My cat is quite the character. He's your stereotypical stubborn cat with selective hearing but a total cutie... when he wants to be.
Melissa Vennix
Melissa Vennix
1) You love watching National Geographic specials
Especially this one, which you should all go watch RIGHT. NOW.
2) People constantly ask you "what is anthropology?"
3) Even more often than that, people ask you "what are you gonna do with that?"
4) You've definitely licked a rock at least once
Is it earthenware? Stoneware? Pearlware? Only one way to be sure, really.
5) If you concentrate in archaeology, this gif pisses you off to no end:
6) Staring at people is kind of your thing
What's their clothing made out of? Does their nose size suggest stronger neanderthal genes? What's that prayer they're saying?!
7) The Road to El Dorado speaks to you on an emotional level
And nobody believes you when you try to tell them it's based on a true story. And you pause the movie every five minutes to talk about how goddamn cool the Aztecs were.
8) You know what a bonobo is...
9) And you've had multiple class discussions on monkey sex. Literally.
Vaguely awkward class days, but weirdly crucial to chimp social structure. Who knew.
10) You've taken a field trip to the Smithsonian "Human Origins" exhibit
And you totally freaked out over the reconstructed Lucy.
11) Your family and friends call you Indiana Jones...
And you hate it every time they do.
12) Even though you secretly call yourself Indiana Jones
13) Your professors are so into their subject matter that their powerpoints always consist of 80+ slides
Half the time their presentations are on their own fieldwork. Very cool, but it's just not practical to try to fit 12+ years of hands-on study into a 50 minute class period.
14) You have the same kids in all of your classes
Yes, for all four years. Probably due to the fact that there's only like six anthro majors at your school.
15) Your family thinks you'll never get a "real" job...
16) ...But at the end of the day, digging up tiny shards of pottery and staring at monkeys is your passion. Oh well.
I get it, my shining pale face among this sea of caramel-toned goddesses is easy to pick out. Thanks for boosting my self esteem.
Yes, lights on or lights off, you still can't lose me.
White+orange= orange. I'm going to let you think that one through.
By the looks of my lobster-red tan lines after being in the sun for fifteen minutes, I'd say the latter.
Thanks for transferring all my insecurities to my children. I'm crossing my fingers and toes they won't inherit this trait... for their sake.
Congratulations!
Don't turn me against my own kind.
Must be nice to lay out without having to hide under a towel.
I'm just reapplying my SPF 5000 every twenty minutes because it's fun for me.
Yes, because I wanted my nose to disappear in this photo.
The blood rushes to your face too, ya know. My skin just does a worse job of hiding it...
Can't a girl wear white or pale pink or light yellow without being ridiculed?!
Don't tell me how to live my life.
No. Because everyone is the same color as I am in the winter.
But hey, enjoy your tan lines and perfect selfies while you can. Because I'll be laughing when you look like leather and my porcelain skin keeps on keeping on.
No 9-year-old should be that talented.
The worst is when you're assigned the same piece. Like why.
"It gets easier to perform the more you do it." LIES.
Chances are, those classes require the most practice/rehearsal/homework. And you don't even get credit for all of your hard work.
It's much harder to appreciate Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 5 in C Minor when all you can think of is all the homework sitting on your desk at home and the inevitable all-nighter in your near future.
"I may have rocked that melisma on the second page, but the Eb in the third bar was really flat."
Imagine America's Got Talent every semester...for a grade...yeah, Simon Cowell's nothing compared to juries.
I thought we were supposed to look nice?
Is it too hard to ask for some peace and quiet around here?!
'Popera' is not opera. Educate yourself, hon.
Actually, it's more like finals month. And not only do we have exams, but we also have countless performances to prepare for. And juries. And essays.
I haven't slept in 6 days, my recital is next week, and I haven't even started researching for the essay on Stravinsky that's due in 2 weeks, but I'm fine.
You're a musician for life. So go out there and kick booty.
If the kids get a pool pass, so do you. It's not exactly a leisurely swim when you have to keep an eye on the kids, but it's a good opportunity to work on your tan and get out of the house. Plus, a day at the pool tires out the kids.
You may just be the nanny, but that doesn't stop the other moms from wanting to include you in their gossip sessions or carpool rotations.
Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, character mac & cheese, you name it.
The only type of bag that can hold a plethora of snacks, sand toys, and extra clothes for the kids to change into after they swim.
You've been given the extra booster seat for running errands with the kids during the week. Next thing you know, it's Saturday night and your friends are laughing over the crammed backseat, car seat and all.
If you can somehow manage to get all the kids napping at the same time, major props to you. Now you can enjoy a few hours to yourself (or maybe even take a nap of your own!).
When they can't agree on a meal or when you don't make it exactly like their mom does...
When you ask them to clean their room and they ask "why?!" you can finally reply with "because I said so," just like your mom would say to you.
Forcing the kids to wear sunscreen while they play outside is such a motherly thing to do, and you love it.
And then you're reminded why you have the best summer job in the world and wouldn't trade it for anything.
