We North Forkers grew up in towns of escape artists. And yet, one by one, we always return to harbor—lured in by the tide's ever patient ebb and flow. In honor of Long Island's best-kept secret, here are 21 signs you're anchored to the North Fork:
1. Anything west of Riverhead is "up island."
And anything north of the Bronx is "upstate"—fuhgeddaboudit!
2. You can't tell people the population of your hometown without them questioning whether you're forgetting a zero...
...or three.
3. You've gone your whole life sounding like a kitchenware infomercial without even realizing it.
4. You live "on" Long Island...
...not "in."
5. You may stumble over the pronunciation of "Worcestershire sauce," but Aquebogue, Cutchogue, Ronkonkoma, Patchogue, and Quogue?
Piece of cake.
6. So much of your life has been spent underwater that Atlantis Marine World might as well build an exhibit for you.
7. You would make the world's most clichéd online dater.
"—and after our long walk on the beach, we'll take a long walk on another beach..."
8. You don't go to Manhattan. You go to The City.
(But only twice a year.)
9. Don't question The Big Duck...
...just, don't question it.
10. Jellyfish are Public Enemy No. 1.
Don't you dare lay one tentacle on me...
11. A part of you has always been secretly convinced that Captain Jack Sparrow is a stowaway on each tall ship that sails into Greenport Harbor.
The town is famous for its Prohibition rumrunning, after all...
12. On any given trip into town, you're guaranteed to run into your grade school teacher, junior high crush, and three former classmates.
Which means you're prepared to sideline as a Master of Disguise at a moment's notice.
13. Senior Skip Day took place (where else?) on a beach.
14. As a child, you viewed a day trip to Harbes Farm as the equivalent of "we're going to Disney World!"
15. At Penn Station, you fight to the death for a seat on the LIRR, but by the time you finally roll into your hometown three hours later, you're the lone survivor.
"This town ain't big enough for the both of us..." (Cue tumbleweed—er, seaweed.)
16. Dog walk? Beach. Run? Beach. Bonfire? Beach. Swim? Beach. Picnic? Beach. Beach? Beach.
17. In elementary school, you equated the Strawberry Festival and Maritime Festival with events the magnitude of the Olympics.
Which means that the blue-raspberry lollipop you won at the Maritime Fest of '02 makes you the Usain Bolt of potato sack racing.
18. Your biggest debate revolves around Bay versus Sound.
19. You’re constantly torn between gushing about your hometown to the world and longing for it to remain Long Island’s best-kept secret.
20. You could circumnavigate the entire globe, but nothing reels you in like a North Fork sunset.
21. All your life, you've heard tourists exclaim, "You are so lucky to live here!"
And you'll never forget the first time you saw the world through their eyes and realized that they had been right, all along.
