Politics and ActivismJan 25, 2017
21 Fake Headlines That Describe Me
These might be fiction, but the content behind them is all too real
22
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
We Know Memes
How to take stairs.
College campuses have stairs literally everywhere. Even outside sidewalks have stairs! Going up each and every stair step can be exasperatingly tedious. In my personal opinion, the best way to conquer any step-laden campus is by taking them two at a time. I promise, it saves the patience you will need to last that three hour lab.
Caffeine is your friend.
man making a coffee lattePhoto by Jennifer Bedoya on UnsplashLike one kid in my biology class said, “I went from never having a cup of coffee in my life to having one everyday.” No matter how you take your caffeine: Coffee, soda or an energy drink, when you've had one of those extremely late nights, caffeine is a must! It's the only way to make it to the next gap in your day when you can finally take a nap.
How to study.
Photo by Unseen Studio on UnsplashI had to include this one because most college freshmen finally cultivate study skills during their first year in college. More or less, fortunately, I had developed some prior to arriving at college due to my insanely hard high school courses. But this is a truly important survival skill, which is first after scouting out free food.
Finding free food.
This is a survival skill at the most basic level — never pass up the opportunity for free food. There is nothing like the instant regret minutes after passing up a meal for which you didn't have to fix or pay. A few good places to check are: Club meetings, those weird campus events named after obscure holidays and over-zealous outside organizations that are in desperate need of college student involvement.
How to take a nap anywhere.
Photo by Sinitta Leunen on UnsplashI should probably have more dignity than this, but college has taught me how to sleep literally anywhere. I mean, after all, why do you think the student centers and lounges sport comfy couches and lounge chairs? And even if they aren’t all that comfy, we'recollege students and can’t be too choosy. If your room is halfway across campus and you only have 30 minutes before your next class, curling up in that green lounge chair is just as good as crawling in your bed.
How to appreciate sleep.
Photo by Kate Stone Matheson on UnsplashDo you remember that crazy period in your life when you coiled at the mention of taking a nap or going to bed. Your motto for life was, “Kinda work hard, and play really hard.” Well, you are about to regret every nap you ever gave up in your life. Your motto is about to become, “Work hard, play hard and cry over missed sleep.” Sleep is a precious commodity in college, but there just isn’t enough of it. Whoever learns to bottle up a nap and sell it will be rolling in the dough.
How to procrastinate productively.
Procrastination is something you did in high school because you were too busy attending ten different clubs and creating a killer resume for college. At college, procrastination happens because looking at that chemistry homework is just too sad and painful. So instead we become masters at productive procrastination. Doing other, easier homework, taking an extra nap, running to the gym, checking the dining hall for more pizza and calculating your current grade in a class are perfect ways to distract your mind from the sad reality of school without feeling completely guilty.
This was not an exhaustive list at all, but just a small insight into the many skills for which my college tuition has already paid. Many thanks to my parents who allowed me to learn these valuable life lessons; college really was worth the tuition money.
College is some of the greatest years of anyone's life. Its a time to be outrageous, different and free; a time to do everything you were afraid to do. Here are 38 things you will learn during your four (maybe, five or six) years in college!
1. As a freshman, one does get to be called “freshman” by upperclassmen when they walk to parties in a mob of people.
2. Some of the best stories happen after 2 a.m.
3. Upperclassmen live for meal swipes from freshman because they are poor and need free food.
4. People are struggling just as much as you are so you're not alone.
5. You will never take privacy or personal space for granted ever again.
6. You are not the only one who has slept on the community bathroom floor after a night out.
7. Skipping class for Netflix is a valid excuse.
8. It’s totally acceptable to bring a pot of coffee, a sleeping bag and a pillow to the library.
Because you will most likely be joined by five or six other people doing the same thing.
9. Having class with a friend is the best because you can trade off days on who goes to class.
10. When you are a senior, you take the easiest classes to boost your GPA.
11. How to pull an all-nighter.
12. How to handle drunk people.
13. The drunk you does not look out for sober you about 90 percent of the time.
14. How to deal with a hangover.
15. How to interact with people very different from you.
16. The perfect amount to procrastinate on every assignment.
17. How to pass a class without paying for the textbook that was "required."
18. How to calculate your grades to see what you need on every test in order to maintain a passing grade.
19. How to hook-up with someone without getting emotions involved (but we all know that doesn’t happen).
20. How to handle your roommate when you want to strangle them.
21. That you miss your parent’s every day.
22. How to get into a bar when you aren’t 21.
23. How to BS on assignments, out loud and on your resume.
24. That theme parties are the greatest.
25. How to find free events that have free food.
26. That when there are puppies on campus it will be the greatest day of your life.
27. Alarms are necessary and you must set like seven of them in order to wake up in time for class.
28. Greek parties are exactly how they are in movies.
29. Care packages are treated like Christmas presents.
30. The friends you meet in college will become your bridesmaids and groomsmen.
31. That printers only break when you need them the most.
32. Cereal, ramen noodles, Easy Mac and microwavable pancakes can be used for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
33. That classes before 8 a.m. should be illegal.
34. Changing your major is OK.
"You should know exactly what career is right for your future by the time you're 18."
Eighteen? We just learned how to do laundry and effectively cut the crust off of our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but we're expected to decide on a lifelong career? There are people who are 50 years old who still don't know what they want to do with their lives.
"Save all your money."
Organizing and budgeting money is something that takes time to master. Saving every last dime is completely unrealistic. Many of us just made the switch from Piggy Bank to Citibank. Our financial priorities up to this point have been gas and food, not the thousands of dollars of debt we'll eventually be in.
"Get plenty of sleep and adjust to a regular sleep schedule."
Photo by David Clode on UnsplashWe're in college. We're busy. We'll be surviving off of caffeine and the 15 minute power naps we'll take between classes. Is it healthy? Probably not. But adjusting to busier schedules and a heavier workload takes time. Unfortunately, it's hard for us to accept that we can't take five hour naps after class like we did when we were younger.
"Make sure to eat healthy, balanced meals. Don't forget those fruits and vegetables."
Again, we're in college. We're poor. A not-so-healthy diet is the least of our problems. We'll be living off of Ramen noodles, Easy-Mac, and whatever free or discounted food we can get our hands on.
"Surround yourself with good, moral people."
College is a time that we'll meet and befriend a lot of people -- the good and the bad. Believe it or not, the drunk kid streaking in 20 degree weather all around campus actually has a 4.0 GPA and goes to church every week. We may not be best friends with the 'poster child' students, but we can assure you we will learn many lessons from them and make some pretty laughable memories in the process.
"Don't do anything stupid."
We're going to make mistakes. It's inevitable.
Fandango
Pizza is like a BFF
It's there for you and you're there for it. You're inseparable and it will literally never let you down. Ever.
It can be delivered right to your door!
You don't even have to change out of your PJs!
You can eat it at any time of the day
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack time, midnight, you name it! It can be eaten whenever you like at any time you like!
It's there for you after a breakup
If you're like me, all you want after a breakup or heart break in general is a huge tub of ice-cream and an entire pizza.
It's the best party food
It's easy to serve, easy to order, and there's a type of pizza for everyone!
Celebrities love it too
Like J-Law. What more is there to say?
Everyone loves it!
And if they don't, they're wrong
Pizza doesn't care what you look like
It comes in all forms
Circle, square, Lunchables, pizza roles, the possibilities are endless!
It's the food that is always free at events
That big Freshman seminar you don't want to go to? Yeah, they're serving free pizza. Now do you want to go? The answer is yes.
It's always available
Have you ever gone somewhere where you didn't find at least one or two pizza chains or at least somewhere that sold pizza?
Two Words: Frozen Pizza
The frozen pizza was invented so that we can easily buy and make our own pizza at home when we don't want to spend a ton of money and need pizza in like 5 minutes.
You can customize it any way you want
want extra cheese? No cheese? Extra sauce? Flavored crust? You got it!
Going on a date and don't know what to eat? Pizza
Vegan? Vegetarian? Gluten Free?
Believe it or not, there's a pizza for that too
It's Delicious
All that sauce, garlic, and cheese, what ISN'T there to love?
Clean Up is easy
You don't need utensils, all you really need is a paper plate and some napkins. (or don't even use plate, just eat it right out of the box!)
Burned dinner? Order pizza
Haven't started dinner yet? Does the family hate dinner? Did you accidentally burn the food? Just order some pizza! Simple fix.
Pizza Apparel
Pizza earrings, headphones, T-shirts, shoes, room decor, they have pretty much everything out there! You can make your entire life revolve around pizza for real.
Just...Pizza.
But seriously, what more is there to say? The name just says it all
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