So, if you've been following my writing for a while, you know that I'm a server. In a previous article (located here) I wrote about some things that only servers understand. I figured it was about time to allow the customer in on our world a little bit this time, instead of commiserating with fellow servers. So, if you have never worked in the food industry before, here are some things that I can guarantee your server is itching to tell you.

1. "Ready to order" and "I'm still deciding" do not, in fact, mean the same thing.

If I ask you if you're ready, and you say yes, then continue to look at the menu for five minutes, just know you're wasting my time.

2. If you bring your kids, that's fine. But do not let them run all over the restaurant.

It's a restaurant, not a playground. If you let your kid run all over, don't blame me when they get smacked in the head with a tray by accident.

3. Give me your orders all at once please. None of this running back and forth to the same place for you four times in a row.

Give me your orders all at the same time, not when I come back with someone else's drink and you decide it looks good, then you order it, then the next person, then the next.... it's such a hassle.

4. The description of the thing you just asked me about is directly underneath its title in the menu.

5. If you order something that's not on the menu, the chances of me not liking you automatically skyrocket

It might seem trivial to you, but it adds about five-ten minutes extra work for me. I have to go to find the chef, ask him what I should price it at/if they can do it, spend the extra time figuring out how to put it into the computer.... not fun.

6. No matter how nice you are, I probably don't have the time to listen to your life story when all I really need is your dessert order

I have seven other tables, I don't really care how your grandkids are.

7. My tips are my wages. If you can't afford a decent tip, then you can't afford to eat out.

8. If you have a large party, please make a reservation. Even a call ten or fifteen minutes before you arrive can make a huge difference.

Scrambling to put together a table and find a server who isn't too busy in two minutes is nearly impossible. The more notice you give us, the better your experience will be.

9. I'm not mean. I'm just tired.

Sorry for my tired bitchface.

10. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes the kitchen messes up. Sometimes the bartender messes up. We're sorry, please don't get nasty.

11. If you say please and thank you, it'll make me happier and you'll get better service.

12. Do not shout at me from across the room if you need me. Don't wave your hand, grab my arm, or yell "Hey, waiter/waitress!"

I have a name, and it isn't "another round!" shouted at the top of your lungs from 15 feet away.

13. You're not my only table.

The more unnecessary time of mine you take, the less attention I can pay to the other customers.

14. If your plate is empty, and you complained about the food, chances are I am fully aware of the fact that you just want free food.

If you really hated it, you would have said something at the beginning, and you certainly would not have practically licked your plate clean.

15. Just because a table is empty doesn't mean you can sit there.

We have rotations, sections, and reserved tables. If you can't sit somewhere, please try your best not to hold it against us.

16. Be aware of what you're ordering. A well done steak isn't going to be ready in five minutes.

If everyone else ordered salads, and you ordered a well done burger, it's going to make the entire order take longer. Don't get mad at me when you think it's taking too long.

17. "Water, no lemon" is not the proper response to "How are you?"

18. If you're going to camp out for a few hours after finishing your meals, don't expect service to continue to be as good as it was while you were eating.

I have other tables to worry about, and you're not top priority anymore. If you want to continue with top-notch service, go to the bar.

19. Your jokes aren't as funny as you think they are. In fact, I've probably heard them already today.

"What's that?" when I try to hand you the check, "Give it to them" and pointing at another table when I try to give you the check, "Oh put my drinks on him! He owes me one!" as an inside joke with your buddies but you don't actually mean for me to put your drinks on his tab... pretty much anything that is related to me trying to do my job that you try to turn into something funny; I've heard it all before.

20. I know it might feel slightly chilly in here to you, but to me, it feels significantly hotter. When you ask someone to turn the thermostat up, just know that I'm crying inside.

When I'm running around serving tables, the last thing I want to be doing is making the room hotter.

21. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you, and everyone will be happier