her everyday. She goes above and beyond for me always and no one rides for me like she does. Appreciate your mom. Tell her how much you love her. Even doing little things around the house will let her know that you care. But make sure she knows how much she is loved by you.

13. ALWAYS KNOW YOUR WORTH. Know your worth when it comes to relationships, friendships, family, jobs, yourself, etc. You are worth so much and you have a purpose. Know that you matter and you are always enough. You deserve to put yourself on the same high pedestal that you've put others on. Fill yourself with more love.

14. You are not obligated to forgive anyone for anything until you are ready to. Forgiveness is not an obligation. Be mad until you aren't. No matter how long the process is, it matters. And just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to allow them to come back into your life.

15. Stay out of SITUATIONSHIPS; You will always find relationships draining if you're trying to date someone you have to raise. Make intentions clear at the beginning. Listen, we're all too grown to be playing that waiting game like yall not tired of having your time wasted? That later shit turns into too late real quick. If you're not sure about someone, leave them alone. If someone isn't sure about you, leave them alone. When it comes to dealing with people on a personal basis, I have learned to take indecisive behavior as a no. In these type of situations, it's really important that you put yourself first. We're at the age and place in life where red flags are deal breakers. You genuinely get what you allow. Communicate and set boundaries early. If they don't value you/know your worth, someone else will. And let's be real, what is the point of "talking" if the goal isn't to be in a relationship? If a guy is really fucking with you, he will pursue you full force. It's that simple.

16. Spend time with your friends. Spend time with your girls! Girl friends are so important. Whether you have one, four, eight, or twelve, no one will ever love you like your friends. Be there for each other, support each other, check one another when it's needed, but know that real, genuine friendships are so hard to come by, so love your friends. Even when they make you mad and piss you off, love them.

17. It is 100% okay to be an emotional person; It's important to be emotionally in touch with yourself. Not saying you have to be in your feelings all the time or be an emotional person, but a healthy person is someone who is emotionally intelligent. I feel things very deeply than most people because I am someone who is very in touch with their emotions, but it's literally the healthiest thing in the world and people don't realize that. There is nothing corny, pathetic, or weak about having emotions/feelings like you're a human being, not a robot. First of all, let me just say that it's not cute to be about that "savage" or "no feelings" mentality. Stay away from people who brag about not having feelings. That is toxic behavior and their energy will drain you.

18. Allow yourself to HEAL. In order to heal, you have to allow yourself to hurt. Accept the pain. Allow yourself to be really fucking sad. Remember that your feelings are always valid even when other people don't understand them, even when you don't understand them.

19. PRAY! Pray whether things are going good or bad. Pray when you're sad, happy, lost, excited, etc. And when things aren't going the way you hoped, pray, give it to God, and let it go. We're always so busy trying to be in control of everything that we don't see the way God moves in our lives.Trust that God knows what he's doing and that he will take care of you. Watch how your life changes for the better. You'll start to understand his plans for you.

20. SELF-EVALUATION IS ESSENTIAL. Check yourself. Make sure that your priorities are straight, you're making the right decisions, and you're on top of your shit. No one got you like you got yourself.

21. ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. I believe at the end of the day, we all know what's best for ourselves regardless of what anyone says or thinks. We can get other people's opinions, but regardless, it's important that we make our own decisions, because at the end of the day whatever we do is going to affect us the most. Know yourself.