George Carlin always loved words, and he specialized in the art of linguistic manipulation. (Before entering comedy, he actually considered becoming a linguist.) By reordering a common sentence or combining several unrelated words, Carlin could create hysterically new and fresh views of everyday statements and beliefs. After perusing pages of George Carlin's jokes, I selected a few of my personal favorites...The world definitely misses his realistic and sarcastic societal view.
1. Is there another word for "synonym?"
2. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
3. Would a "fly" without wings be called a "walk?"
4. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
5. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
6. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
7. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
8. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
9. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
10. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
11. When someone says, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your "two cents," what happens to the other penny?
12. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
13. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
14. "I am" is said to be the shortest sentence in the English language... perhaps "I do" is the longest sentence.
15. What hair color do they put on the driver licenses of bald men?
16. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
17. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said that, if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
18. Could it be that all of those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
19. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
20. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
