With my 21st birthday just weeks away, I've found myself reflecting on the past years and, more specifically, what this year means for me. Being a senior in college, I know that there will be many endings but also many beginnings. I have learned so much over the past two decades throughout all of the good, the bad and the ugly - each experience has taught me something new, and every experience has had some impact on the person I am today. So, here are some of the things I've come to learn in my (almost) 21 years of living:
1. You Will Have Success And You Will Have Failures - Both Are Okay
Life is a balancing act. One minute, you're failing Calculus and the next, you landed that job you've been gunning for for months. While you'd like to be able to succeed in everything, it's not realistic; Just as you won't fail at everything you put your mind to. Let your successes humble you and your failures motivate you, and you'll be okay.
2. You Are Beautiful, With Or Without The Guy
I know how easy it can be to get caught up in a relationship, or in that guy you've fallen head over heels for. It its such an exciting and incredible feeling, it's almost indescribable unless you've been in it. But don't think for a second that the minute your boyfriend falls for another girl or abruptly ends the relationship that you are not just as beautiful once that happens. You don't need a guy to validate you or to make you feel special. You are not defined buy inability to see your worth.
3. Put Your Family First, Always
This is a sentiment that I cannot stress enough. Family is literally EVERYTHING. They are the ones who have known you your whole life. They are the people who will still love you when you mess up. You learn a lot from them throughout the years, and they will always be there for you. Don't ever take them for granted, because if there is ever a time that you don't have them around, I can promise you will regret it.
4. You Can't Please Everyone
It must have taken me like 18 years to learn this lesson, but I've finally gotten it through my thick head. There is no possible way to make every single person happy and still have time left for yourself. It's okay to say no when you don't want to do something, or simply because you don't have the time to. There is such a thing as spreading yourself too thin, and speaking from experience, it is not a pretty thing to endure.
5. Grades Are Important, But They Don't Define You
We spend the first quarter of our lives (and for some, possibly longer) going through the school system. It is intrinsically known that A's are good and F's are bad. However, it is equally as important that you know that getting one bad grade or even a couple is not the end of the world. It doesn't make you stupid, or incapable. So don't get discouraged if your grades aren't where you want them to be. They're not a reflection of who you are in the slightest.
6. It's Okay To Not Be Okay
You don't have to be completely together all the time. It's okay to lose it every now and then. It's okay to get upset and cry. Sometimes you just need to get it all out of your system so that you can put the pieces back together. So take a deep breath, and relax. You've got this.
7. Forgive But Don't Ever Forget
As someone who has definitely been wronged by people in your life, I can attest to the fact that it is incredibly hard to be forgiving. When someone hurts you, screws you over or breaks your heart, the last thing you want to do is be the bigger person and swallow your pride. But it's not about just sucking it up. It's about releasing all of that negative energy that you hold inside when you hold a grudge against someone. It's okay to forgive. It's okay to let it go. What is not okay is to be complacent in letting someone mistreat you, especially when it becomes a regular thing. You can forgive that girl for stealing your boyfriend or that bully for ruining your high school years, but don't forget what that person and more importantly, that experience taught you.
8. You Will Get Your Heart Broken, But It Will Be A Blessing In Disguise
It really is true when they tell you that the first cut is the deepest, but what people don't tell you is that in most cases (or at least in mine) you will quite literally be dodging a bullet. Your first heartbreak will hurt like hell, but it will also teach you a lifetime of lessons. It will show you everything that a relationship shouldn't be. You'll learn what you deserve, and you'll learn not to accept anything less. You'll be come wiser, and you wont be so easily trusting of any guy that tells you you're beautiful. But above all, you'll learn a lot about self-love. Trust me, you'll be glad you went through the rain once you get the rainbow.
9. What Doesn't Kill You Really Does Make You Stronger
I know it sounds cliché, but it's so true. In life, you're gonna face some hardships. You'll fail that math test. You'll realize that that girl you thought was your best friend really wasn't a friend at all. You'll get your heart broken, and maybe even mourn the loss of someone you love. Things won't always go as planned. But, it's not about the bad things that happen to you. It's all about how you handle those less than ideal situations and keep moving forward. Give yourself a little credit - you're stronger than you think. Besides, without the darkness, we wouldn't know light!
10. Love Yourself First
In today's society, we live in the age of right or left swipes on tinder and "relationship goals". Everyone wants somebody to love them and only them. But before somebody can love you, you have to love yourself first. Because having someone love you means nothing if you can't look in the mirror and see it for yourself. And for the love of God, please stop comparing yourself to others. It's one of the worst things you can do. You are your own person; there is no one else in the world like you.
11. Change Is Good
If you're anything like me you are extremely, and I mean extremely, uncomfortable with change. But, also like me, you will find that change is one of the best (and most inevitable) things. Look around you. The leaves are changing, people are growing older, and you are changing. It's the only thing in life that is constant. If you hinder yourself from new experiences, you'll never know what you can be missing out on! So embrace the change. Try new things. I promise that in 50 years when you're looking back on the life you've lived, you'll be so glad that you did.
12. Look For The Good In Every Bad Situation
A bad day does absolutely not equal a bad life. So, When you find yourself in a funk, remember that it won't last forever. Staying positive is key. If you dwell on a sticky situation, it will only get worse. But if you learn to take it with a grain of salt and try to focus you're outlook on what's ahead, I can promise that you will start to have better days. Remember, nothing lasts forever so if things aren't going well, just know that good things are coming!
13. People Come And Go, But The Right Ones Will Stay
You will learn very quickly that not everyone is your friend. Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Some people are cruel and selfish. Some people will skate through life only caring about themselves, disregarding who they hurt in the process. But you will also find people that do care. You'll make friends that give you incredible memories.They'll make time for you, confide in you, and add light to your life. They'll pick you up when you're down, and they'll always have your back no matter what. These are the people that are few and far between. Make sure you cherish them, and never let them go a day without knowing how much they mean to you.
14. Stand Up For What You Believe In
This is so important. Our morals, values and beliefs are a huge part of who we are. They are what we look toward when we set standards. They are what people will remember about us the most. I was raised never to waiver in my beliefs, no matter what that may cost me, and it is still something that reigns true in my everyday life. This might cause you to lose a few people along the way, but you'll gain respect, and you'll know who truly loves you for you. But most importantly, you'll know who you are, and that's something that no one can ever take from you.
15. Don't Give Up
Everyone goes through them. No matter what you're going through, find comfort in knowing that you have an incredible support system to turn to; be it friends, family or whoever it is, you are never alone.
16. Be Yourself - The Right People Will Love You For Who You are
This is another big one. I remember being in high school and wanting to change every little thing about myself just to fit in a certain clique at school. I wanted longer hair, and I wanted to be skinnier. I wanted to wear the clothes that the cool kids were wearing and I wanted to be in on all of the latest trends. I also remember wanting to change myself for the guy I was in love with. I wanted to be less outspoken and less sensitive. I wanted to lose weight and I wanted to go out drinking every weekend, all because I was afraid to lose him. What I learned from this was that when I got to college, I made friends that loved me for me, just as I was. And I met a guy that wanted to be with me, and I didn't have to change a single thing about myself. So, please don't ever change yourself to fit anyone's mold of what you "should be". You are perfect exactly as you are.
17. Mom And Dad Won't Be Around Forever
I know it may seem like your parents will always be around for whatever you need. And why wouldn't you feel that way? They haven't let you down this far, have they? But what you don't realize is that something could happen to them at any minute, and just like that, they could be gone in the blink of an eye. Accept their advice. Help around the house. Spend as much time with them as you can, and let them know how much you love them as often as you can. Because before you know it, one day you'll be out on your own, and all you'll have left is the memories and the lessons learned.
18. It's Okay To Not Have It All Figured Out
There is this overwhelming stigma that in our 20's we have to have our shit together, but what no one tells us is that it is okay to not have the rest of our lives planned out, because it is. Our brains are still developing, we're learning new things, and we're figuring out who we want to be. There is nothing wrong with switching your major 5 times or with not having a major at all. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to not know where you'll be in 10 years. Life is about figuring all of that out, but that doesn't mean you have to know the day you graduate. So take a deep breath, you're doing just fine.
19. A Positive Mindset Can Go A Long Way
This might sound as though thinking about sunshine and rainbows can make any bad situation vanish into thin air, but it really is true. If you look at every obstacle you're faced with with a glass half full and not half empty mentality, the chances of you overcoming them are higher. Last year, my best friend said something to me and it really stuck with me: "The best way to have a good day is to wake up and decide you're going to." She couldn't be more right. Just because you had a bad day, week or even month does absolutely not mean that the next one will be. Look in the mirror and say something nice to yourself. Surround yourself with people that give you good vibes. Go see your favorite band in concert. Pick up a new hobby. Do things that will bring you out of that funk you've been in - I promise, It will go a long way.
20. Everything Happens For A Reason
This is something that I live by. Life is a beautiful, beautiful thing. There will be ups and there will be downs. Some days will be the best of your life, and other days you won't even want to get out of bed. But before you spend your days wishing things were better or wondering why things haven't worked out the way you've planned, just keep in mind that everything you're going through is shaping you into who you're going to be for the rest of your life. Whatever happens is going to happen, and you're better off accepting that and learning to roll with the punches than overanalyzing every situation. Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride - your journey has only just begun.
21. Don't Be So Quick To Grow Up
When you were 7, you couldn't wait to be in your teen years. When you were 14, you couldn't wait to be 18 and "out on your own". When you were 18, you just couldn't wait to turn 21 and finally "be legal". But be careful what you wish fore. There is so much more to life than just getting through it. There's more to your adult years than drinking and going out every Saturday night. With age comes responsibility and making your own decisions. I think I'd do anything to go back to the days where my biggest concern was what color crayon to use or getting a scrape on my knee from falling off my bike. Make the most of the time you have, because once it's gone, you can't get it back!
