I’ll be turning 22 in a few months, which is terrifying. I know I’m getting older, so less and less makes sense or matters the way it did before. In light of the impending unknowable future, here are a few things I’m sure of in this particular 21st year of life.
21. I don’t that know much.
Sure I’ve been getting a formal education for the last 18 years, but it’s been an education about anything and everything under one section of the sun. I’m continually learning that the things I had been taught were *alternative facts* or half-truths (what really is the truth). And to be honest, I just learned how to properly use a can opener. I'm willing to offer sketchy advice and help with simple math problems, but I definitely have no shame in googling things.
20. But I do know a little somethin-somethin.
There's a reason my parents call me with questions. Knowing how to send picture messages is clearly a skill the select few have.
19. You’re supposed to use a warm liquid while making a roux.
I’ve made a roux less than 10 times in my life. I’ve only recently learned it was called a roux and not the ‘sauce’. Don't mix in cold milk or broth or you'll stop the process your flour and butter *suffered* through. Also, it'll impress people that you know how to make a roux.
18. People, particularly established adults, will be nice to you and you should take advantage of that.
Individuals who have lived longer, make more money, and know more things want to be of help to you and see you succeed, how ever you deem it best. Don’t underplay it and be super thankful for what others are (freely) willing to give you.
17. Everyone’s got a first (second and third) time horror story. Be open to listening and sharing yours.
This is in reference to tampons for me, but it can be about anything. It’s sometimes too embarrassing and tucked in the far corner of your brain, but trust me, you’ll come to find you’re not alone. You can get some pointers from others, just by listening and sharing.
16. It doesn't hurt to explain yourself.
My rationale isn't always linear or obvious. I don't think I force guess work on others, but sometimes it happens and it makes things weird. Sometimes people, like your mother, don't just 'get it' and you can't be too upset about it. Just tell them otherwise (sprinkle a detail or two) and confirm things as they really are.
15. Departure times are not suggestive arrival times, but definitive moments where you will wish you came earlier.
I got stuck in an Norwegian airport trying to return to New Jersey. It wasn’t like I walked into the airport and the plane was gone. It was more like I walked in and they had already began boarding, and felt it would take too long for me to check in and get through security. While it was a terrifying moment and expensive re-booking, I did end up in first class on my new flight…so I don't know if I really learned anything...
14. You don’t have to separate whites and colors.
I can’t verify this, but never have I ruined my laundry by mixing colors. This is a very subjective thing I’ve learned, so don’t use this to guide your laundry habits.
13. It’s never too late to learn a language.
I started learning Norwegian a few months before I turned 21. It's been one of the strangest and coolest decision of my life. Learning a language keeps you interested in something other than your native world and it challenges your ever fading brain cells. It's not impossible and definitely worth the struggle and studying.
12. Being an ally looks like different for each person and cause.
I'm learning about the kind of allies I need and the kind of ally I'm able to be. Supporting, protecting, and empowering strangers and friends depends on what they need from you. Try not to guess or overshadow them; it's beneficial for everyone.
11. You haven’t gotten good at procrastination, you just keep forgetting how badly it went the last time.
Just because you keep getting lucky, doesn't mean you should keep doing it. There have been way to many things hanging on the mere hope that I'll accomplish something in 24 hours or less. It's stressful and I deserve (and need to do) better.
10. Sometimes it really is all in your head.
And you won't know until you get out of that head space. Giving others the benefit of doubt, “innocent until guilty”, is not only being vulnerable (which can, shockingly, be an okay thing), but it spares you from being trapped in the what ifs and alternate realities. Talking things out and just asking isn’t the worst thing you could do.
9. Algorithms aren’t all that bad.
Just about any social media or entertainment platform uses an algorithm to make sense of you and your next move. And while we all hate feeling like we’re being watched/tracked on the Internet, I’ve come to learn it’s not the worst way math can be used. I’ve found some of the funniest and thought proving videos because YouTube or Amazon Videos made an educated suggestion or kept pushing a sponsored video. I’ve found old classmates and really cool artists on Instagram just because I had viewed a particular profile one too many times. Algorithms are like fate, it happens with or without you and you can accept it or keep trying to messing with it.
8. Everybody is or will be doing something cool and it’s okay that you’re not.
People always tell you things like this, but I’ve really had that FOMO (fear of missing out) and jealousy this year. Sometimes it sucks and you have to take some space from social media. Other times you remember that those actives or people aren’t even your thing (scene, jam, vibe). So just quietly keep doing your ~thang~.
7. A matching bra and underwear can really change your life.
A good bra is empowering. Nice underwear is invigorating. But when the two match…you’re unstoppable. It’s the confidence underneath your clothes that can get you through the day.
6. The people you once knew can be (or become) different people and you don’t have to be all about it.
Change happens and it look different for everyone. People I’ve known since I was twelve are either better, worse, or different versions of themselves, and I've struggled with letting them be a different person - because that person wasn't for me. The person they are now doesn't align with or attract to who I am, and that's okay. I don’t have to support or like everything they do on social media and in real life. It's not expected from me.
5. Being 21 doesn't necessarily mean everything changes for the better.
21 has been about (re)affirming and understanding everything from each year past. Who I am, what I stand for, who I want to be with, etc. Some changes are bad and sometimes there is not change. Arbitrary numbers produce arbitrary results.
4. Things are more fluid and dynamic than you expect. It takes some time to get used to it.
Gender, sexuality, religious beliefs, hatred, etc. Everything isn’t binary, black and white, crossed 't's and dotted 'i's. It gets easier to see and understand that about others when you see and understand it for yourself.
3. I can only handle two sangrias.
One and a half at best. After that, I'm loud, wiggly, and super eager to just lay down.
2. Body spray and perfume are not the same thing.
One is really strong and long lasting, the other is basically a sweeter smelling Febreeze. Use both with caution.
1. You have to fight for the good to outweigh the bad.
I wish it were simple, but my brain won’t let it be. Let yourself feel the weight of the bad and the sad, explore it, and then remember all the good there was, there can be, and the good you can make. Work to remember, because it can feel like there never was anything good. Try to document the good more often, so you can return to it.
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