I was born early in the morning on August 3^rd, 1996. That means that in a few short days, I will have been alive for 21 years. Growing up I always had to learn how to do a specific thing before I could have my birthday—I honestly thought that I would never turn 5 if I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes. So this year I have written a list of 21 things I am happy to have figured out before my 21^st birthday. Each of these accomplishments are personal to me so someone else may not have gotten there by 21, or maybe they had it figured out years before me, as everyone develops differently. These are things that I find important in my life and that I am proud to have learned.

1. I love myself

I learned how to love myself for who I am and to not worry about the standards of beauty that society tries to force me into.

2. I love others

For a very long time I thought that loving other people was pointless but now I strive to love everyone I meet. I love people for who they are, even if it is just a momentary love.

3. Sentimental things aren’t pointless

Growing up I was a mess. And by "I was a mess", I mean my room was always trashed. I had too much stuff—that I didn’t need—and not enough space. So I adopted the view that things can always be replaced so there is no need to hold onto anything. But now I can see the point of holding onto something that is filled with memories; I have a unicorn plush that I keep on my purse because it was Phoenix’s first toy.

4. Forgiveness is important

The only thing holding onto a grudge does is keep you from growing. There is nothing to gain from not forgiving a person. That’s not to say that everyone deserves another chance, but it only hurts you to stay angry about the past.

5. My soulmate is my cat

I never used to believe in the idea of soulmates. But when I came to the conclusion that a soul mate isn’t necessarily a romantic partner, I understood it. And I wholeheartedly think that I have soulmate; and he is my fur-baby, Phoenix. I love him unconditionally, and he seems to feel the same.

6. Having a normal sleep schedule is a blessing

Granted, I don’t have a normal sleep schedule right now, but boy do I miss it. Having a consistent sleep schedule makes a world of difference in the way that your body regulates itself. And for me, when I don’t sleep the same hours every day, I feel like a zombie of sorts.

7. There is more to life than the Internet

Obviously this is true, but being a kid during the peak of the internet’s development, I got swept up in the wonders and wormholes that live there. But there are better things to do than spend hours online in the wee hours of the morning. Like playing video games with friends, or looking for jellyfish on the beach, or sleeping.

8. Disney isn’t just for kids

Ignoring the horrible business aspects of Disney, which honestly is pretty hard to do, the movies and theme parks are some of the best. It’s impossible for me to be unhappy when at a Disney park. As a pass holder of both Disney World and Disneyland, I spend as much time as possible getting lost in the magic of Disney.

9. Paying full price for clothes is ridiculous

I mean, paying full price for anything is kind of a bummer, but mass produced clothes especially. Thrift stores and clothing sales are my best friend when I’m looking for new clothes to add to my large wardrobe. I am also a regular donator of my old clothing so it can find a new home with someone else.

10. It’s okay to cut toxic people out of your life

If someone in your life is harmful, there should be no guilt in immediately removing them from your life. Even if this person is family, there is no shame in removing negativity.

11. A sense of humor is essential

If you can’t laugh, life is going to be pretty hard. As they say, laughter is the best medicine.

12. You can’t argue with someone and expect them to change their opinion

People believe what they believe, and it’s difficult to change their minds, but arguing will only make it worse. Sometimes you can have a conversation with someone and change their view, but even that can’t happen if you aren’t willing to learn about their side of the argument. Compromise can’t be one sided.

13. There is zero obligation to tolerate prejudices

When talking with someone, there is nothing forcing you to listen to problematic remarks. I saw this quote by the Instagram user ambertheactivist that I really liked, “Me calling out racism is not the problem. You being racist is.” I feel like this is a great statement to live by, especially if you work to call out people’s problematic behavior

14. Moisturizer is important

Your skin will thank you.

15. Your emotions are never invalid

Your emotions, and other people’s, don’t have to be verified by someone else to be legitimate. If someone hurts you, they don’t get to decide that they didn’t. You are still responsible for the actions you take because of your emotions, but your feelings deserve to be addressed.

16. It costs literally nothing to be nice to everyone

There is no reason for added malice in this world. Being nice has no downsides and takes no more resources than being rude would. And I’m not talking about doing things to be nice when in reality you’re being used and walked on, I’m talking about just being pleasant to those around you. Ask the barista how they are doing, hold the door open for the person behind you, smile at the baby in front of you in the checkout line, just little things that everyone should do to create a happier environment.

17. Babies aren’t all horrid demons

Some of them are smelly flesh bags, but many of them are actually pretty cute and fun to hold. Especially because none of them are mine so I can hand them back at any time.

18. Different colored peppers are all the same type of pepper

Learning this got me all sorts of messed up. I always thought that red, orange, yellow, and green peppers were all different, but no, they are all the same peppers at different stages of development. What?! Black and green olives are the same. My life is a lie!

19. Yelling solves nothing

When in an argument or dealing with a dog that won’t stop barking, yelling doesn’t help the situation at all. It may feel good to do, but it will most likely just end up hurting the person you are yelling at, rather than get your message across. However, a healthy scream into the void can be a freeing experience.

20. Home isn’t necessarily where you grow up

I lived in Illinois for 15 years and then different parts of California for 5, but I felt at home in Ireland as soon as I landed in the country. It’s a strange realization to find the place where you belong, and to find that it wasn’t where you thought you would be. I never imagined myself wanting to live out of the country permanently, but now it’s the only thing I want for my life.

21. All plans are tentative

Whether the plans are for that day, or for the rest of your life, everything is tentative and change is to be anticipated. You can’t give up if things don’t go exactly to plan.

Obviously there are thousands of other things I have learned during my 21 years of life, and there are even more things that I don’t know, but these are just some of the things that will stay with me for the rest of my life.