It was my birthday on Wednesday, so I'm newly 21 and another year older! I wouldn't say I'm much wiser, but I have learned a few things from being alive for over two decades. These are the most important ones.
1. You can get food poisoning from anything--cookie dough, peanut butter, vegetables, etc.--so eat what you want and don’t look back.
2. Cinnamon gum is magic. It helps relieve anxiety, motion-sickness and bad breath, so invest in some. I recommend Trident.
3. Leave the carcasses of dead, squashed spiders on your walls to assert dominance over the other spiders.
4. Never say that you don’t believe in ghosts, even if you really don’t. In horror movies, the non-believers always die first.
5. Always be true to yourself, unless you don’t like something popular like pizza or "Mean Girls." In that case, take that secret to the grave or else you’ll have a lifetime of debate and frustration ahead of you.
6. There is no reason for an ATM to charge you money to get your own money.
7. When you're too swayed by what’s popular or what’s hipster or what’s masculine or what’s feminine, you miss out on a lot of things you might enjoy, like watching sports while painting your nails or listening to Britney Spears while drinking Kombucha at a local coffee shop.
8. Everyone’s always debating over whether dog people or cat people are weirder, but no weirdness can hold a candle to that of the horse people.
9. It's not worth it to buy expensive tights. You will rip a hole in them, like always, and be particularly sad.
10. If anyone were to come pick me up at 2 a.m. when I called them from a random street corner in tears, it would be my brother or my sister.
11. If you see a cat on the sidewalk and you want to pet it, crouch down to the ground, put your hand out, and softly call to it, to show that you are a friend.
12. DIY projects are fun little activities to try, but will not save time or energy.
13. When you’re trying to cross the street, make eye contact with drivers in the cars coming toward the crosswalk. They’ll feel really uncomfortable and stop for you.
14. Singing, exercise, and chocolate release endorphins. I say choose at least two.
15. If someone consistently calls you by the wrong name, call them a vaguely different name until they get it right.
16. One time, my friend thought a guy was really cute, and I thought he looked like Lieutenant Dan from "Forrest Gump" during his existential crisis. That just goes to show that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.
17. It's wise to have a healthy fear of birds. Crows remember faces.
18. If a guy asks you to dance, very politely decline. If he reacts courteously, tell him you changed your mind (if you actually want to dance with him). If he reacts angrily or disrespectfully, you'll be glad you said no.
19. If you have headphones on while you're eating, you won't know how loudly you're chewing. And trust me, it'll be louder than you think.
20. Nobody likes it if you point out the most obvious thing about them when you first meet, like height, outward personality traits, what have you. I guess we all get sick of the same old, same old.
21. Everyone looks good in burgundy.
I'm looking out for lesson number 22 this year.
